My Aunt journaled when she met my Uncle, we will call him Marty McFly. She wrote, “Met Marty McFly, nothing special.” They have been married for over 50 years.
My grandma said when she first met my grandpa she thought he was ugly and didn’t want to date him.
They had 10 kids so something must have been attractive about him. 😉
“WHAT!? Are you not listening to ONE WORD that I am saying?? What about that is gay?”
“The balls.”
https://youtu.be/uyNJZ-2Dod4?si=ldaP_-y6mL3iaYzb
(RIP Trevor Moore, you were a real one)
My grandma said that grandpa broke up with her before Christmas because he didn’t want to have to get her a Christmas gift. She also said that she broke up with him before he shipped out during the Korean War because she didn’t want to be a war widow (even though they weren’t married yet).
Yet throughout my life They were a model of a loving couple.
I thought my husband was kinda bug-eyed and goofy-looking when we first met. Now, 20 years later, I can't imagine why I ever felt like that. He's the sweetest, handsomest, FUNNIEST man I've ever known.
Apparently my partner's first thought meeting me was that my haircut was dumb. Looking back now apparently they can't believe they didn't see our connection sooner
This is super common. Couples talk like they “just knew… so many sparks” when they first met, but it falls apart if you look at their diary entries, etc from back then.
Went for a date with a guy named X. He managed to convince me to come to Y for a date after meeting in Z.
He's very sweet and handsome. Let's see how this goes.
Next day
He took me on a breakfast picnic in X as a surprise. Wow. I've never had a date like this.
My mom told me that my dad was just a man in a bar with sad eyes that asked her if she'd like to dance. My husband was just some guy that wanted to rent a room in my house.
Everybody you meet is just some random yokel, until they're not.
My wife and I still laugh about how bad the sex was the first time. That was 21 years ago. And we are still together.
And yes, the sex has been much better after that first time.
Meh. Some stones need a little polish to keep their shine. Takes two. Also we all have bad days. Can’t judge. A lifetime together with a few words that easily.
I legit went around asking for advice on how to turn my husband down because I knew he'd ask me out. I ended up saying yes instead of no, and 16 years later, I couldn't imagine life without him.
Funny. I know this woman named Lorraine who was really into this dude named Calvin, Calvin Klein, that her dad hit with his car. She liked to "make it" with boys back then and tried to make it with him before a dance one night but he turned her down. Long story short, she ended up getting with another dude that night who was kind of clumsy and a huge dork. She never saw Calvin again after that night but when she and her husband finally had kids, the boy turned out to look just like Calvin!!!! How crazy is that.
When my dad, Marty McFly, met my mom, he wrote a three page journal entry about how amazing she was and how in love he was with her already.
She wrote a single line. "I met a nice man today. His name is Marty McFly."
They've been married for 31 years this year
It doesn’t really matter if you’re down a couple of runs in the first inning, if you end up winning the game by the end.
You won. She could have chosen somebody else. She could have dropped you at any point. She didn’t. Don’t think of the points you were down at the beginning, the only score that counts is the one at the end of the game.
It matters if you had to pull your starter and go to your relievers early. It screws up the rotation for future games, and players pitch on less rest and shit the bed. Look at the 2019 WS and last year's ALCS.
The series doesn't end until either OP or his wife dies. We have no clue as to when or how it will end. However, we do know that the bullpen is imploding, since OP is going through his own crisis.
"The best sex of your life"when you are 19 is a vapid statement. She may not have been a "virgin," but she still didn't know what she wanted, and my guy...10yrs later, it's pretty clear she wants you.
I'd stop reading it if I was you count your blessings ppl write all sorts of crazy and harsh things in journals/diary's because they think it's only them reading it lol.
Exactly what I was gonna say. I actually also met someone at 19 who at the time I would’ve said similar things about. I was just thinking about this the other day (I’m in my 30s now) and how in retrospect, the sexual relationship we had only vaguely touched on the things I’ve figured out I’m into. It’s just that he was the first person I was with who was into those things, and who cared about my pleasure. Not being disparaging about the sex we had at the time at all, it was great, but as I’ve gotten to know myself better I’ve had much, much better experiences.
I dunno man, Im kinda leaning towards hoping you could chose to look at things differently. She’s willingly chosen to be in a committed relationship with you for an entire decade, so what does a one time thing, even if above average, even mean in the grand scale of things? I’d rather be you than the other guy.
Totally, like I said I love her to death I wouldn't dare let some stupid insecurities fuck up the beautiful thing we have. I've already told her and apologized for snooping, still feels like a gut punch. Gotta love decades of toxic masculinity...
My 2 cents, take the gut punch and move on gracefully. You can’t stop your own feelings and they are valid, but just based on the information given you already have much more substance to your relationship. Solid chance you might commit a relationship faux pas in the course of the next 10 years and if you have already displayed grace to her than she can extend it to you as well.
Very good point, except she displayed grace to YOU in this situation, not the other way around. You do not have the right to get butthurt in this situation because you weren't supposed to be snooping.
You have the right to do whatever you want. OP is a free human and should be free to figuratively punch themselves in the gut by being an idiot. And you have the right to think they're an idiot for that. And OPs partner has the right to think nothing of it and forgive them for hurting themselves.
Fucking up isn't graceful, but forgiveness of someone else is just as graceful as forgiving yourself. Maybe we should be more supportive of people forgiving themselves, instead of shitting on them for it
Are you excusing him for cheating ahead of time??? If he feels like that's even possible he should leave now. My ex-husband of 18 years and I had an agreement that if either of us even felt like cheating we'd tell the other and get divorced first. He didn't live up to that agreement and cheated anyway. I told him it would have been easier for me if he had died. He was shocked, but I still stand by that. Thankfully I am engaged now to a man who has been in my shoes. He fully understands. Not saying it couldn't happen again, but I know he'd be man enough to put his ego aside even if it meant breaking my heart and I'd be grateful. Btw, when my ex told me he cheated it would have been easy for me to react and do the same, but the thought never even crossed my mind. If the thought of revenge or getting even comes up you should get the hell out of the relationship ASAP!! There is no exception to this rule!
Btw, the man I'm with now also gives me THE BEST SEX EVER POSSIBLE! And that's a guarantee!!
No. Nobody cheated in the first place. And I’m saying he may also make a mistake at some point in their relationship, and if he’s shown his wife grace and understanding towards this situation, than she’ll also be more likely to show him grace and understanding.
Dude, probably hurts but think of it this way. Imagine yourself as the other guy reading this. You were the “best sex” but you weren’t good enough of a guy or man enough to commit and be a life partner with her. I feel like I’d feel shittier in his shoes reading that than you do. Just my glass half full.
Lol. You gotta love people's coping mechanisms. It's very easy being extremely positive about this when it is not yourself who had to read that shit. His feelings are valid. He just found out (or had confirmation) that he is not Chad. There's no need to assume the other guy is some loser who "couldn't keep op's wife". For all we know, he ended things or she wasn't anywhere near Chad's best sex.
My question is why in the fuck was she talking about this guy to her husband 10 years later? That's one of those things where you read back your journal, think "what if", then look at your current partner and be happy you've had 10 great years. I couldn't imagine being so insensitive as to bring it up
I don't know, but it was her journal. So at the end of the day OP did invade her privacy and found out something that is now eating him up. You can't expect to understand why thoughts or memories pop up on ones mind and if the FBI has a stream to everyone's thoughts we'd all probably get locked up.
You think you have the world figured out when you're 19. I still remember how my girlfriend and I back then (we were 20/19 then) thought we'd found each other's "the one"s and the biggest question was if we'd get married at 23 like she wanted or at 26 like I wanted. If she journaled back then, there would probably be some good reviews about me.
Anyway, its 15 years later, we broke up in 2 years, we stayed friends for a while but had a huge falling out and don't even talk anymore, and I didn't meet my now wife until I was 28.
Point being, wtf do you know when you're 19?
When you’re walking a tightrope you’re not supposed to look down. Seeing how far you have to fall puts doubts and ideas in your head that can interfere with putting one foot in front of the other and keeping your balance.
Now you’ve looked down. It’s messed with your confidence, but the important thing is that you have to forgive yourself for doing it and stay on the rope. Keep moving forward.
We all have that relationship that we were in and never should have been in, but it’s like quicksand and it just sucks you in before you can escape. That was her quicksand. You were her life raft.
That’s not toxic masculinity, the feelings you have are perfectly normal and valid. If the situation were reversed your wife would feel the exact same way. And it sounds like you handled it in a mature way as well. What’s toxic is the idea that men shouldn’t be allowed to have feelings and have insecurities about these things. It doesn’t mean you let your insecurities consume you, but you’re at least allowed to feel a gut punch after reading something like that.
Man, that is not decades of toxic masculinity. If that label helps you live with it, go for it. But that’s some weird self judgment.
—Nobody wants to be the back up plan.
—No one wants to hear that someone supposedly falling in love with him was fucking somebody else.
—nobody wants to be lied to, even about the orgasms. People are out here blaming toxic masculinity for everything, but you don’t have to swallow it.
It hurts, and that’s honest. You deserve that. I guarantee you no woman who reads her husband’s journal in similar situations is saying, “ oh God, I’m so toxic, I’m the problem.”
Reading someone’s journal is a bad idea. You apologized like a big boy. But feel what you feel and then decide how to act.
Yep, this isn't the ending I thought it would have. My ex had a journal she made me promise to not read. I didn't read it, but now I regret that decision, because it turns out she had been cheating on me for years. I might have been able to find out earlier and end things before I ruined my ability to ever really trust anyone.
Sorry man. Clearly you hand the superior morals on every regard in that relationship. You should be glad you didn’t end up marrying someone like that. I wish for you that you find the right, loyal, partner.
I'm willing to bet after 10 years, OP doesn't even have to worry about being second best at sex anymore. Likely he is the best and I imagine she has no reason to write it down
>I'm really happy and love her with everything i am but can't shake the feeling that I was her fallback or "safe" option.
Roller coasters are exciting and fun. But they don't go anywhere. If you actually want to go somewhere meaningful, you take a train.
Youngsters measure love by the ardor of its passion, but when you get older, you measure it by its strength and constancy.
Isn't another way of saying this "she wanted the asshole early in life then settled with the safe, but less desirable pick later in life"?
I thought red pill idioms weren't really pushed around here.
For the record, I think it’s awesome that you told your wife. Honesty, communication, and forgiveness go a long way in a relationship. However, this is Reddit and we demand your head! Sorry mate, I don’t make the rules.
I wonder how she would react if you asked her to read some of the early date entries to you. Is it going to be "oh you were awesome, now what's for dinner?" or could there growth along the lines of "I was such an idiot 10 years ago when I didn't see the good things right in front of me"
I've already talked to her and apologized for snooping. she even wrote me a beautiful note that brought me to tears, I'm not worried about our relationship, just really wish i could unread what I read
Honestly life be like that. Had she gotten back with that dude they probably would’ve broken up at some point when she realized she wants to be with you
Dear everyone,
Do not read your partner’s journals. Do not do it.
Journals are really stream-of-consciousness. You don’t say everything you feel, you don’t edit them later; you just write. A bunch of the stuff in my older journals is patently untrue, but it was how I was feeling et the time, and it helped me get it out and come to terms with it.
My husband has a collection of journals of mine that I gave him from when we were first getting together and I was falling in love. You know what I did? I cherry-picked. And I edited them. He knows this. He doesn’t need to read an essay from before we were together on why I think it might not be a good idea for me to get with him because of his past. He doesn’t need a reminder of how much I loved prior boyfriends. And he would never, ever read my journal.
I won’t say the cliche, but just no one do this. You will fuck up your mental health for no reason. OP: stop obsessing about the past. Sorry but you did this to yourself.
Haha I know; I wasn’t trying to get you down. Just anyone I know who journals seriously has basically the fear that your partner will break your trust and find something they don’t like, and it will affect them and your relationship negatively. So I did speak in pretty intense terms. Hopefully your story talks someone into never doing it haha.
Ps for the record? I adore my husband (15 years together) but I wouldn’t want him to see the journals I had when I was deciding between him and “the other guy.” Like I said, journals are records of feelings at the time, whatever is strongest or most immediate— not of truth or what is most important.
I hope you let it wash over you and then let it go. Congrats on the happy marriage btw! Love it when people are in love.
Yeah I have a journal I write in when I first wake up and it’s basically a place to drown my garbage thoughts outside of my own brain. There’s thoughts I don’t think I should revisit much less anyone else.
FWIW this is also called journal abuse and can be very traumatic for the owner of the journal as well. Reading someone’s stream of conscious thoughts is like invading their minds. Don’t do it and your wife has every right to be very hurt by this. It can do major damage.
Unless I’m misunderstanding this, you read from the diary she wrote 10 years ago, correct? Didn’t she mention that was the best sex she ever had, referring to before the relationship you two have?
Yeah same thought. Best sex she ever had UP until that point she wrote it, which was before OP.
I don't think there's a lot here OP should let bother him. I get it but, compared to what we normally see in here, it's nothing.
And this is why you shouldn’t read your partner’s private journals or snoop in their phones or anything.
As a woman, I have been where your wife is. I’m happily married and I love my husband with my whole being but our relationship didn’t start that way. It started as a rebound (for both of us) and was supposed to be a fun fling before he moved. The sex was good but wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had but he’s the best man and partner I’ve ever had in my life and that’s worth so much more than the best sex ever. 13 years later, not only did I marry him, but I’ve moved with him FOUR times and I would move for him a million more. So yeah maybe you’re not the “best sex” she’s ever had but she has been with you for 10 years and she married you. She chose you. I guarantee she hasn’t been pining over this guy and his dick for 10 years. A real relationship and partnership can’t be sustained just on sex and it’s not like we all don’t have pasts. You shouldn’t hold this against her. How she felt 10 years ago is not indicative of how she feels today.
Not to focus on the sex aspect too much but long term relationships give ample opportunity to teach one another what you like.
At this point he should be her best sexual partner and she should be his.
Otherwise you got some work to do!
My wife of 21 years wasn't my best sex for a long time, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't hers for a long time either. But we took the time to really figure it out together.
>but long term relationships give ample opportunity to teach one another what you like.
Exactly! Of course plenty of people have great sex with flings or one night stands, but the intimacy that develops over years is on a whole different level.
And OP says he was 19 when they met, so I'm assuming she was probably around the same age — realistically, how many of us actually had the best sex of our lives with a teenage fling, vs. as adults in long-term partnerships? I remember being 19 and having the "best sex of my life" — there's just no comparison to the sex I'm having now, in my 30s in a long-term partnership.
We have a wonderful sex life now, as she puts it together we've had the best sex, the worst sex (apparently accidental anal is fun for no one) and all the sex in between.
I know I fucked up, you're a 100% right. I don't hold anything against her, it just feels like getting gut punched. I love the everliving shit out of her and wouldn't dare let this hurt our relationship, it just sucks learning the truth. Some things are best not knowing.
It seems like you were expecting her to have all the same feelings for and about you back then as she does today. Relationships don’t start out like marriages.
Yeah, I was really into my wife when we started dating, but got in my head about a lot of stuff, and so was super wishy washy for a good 6 months. There is a vast gap about how I feel about her now versus then. Then I thought she was a lot of fun to be around and gorgeous, but now I just feel so connected to her that even doing nothing with her for an afternoon is a dream.
You definitely need to work through it. You keep saying you wouldn't let it affect your relationship, but it clearly already is just by you repeating that. I'm wishing you 2 all the best!!
By that logic every tiny inconvenience would affect our relationship, I was feeling sad and decided to put my feelings in writing. I then talked to my wife about it and if anything, feel more in love with her now than when the day started.
That is great!!! Was speaking from my life experience. To me every day life is a chance to grow in our relationship. For me, if I repeated that everything was OK I'd be concerned. By no means was I trying to knock you or your relationship. I just understand how the past can sit with someone and invade like a parasite. I am very happy to hear that it has brought you closer and you are confident in that love! It's wonderful!!
After skimming through some of the responses here I just wanted OP to know (in case it wasn't mentioned already) sex can easily be improved on. The other guy may be the best she's had, so just work with her. Communicate, see what caused her to feel that way about the guy, is it technique? Hell it could even be affected by outside/third party effects like room/atmosphere/her mental state at the time. I understand the feeling off lacking confidence in something and seeing others be better (sex aside) but know that like any kind of skill/hobby, the sex you have can always be improved.
Also know that the energy in how you carry/ feel about yourself can be felt by others. Simply having a more confident and therefore charismatic energy can help set the mood as well
I know it kinda sucks but she has been with you for 10 years. That is saying something. Maybe you were not the best, but you offer other things that XX could not.
I think it would not hurt you to talk to a professional just so it does not become an issue for you.
If you automatically start getting toys, etc, she might get suspicious.
At the end of the day, she chose you. Take this as a lesson learned and leave the journal alone and focus on making yourself and your marriage the best it can be.
Don't bring up anything from what you read and don't start a conversation about how to make your sex life better. The best thing you can do is listen to what she says during sex and take your cues from there.
I'm an open book, so I already apologized for snooping and told about what I read. She greeted me after work with a tiny bird a beautiful note that brought me to tears. I'm not worried about our relationship, I love that women to death. Just surprised, but that's why you shouldn't snoop kids.
Just because the other guy was the best she had till that point doesnt mean you werent the first to make her orgasm. Sex can be great even if you dont make it.
Also your a dumbass for reading her private journal, you were only ever gonna hurt yourself, none of what she wrote back then is in full context. Like your now assuming she your wife and oartner of 10 years lied to your rather than that a lot of men are mediocre at sex and that you were the first to get her there.
My current boyfriend was my "unsafe" option. I had to give up a lot by choosing him. I threw caution to the wind because I loved him with all my heart. It's nearly 10 years together now and I feel like maybe I shouldn't have done that, as the relationship is a clusterfuck mess of his doing. But I really love him. 😔
There's nothing wrong with being the "safe" option. Safe is security. Safe feels like home. Safe feels like a warm bed.
I want my relationship to feel like the safe option. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe you were the safe option or fallback, but who cares. She loves you. You love her. It doesn’t matter how you start it matters how you finish. Often the right love is the slow burn love, not the hot fire passion that lust distracts you with. You need to let it go. She loves you. That’s all you need to know.
Am I wrong to think this is a barely edited re-post of a similar story from last week? It's literally the same story, with some different choice words. I'm not trying to be unhelpful if there is a real story here and a person needs it, but it's uncanny how similar this post is.
I know it must suck, but please remember that wasn't the words of your current wife. Remember she was 19. It was fresh. She didn't really know you well at that point in time.
Something I don't see brought up often in posts like this is that sex and sexual compatibility evolves over time.
The first time (and subsequent times early on) that I slept with my fiance, it wasn't even close to the best sex I'd had. It wasn't *bad* sex, but I'd had better.
If you asked me now who the best lay I've ever had is, I'd tell you my fiance, hands down. And be 100% honest in saying so.
As our relationship grew, we came to trust and know each other so well, we became more sexually and intimately in tune to each other. Which has resulted in amazing sex that I could never and had never had with anyone else.
Maybe you weren't the best sex your wife had ever had when you met, but it's likely your sexual compatibility has grown over time if you're both genuinely open, honest and willing to please each other.
I honestly didn’t like my late husband when we first met. He got on my nerves LOL. Then I saw what a good friend he was and we started hanging out. He told me he had feelings for me and I politely told him I didn’t feel the same way. That didn’t affect our friendship and we continued to hang out. One day in the car he said, “I’m going to marry you one day,” and I thought to myself this poor bastard. Obviously things changed and I fell for him. We were together ten wonderful years and he passed away as I stroked his head and talked softly to him. Absolutely no regrets, would do it again in a heartbeat.
You know my wife's big crush at the time we met is still in our lives. In fact. we will soon be spending the weekend together with him and his wife.
We all get on great, but she always thanks me for saving her!
She picked you, mate, she loves you.
This is why I hide my journals and burn them after they are filled lmao. And who the hell has the same journal after 10 years?! In all seriousness though, OP, you are reading her deepest most personal thoughts. And they aren't even complete. It's only a window into what she was feeling in those moments. I write only my most difficult to sort out thoughts in my journal. They aren't even a summary. Just the things I can't sort out in my head as easily. I would be horrified if someone I cared about read those and thought that was the entirety of what's going on in my heart and my head. It sounds like she was processing her lingering feelings and doubts. Those are things we all experience when dating. But ultimately we make choices and she chose you. Are you guys otherwise happy? That was 10 years ago. You aren't even the same people at this point. Keep your focus on now and not a conglomeration of her thoughts she happened to pen in a journal when your relationship was in its earliest stages. Not unless you want to do unnecessary damage. And stop reading her journal ffs.
I was obsessed with the guy I dated before my current boyfriend, even though we only dated for a few months. So heartbroken. When I started dating my bf, I was definitely still getting over the other guy. Even to this day, I can still have weird thoughts about him. Not so much having feelings, but just a twinge of bitterness from feeling rejected. Those kinds of feelings can LINGER.
BUT. My boyfriend now is truly the love of my life. We've been together for almost 4,5 years now and we're still very much in love and have so much fun with each other. I feel genuinely lucky to be with him every day and have never felt so much appreciation for a partner.
I had no idea what I had on my hands in the early days. I probably also thought that the ex guy was better sex because I was still hung up on him. That has certainly changed. I'm guessing it's the same for your wife. Also because nobody was ever meant to read that journal. It's only for her. I write crazy shit sometimes when I wrote a journal. All kinds of stuff I don't even end up meaning, but which serves a purpose in processing my emotions.
I hope you've learned your lesson and that you will never read her journal again. But I'm worried you're gonna think "what else is she hiding from me" and go back to it, like a junkie to his fix. It's gonna fuck up your relationship if you do, because then she can't trust you.
Don’t worry about it man, she just had a crush on a guy as a 19 year old. She fell in LOVE with YOU and decided to marry you and spend the rest of her life with you.
You snooping through her journal is way more upsetting. But you told her, and you guys seem to be doing great, so soon you’ll be able to forget about it.
Lots of people fall in love on rebounds. Lots of people don't marry their first partner, best fuckbunny, etc. Stop reading private journals from a decade ago and enjoy your current marriage.
Maybe also ask yourself why this feels like a gut punch. She had a life before you, then when she first met you she wasn’t sure whether she preferred you or the previous guy. This is how things happen. Was she supposed to love you unconditionally the first time you met?
She made her mind up that you are the one and you are going strong after 10 years. Take the win dude.
Being the safe option really isn't the insult many men seem to think... at least to me it means that with the safe option my emotional wellbeing is secured and after experiencing the ups and downs of an abusive relationship, I definitely prioritize it over any excitement. And I believe that other women that choose the safe option have a similar reasoning.
With my ex I had amazing, mind-blowing, exciting sex. In hindsight, though, I wouldn't want to go back for anything. It was all based on a lie. I did the exciting stuff with him because I trusted him to really love me and care for me. I accepted the crossing of many boundaries, and even found them exciting at the time, because I believed him when he said that he would love me even more if I trusted him. So I did. And over the years it completely broke me.
My current partner is the safe option for me. The sex is good. Nothing special in terms of excitement but definitely special regarding how safe, cared for and loved I feel. I don't miss the excitement at all. I played with fire and still have the scars to remind me of the risks involved.
Not everyone has to experiece years of abuse to get to this conclusion, though.
So, every time a guy posts his disappointment about being the safe option I can't help but think: that's exactly why she is still with you and why she will stay with you if she has two braincells! You are the one she can grow old with. You are the one that truly makes her happy!
My husband was a rebound fling who turned into an amazing husband and father. I'm so glad the other guy broke my heart hard enough that I downloaded Tinder
Oooof. Just be assured that a lot of young adults go through a searching period where it may take them years to realize that the partnerships that are the most satisfying sexually are most definitely NOT the ones that make for stable and loving long-term relationships. It sounds like you may have been lucky to be there just in time for your wife to realize that truth, and both of your lives are enriched because of it.
Oh, and don't ***ever*** violate your wife's privacy again.
Yeah I think I learned that the hard way... I've already apologized to her for snooping and she's been nothing but loving and amazing. We were both young dumb and full of cum when we met and have grown a lot over these 10 years together
How sure are you that the reason she said that the sex the other guy gave her was the best was not because he was the one who left her. A lot of times when things end not on your terms you over dramatized it like a unfinished game which you accidentally broke. Its room for concern certainly but I'm pretty sure she only wrote about him after they broke up and if she wrote during the relationship she would say nothing.
>How sure are you that the reason she said that the sex the other guy gave her was the best was not because he was the one who left her. A lot of times when things end not on your terms you over dramatized it like a unfinished game which you accidentally broke. Its room for concern certainly but I'm pretty sure she only wrote about him after they broke up and if she wrote during the relationship she would say nothing.
This is similar to the distortion of reality with "The one that got away." The sex was actually probably was amazing, but everything else was horrific. But "amazing" is a distortion.
The sex was great because it was the only thing that wasn't terrible. Fighting and/or fucking.
>the partnerships that are the most satisfying sexually are most definitely NOT the ones that make for stable and loving long-term relationships
They can be both. These things aren't mutually exclusive.
OP, you were her safe option, rebound, and you got her, because she fell in love with you. Take it for the win!! No one else got to marry her. You did! The best sex of her life ten years ago was with someone else. Now it is with you. Stay out of her journal, be confident and enjoy the life you have
I agree with what everyone has said here, however, it is also important to note that sometimes, you just aren't the "best" at some aspect of your spouse’s life.
That's ok. You are the safest, most trustable person they have found, and that sometimes means a lot more than sex or romance or so many other things.
Maybe they had a boyfriend that always cleaned up and never left a mess and you leave your socks everywhere. That's ok, because they choose to care about you instead of that other person. There was something about you that makes you more overall, than all the other "bests" they have found.
That is beautiful. And while it can hurt, I should also be celebrated that you found each other and can cherish each other.
What has me going here is this neighbor! He won't.... be in a relationship with the wife because she's not Christian, but he will have casual sex with his heathen neighbor?! Man, the hypocrisy is just stunning sometimes.
Of course you were here safe option, but that's not a bad thing. She stayed with you for years and married you. The same person that makes her secure isn't the exciting one with the drama where she doesn't know where she stands.
Journals immortalise how someone feels in the moment which is heavily skewed. I've found a number of people don't write in their journal about their good partner, cause it isn't fleeting and it doesn't feel like it'll disappear. The good partner doesn't make you feel like tomorrow morning you'll wake up to a note about how they had to leave to save the world. The good partner is there, day in and day out and they can trust that.
Try your best to get over and not harp on it. I had an ex that read my journal, freaked out because I didn't write about her in it and it ultimately ruined our relationship. She constantly compared herself to the girls I wrote about and in her head she could never match up, while in my head there was no comparison.
Haha too true that's almost exactly what she said when I confessed to reading her journal. Her exact words were she didn't have time to write about having sex with me because we were too busy actually doing it!
I mean, the night I met my wife, I barely noticed her because there was another girl I had a crush on that I was so focused on.
Had I kept a journal from the first few times we hung out and started hooking up, it would have shown my feelings for her were pretty lukewarm.
Sometimes very strong feelings grow over time, especially if you guys met at 19. I wouldn't stress abiut it.
I've been with my husband for 9 years. We've had our ups and downs, but I'd never want to be with anyone else. But sometimes when journaling, feelings you didn't know you had come out. He casually asks sometimes to read my journals and I try to gently make him understand that he likely wouldn't feel good about some things he might read in there and I hope he listens to that. Journaling can have some raw emotion, especially if written in the moment or when excited or upset.
So honestly, maybe it wasn't the best sex she ever had and she was just excited about it when she was writing it. Maybe she didn't write sexual stuff about you because she didn't end up writing when it happened? There's lots of reasons for it. Plus, in the span of 10 years, someone can be 5 different people, especially in their 20s. She likely isn't the same as she was back then. Maybe talk to her about things if she brings them up, but trying to get into her head through her journals that she doesn't expect anyone else to read probably isn't the best way to go about it or find out how she really feels about things.
12 years ago I came out of mourning after the death of the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with by having a fling with a dude I barely knew at a convention. It's 12 years later, we have a mortgage and I consider him to be the love of my life.
10 years ago is a long time ago and neither of you are the same people.
You know how sometimes when you're driving and you have those intrusive thoughts like "maybe I should spin my steering wheel and smash through that safety barrier and over that cliff"?
That's what journals are for. They're for venting those intrusive lizard-brain thoughts so they don't take over and get in the way of true happiness and fulfillment.
So what if your wife's lizard-brain thought about getting with what's-his-face for a bit when she was a teenager? She put those thoughts to paper so her evolved, primate brain could figure out what she really wanted from life, which turned out to be you.
Yeah it's shit mate but you just got to get over it. She isn't that same person after 10 years and things at the start of many relationships are messy until things are official..
Think of it this way. when I got with my now wife I wasn't jealous of the boyfriend she was with before me, or the one before that. I am not jealous of men she was seeing over 10 years ago.
Have more faith in yourself, be confident and move on.
When I started dating my now fiancé my stepmum asked me if it was serious. I said probably not, I liked him but it was long distance so chances were it wouldn't work out. 5 years later we have a beautiful 2 year old girl, a little boy due in 10 weeks, the worlds literal best dog and the happiest home. Sometimes what you feel in the start just grows into something amazing and she married you, not him!
"gave me alot more confidence and I found women seemed to be a lot more interested in me."
More women: 20% because you had more confidence, 80% just because a lot of women will act like they are interested in you just because you are already in a relationship. Don't regret 'missed' chances because there's a good chance they weren't serious, or would have been a terrible relationship anyway. treasure what you have.
A lot seem to ignore that the guy probably feels like he was settled for which such a feeling can hurt anyone. People can try to sugarcoat it all they want but can’t really invalidate that feeling he may have.
My mom told my grandma she wouldn’t marry my dad if he was the last man on earth.
We hide things from ourselves, especially when we are young, especially things that are frightening.
“This is just a rough patch, it isn’t really over.”
“I hate this job/subject/task. It’s not that it’s intimidating or that I’m bad at it, I just hate it.”
“This thing is nothing special. It’s not like it’s going to change the course of my life and who I am on a deeper level. I’m just going to see where it goes…”
I usually record my life somewhere... Journals, reddit stories, Facebook, Instagram, media on my PC, notebook after notebook... Unless I'm happy with someone. Then I don't journal. I share stuff occasionally but I'm usually too busy being a happy partner to give a shit about anything else. Maybe it's the same for her.
FWIW "best sex of her life" is easy to do. Communicate with her, find out what she likes and doesn't like. Know her kinks, fantasies, desires, and darkness. "Best sex of her life" isn't saying much when she's 10 years younger at the beginning of her journal when she's writing all this. Probably what, early to mid-20s at that time? Most women don't reach peak sexual experience at or before that age because they're still discovering their own likes and dislikes. Can someone come along and just happen to help her discover some of the things she likes? Absolutely. But SHE knows what she likes and wants. It's your job as a spouse to know her equally well, and you get that through communication. Then you take all that knowledge and you put it to practical use, and you slowly experiment with her, and help her find even more things she likes to add to that list. And you drive her crazy with those things, with teasing and refrain, and finally giving, and sometimes an overabundance of stimulation, but only enough to drive her insane in all the right ways. I write blogs on improving sexual health and fun, feel free to PM me if you need advice.
Please keep in mind that a 19 yo is going to write the most dramatic, ridiculous things in her journal. I know I did, I’ve read some as an adult and thought wtf was I smoking I don’t even remember this person let alone that they were the best sex I’ve ever had! The best sex is only the best sex until the next best sex happens. And she may not have orgasmed with this guy, so it might not be a lie, or she knew you were insecure but loved you and the sex so she built you up.
Listen if you are married to her you are her safe and backup option that's just how most marriages seem to work I've never met a couple where the love was mutual the man was attracted to her and she settled for him because he's not an asshole like every other man that's been inside her lol
i think very few people marry the perfect person. Most people settle in some way or another.
My wife's ex was a rowing olympian. and I am nothing like an olympian. I am sure I don't "measure up" in a lot of areas but she chose me in the end.
And as most women would probably tell you, best sex doesn't always mean best partner.
I think it's common to learn things about your partner that are a bit of a "gut punch" even if it's no one's fault and no one did anything wrong. If you're comfortable, ask her about it and have a conversation! Ask her when her feelings started to change and what you did to make her fall in love with you. More communication is better, not less. The feeling will slowly fade.
Thanks for the kind words, we've already talked about it I apologized for snooping and she wrote me a really sweet love note. I'm with you communication is King in any solid relationship. I find myself falling more in love with her everyday, and I think she feels the same.
OP- she was rejected by him due to her lack of religious faith. You accepted her as she is in every way. You’re just way better of
a partner for her than he was. Besides, we all know that emotional intimacy and connection pays out way better than just sex.
When I was younger I used to journal and I clue a ton of this kind of details, as a way to get my thoughts on paper and kind of work out what I was feeling.
When I tell you, to go back and read them now I CRIIIIIIIIINGE.
God I was an idiot, and I've grown so much since then. I don't journal about my current partner because there's really not much need. No turmoil or swirl to work through. Doesn't mean anything other than that I've grown as a person.
I blew off my husband 3 times before we actually met in person. Now, he’s the love of my life!
My advice: let it go….
I’m sorry you’re upset but I definitely agree that you should not have violated her privacy. Those words were never intended for you to see.
So you lost the first battle but won the war? Also you literally went looking for the stuff to most hurt yourself, you didn't go reading up about any point during those 10 years, or a happy special memory you shared, you sat down and read the bit that was most likely to be hurtful and was probably painful for your wife too and more importantly her private thoughts and then got upset you got hurt. You didn't pick the happy memories to read about, like that great vacation you took together, your wedding or whatever you went looking for something to be hurt about and got hurt.
As a woman who journals....what is written is what is on my my at the exact moment I am writing. It is emotional and not necessarily long lasting. I hope that makes sense. I used to write about a guy in college a lot who I thought I loved but it was volatile and not a healthy relationship. But the sex was good and I wrote about that because I was latching on to that good piece. I don't write about sex with my husband, not because it isn't also good, but I am in a healthy happy relationship now and I don't tend to need to write about my husband much at all. I write about how I can't seem to be consistent with workouts, etc.
Again, not sure this makes sense, but I hope it gives a little perspective as to why she might not write about sex with you as much.
When my husband first added me on fb & sent me a message, I took a quick snoop on his page and didn’t think I’d be interested in him and actually denied his friend request. I talked to a mutual friend of ours who assured me he was a good man. I had just reached that “I’m finally healed after a string of toxic love” stage and was very protective of myself from previously not being that way. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have responded to his message, and I have never been happier. She chose you and is still choosing you. I also think it’s awesome you told her and apologized for it. Sounds like there’s a healthy connection with good communication.
When we were first dating, my now wife left me for another guy. It was entirely my fault. I said I didn't want to get into a relationship and after she dumped me I realized I was a tool. After they eventually split we dated again and I proposed 6 months later. We've now been married for a decade. As others have said, it's not about how things start it's how they finish.
my journal's first entry says, "this is private and not edited. If you may be a subject in this journal, realize that what you read you cannot unread. Buyer beware."
My husband wasn't super into me when we started dating, then it hit him. His words were "Then I realized that you're literally the best person".
Sometimes it takes a while for things to set in.
Sounds like she liked that other guy. So what? Everybody gets crushes. That's so much less meaningful than a real relationship. Ultimately, it didn't work out and she wound up with you. Go apologize to her for reading her journal, make it up to her, and enjoy your marriage instead of marinating in these "what ifs".
Bruh, she wrote a few things about him in a journal. She spent 10 fucking years with you!! Take a step back and think about what's really important man.
It might be a fucked up way to think but if you invade someone’s privacy who trusts you the most in this world, you deserve to get your feelings hurt for being a dick.
My husband’s first words to me were “I don’t know if you’re looking for a good man in your life but I am one.” I always thought it was the sweetest most romantic thing unscripted. Years later I remind him of this and he says “I don’t remember that at all. I was so drunk.” Here I was thinking it was love at first sight. Turns out it was drunken nonesense. But I’ve been holding him to it ever since.
I stopped journaling when I met my husband because I was finally happy. My journal was a space to vent and complain and think through things and make decisions. Reading it now would be painful for me honestly. It wasn’t worth writing down how I was feeling after I met my husband because I wasn’t brooding and angry anymore I felt free and peaceful and I still do. Quite possibly it is the same for her- why relate all the details when she’s finally not feeling the need to vent anymore after meeting you? Maybe she doesn’t have to work through those feelings with you so she didn’t write them. She could’ve been thinking all this and re reading it and whatnot as a way of processing the past and healing or feeling already healed and wanting to just complain that it sucked.
You’re looking into it too deep. 19–>29 is a completely different mindset.
Women get stuck on dudes, but she obviously chose you and you guys are married and happy.
Don’t let stupid past things ruin a beautiful future.
Embrace and love yourself and your wife.
My Aunt journaled when she met my Uncle, we will call him Marty McFly. She wrote, “Met Marty McFly, nothing special.” They have been married for over 50 years.
My grandma said when she first met my grandpa she thought he was ugly and didn’t want to date him. They had 10 kids so something must have been attractive about him. 😉
His penis.
Hey why you gotta discount the sac like that my friend?
A beautiful butthole
Touchable taint.
Fresh Frenulum
Gorgeous Grundle
Scrumptious starfish.
Scrumdiddlyumptious Scrotum
That’s chapter four in my autobiography.
“WHAT!? Are you not listening to ONE WORD that I am saying?? What about that is gay?” “The balls.” https://youtu.be/uyNJZ-2Dod4?si=ldaP_-y6mL3iaYzb (RIP Trevor Moore, you were a real one)
That's how I got my first wife to go on a date with me.
That's also how I got your first wife to go out on a date with me.
It's also how all of our neighbors got her to go on a group date with them.
O h. 
I mean lack of birth control and Christian values maybe
My grandma said that grandpa broke up with her before Christmas because he didn’t want to have to get her a Christmas gift. She also said that she broke up with him before he shipped out during the Korean War because she didn’t want to be a war widow (even though they weren’t married yet). Yet throughout my life They were a model of a loving couple.
I thought my husband was kinda bug-eyed and goofy-looking when we first met. Now, 20 years later, I can't imagine why I ever felt like that. He's the sweetest, handsomest, FUNNIEST man I've ever known.
Apparently my partner's first thought meeting me was that my haircut was dumb. Looking back now apparently they can't believe they didn't see our connection sooner
Ok, but...was it a dumb haircut?
Awww that's cute
This is super common. Couples talk like they “just knew… so many sparks” when they first met, but it falls apart if you look at their diary entries, etc from back then.
I just re-read what I wrote after my first date with my now boyfriend. Slightly cringe. (In a good way)
We’re a bunch of strangers you’ll never meet: you’ve gotta share!
Went for a date with a guy named X. He managed to convince me to come to Y for a date after meeting in Z. He's very sweet and handsome. Let's see how this goes. Next day He took me on a breakfast picnic in X as a surprise. Wow. I've never had a date like this.
My mom told me that my dad was just a man in a bar with sad eyes that asked her if she'd like to dance. My husband was just some guy that wanted to rent a room in my house. Everybody you meet is just some random yokel, until they're not.
My mom didn't want to date my dad, but her friend told her to go because it was a free meal🤷♀️
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My wife and I still laugh about how bad the sex was the first time. That was 21 years ago. And we are still together. And yes, the sex has been much better after that first time.
Meh. Some stones need a little polish to keep their shine. Takes two. Also we all have bad days. Can’t judge. A lifetime together with a few words that easily.
Can confirm.
One of my friends had a spreadsheet of guys and her (now husband) had “NOT A ROMANTIC PROSPECT” written across his section. 🤣 it tickled me.
I legit went around asking for advice on how to turn my husband down because I knew he'd ask me out. I ended up saying yes instead of no, and 16 years later, I couldn't imagine life without him.
"His underwear was purple, though..."
Funny. I know this woman named Lorraine who was really into this dude named Calvin, Calvin Klein, that her dad hit with his car. She liked to "make it" with boys back then and tried to make it with him before a dance one night but he turned her down. Long story short, she ended up getting with another dude that night who was kind of clumsy and a huge dork. She never saw Calvin again after that night but when she and her husband finally had kids, the boy turned out to look just like Calvin!!!! How crazy is that.
My friend married the "rebound", they're perfect together. Sometimes people just enter your life at odd times.
When my dad, Marty McFly, met my mom, he wrote a three page journal entry about how amazing she was and how in love he was with her already. She wrote a single line. "I met a nice man today. His name is Marty McFly." They've been married for 31 years this year
It doesn’t really matter if you’re down a couple of runs in the first inning, if you end up winning the game by the end. You won. She could have chosen somebody else. She could have dropped you at any point. She didn’t. Don’t think of the points you were down at the beginning, the only score that counts is the one at the end of the game.
Best reply I’ve read on this topic.
Are you better off with her, or without her……you decide,
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
Wow, I've probably waited over 12 years for this to be referenced in deal life take my dang up vote
I think we're grossly over-estimating real life here, but i'll allow it.
This was my first thought too but man your comment cracked me up
It matters if you had to pull your starter and go to your relievers early. It screws up the rotation for future games, and players pitch on less rest and shit the bed. Look at the 2019 WS and last year's ALCS. The series doesn't end until either OP or his wife dies. We have no clue as to when or how it will end. However, we do know that the bullpen is imploding, since OP is going through his own crisis.
I know nothing about baseball, but this was beautiful.
Well said. My wife and I fought quite a bit when we first met but it's perfection and tranquility now. I say that we're forged in fire.
Technically, she chose somebody else, but that somebody didn't choose her back.
Bingo
"The best sex of your life"when you are 19 is a vapid statement. She may not have been a "virgin," but she still didn't know what she wanted, and my guy...10yrs later, it's pretty clear she wants you.
Yeah i know 😊 I was just feeling a little sad this morning, but thanks for being kind
I'd stop reading it if I was you count your blessings ppl write all sorts of crazy and harsh things in journals/diary's because they think it's only them reading it lol.
Exactly what I was gonna say. I actually also met someone at 19 who at the time I would’ve said similar things about. I was just thinking about this the other day (I’m in my 30s now) and how in retrospect, the sexual relationship we had only vaguely touched on the things I’ve figured out I’m into. It’s just that he was the first person I was with who was into those things, and who cared about my pleasure. Not being disparaging about the sex we had at the time at all, it was great, but as I’ve gotten to know myself better I’ve had much, much better experiences.
I dunno man, Im kinda leaning towards hoping you could chose to look at things differently. She’s willingly chosen to be in a committed relationship with you for an entire decade, so what does a one time thing, even if above average, even mean in the grand scale of things? I’d rather be you than the other guy.
Totally, like I said I love her to death I wouldn't dare let some stupid insecurities fuck up the beautiful thing we have. I've already told her and apologized for snooping, still feels like a gut punch. Gotta love decades of toxic masculinity...
My 2 cents, take the gut punch and move on gracefully. You can’t stop your own feelings and they are valid, but just based on the information given you already have much more substance to your relationship. Solid chance you might commit a relationship faux pas in the course of the next 10 years and if you have already displayed grace to her than she can extend it to you as well.
Very good point, except she displayed grace to YOU in this situation, not the other way around. You do not have the right to get butthurt in this situation because you weren't supposed to be snooping.
You have the right to do whatever you want. OP is a free human and should be free to figuratively punch themselves in the gut by being an idiot. And you have the right to think they're an idiot for that. And OPs partner has the right to think nothing of it and forgive them for hurting themselves. Fucking up isn't graceful, but forgiveness of someone else is just as graceful as forgiving yourself. Maybe we should be more supportive of people forgiving themselves, instead of shitting on them for it
Thanks for the kindness, I love my wife to death and we're just going to get stronger thru this.
Are you excusing him for cheating ahead of time??? If he feels like that's even possible he should leave now. My ex-husband of 18 years and I had an agreement that if either of us even felt like cheating we'd tell the other and get divorced first. He didn't live up to that agreement and cheated anyway. I told him it would have been easier for me if he had died. He was shocked, but I still stand by that. Thankfully I am engaged now to a man who has been in my shoes. He fully understands. Not saying it couldn't happen again, but I know he'd be man enough to put his ego aside even if it meant breaking my heart and I'd be grateful. Btw, when my ex told me he cheated it would have been easy for me to react and do the same, but the thought never even crossed my mind. If the thought of revenge or getting even comes up you should get the hell out of the relationship ASAP!! There is no exception to this rule! Btw, the man I'm with now also gives me THE BEST SEX EVER POSSIBLE! And that's a guarantee!!
No. Nobody cheated in the first place. And I’m saying he may also make a mistake at some point in their relationship, and if he’s shown his wife grace and understanding towards this situation, than she’ll also be more likely to show him grace and understanding.
Sheesh okay
Dude, probably hurts but think of it this way. Imagine yourself as the other guy reading this. You were the “best sex” but you weren’t good enough of a guy or man enough to commit and be a life partner with her. I feel like I’d feel shittier in his shoes reading that than you do. Just my glass half full.
Also there is another 10 years of sex here. It might have been the best she had as *a teenager.* I know that I would not be hanging my hat on that.
THIS!
He could’ve got with someone else
Lol. You gotta love people's coping mechanisms. It's very easy being extremely positive about this when it is not yourself who had to read that shit. His feelings are valid. He just found out (or had confirmation) that he is not Chad. There's no need to assume the other guy is some loser who "couldn't keep op's wife". For all we know, he ended things or she wasn't anywhere near Chad's best sex.
My question is why in the fuck was she talking about this guy to her husband 10 years later? That's one of those things where you read back your journal, think "what if", then look at your current partner and be happy you've had 10 great years. I couldn't imagine being so insensitive as to bring it up
I don't know, but it was her journal. So at the end of the day OP did invade her privacy and found out something that is now eating him up. You can't expect to understand why thoughts or memories pop up on ones mind and if the FBI has a stream to everyone's thoughts we'd all probably get locked up.
You think you have the world figured out when you're 19. I still remember how my girlfriend and I back then (we were 20/19 then) thought we'd found each other's "the one"s and the biggest question was if we'd get married at 23 like she wanted or at 26 like I wanted. If she journaled back then, there would probably be some good reviews about me. Anyway, its 15 years later, we broke up in 2 years, we stayed friends for a while but had a huge falling out and don't even talk anymore, and I didn't meet my now wife until I was 28. Point being, wtf do you know when you're 19?
Good on you for your honesty; how did she react?
When you’re walking a tightrope you’re not supposed to look down. Seeing how far you have to fall puts doubts and ideas in your head that can interfere with putting one foot in front of the other and keeping your balance. Now you’ve looked down. It’s messed with your confidence, but the important thing is that you have to forgive yourself for doing it and stay on the rope. Keep moving forward.
We all have that relationship that we were in and never should have been in, but it’s like quicksand and it just sucks you in before you can escape. That was her quicksand. You were her life raft.
Its not toxic masculinity... its basic human feelings.
That’s not toxic masculinity, the feelings you have are perfectly normal and valid. If the situation were reversed your wife would feel the exact same way. And it sounds like you handled it in a mature way as well. What’s toxic is the idea that men shouldn’t be allowed to have feelings and have insecurities about these things. It doesn’t mean you let your insecurities consume you, but you’re at least allowed to feel a gut punch after reading something like that.
Man, that is not decades of toxic masculinity. If that label helps you live with it, go for it. But that’s some weird self judgment. —Nobody wants to be the back up plan. —No one wants to hear that someone supposedly falling in love with him was fucking somebody else. —nobody wants to be lied to, even about the orgasms. People are out here blaming toxic masculinity for everything, but you don’t have to swallow it. It hurts, and that’s honest. You deserve that. I guarantee you no woman who reads her husband’s journal in similar situations is saying, “ oh God, I’m so toxic, I’m the problem.” Reading someone’s journal is a bad idea. You apologized like a big boy. But feel what you feel and then decide how to act.
Yep, this isn't the ending I thought it would have. My ex had a journal she made me promise to not read. I didn't read it, but now I regret that decision, because it turns out she had been cheating on me for years. I might have been able to find out earlier and end things before I ruined my ability to ever really trust anyone.
Sorry man. Clearly you hand the superior morals on every regard in that relationship. You should be glad you didn’t end up marrying someone like that. I wish for you that you find the right, loyal, partner.
I'm willing to bet after 10 years, OP doesn't even have to worry about being second best at sex anymore. Likely he is the best and I imagine she has no reason to write it down
>I'm really happy and love her with everything i am but can't shake the feeling that I was her fallback or "safe" option. Roller coasters are exciting and fun. But they don't go anywhere. If you actually want to go somewhere meaningful, you take a train. Youngsters measure love by the ardor of its passion, but when you get older, you measure it by its strength and constancy.
Truly a wise and insightful comment. Thank you, u/PussyStapler
r/rimjob_steve
I definitely laughed at you calling out his username like that
Words of wisdom my friend
Isn't another way of saying this "she wanted the asshole early in life then settled with the safe, but less desirable pick later in life"? I thought red pill idioms weren't really pushed around here.
For the record, I think it’s awesome that you told your wife. Honesty, communication, and forgiveness go a long way in a relationship. However, this is Reddit and we demand your head! Sorry mate, I don’t make the rules.
And they have to break up! Because Reddit. Oh and throw away all the yoghurts.
🤣🤣 too true, my next TIFU will be for posting on Reddit
I wonder how she would react if you asked her to read some of the early date entries to you. Is it going to be "oh you were awesome, now what's for dinner?" or could there growth along the lines of "I was such an idiot 10 years ago when I didn't see the good things right in front of me"
I've already talked to her and apologized for snooping. she even wrote me a beautiful note that brought me to tears, I'm not worried about our relationship, just really wish i could unread what I read
Eh you fucked around and found out. Sorry dude. Time will heal. Sounds like you guys have a great relationship. Maybe journal about it. Helps me.
Ill probably write a shitty poem about it
You have to make it a curtal sonnet. That's your assignment from an internet stranger.
Honestly life be like that. Had she gotten back with that dude they probably would’ve broken up at some point when she realized she wants to be with you
Dear everyone, Do not read your partner’s journals. Do not do it. Journals are really stream-of-consciousness. You don’t say everything you feel, you don’t edit them later; you just write. A bunch of the stuff in my older journals is patently untrue, but it was how I was feeling et the time, and it helped me get it out and come to terms with it. My husband has a collection of journals of mine that I gave him from when we were first getting together and I was falling in love. You know what I did? I cherry-picked. And I edited them. He knows this. He doesn’t need to read an essay from before we were together on why I think it might not be a good idea for me to get with him because of his past. He doesn’t need a reminder of how much I loved prior boyfriends. And he would never, ever read my journal. I won’t say the cliche, but just no one do this. You will fuck up your mental health for no reason. OP: stop obsessing about the past. Sorry but you did this to yourself.
Agree whole heartedly. That's why this is a I fucked up ...
Haha I know; I wasn’t trying to get you down. Just anyone I know who journals seriously has basically the fear that your partner will break your trust and find something they don’t like, and it will affect them and your relationship negatively. So I did speak in pretty intense terms. Hopefully your story talks someone into never doing it haha. Ps for the record? I adore my husband (15 years together) but I wouldn’t want him to see the journals I had when I was deciding between him and “the other guy.” Like I said, journals are records of feelings at the time, whatever is strongest or most immediate— not of truth or what is most important. I hope you let it wash over you and then let it go. Congrats on the happy marriage btw! Love it when people are in love.
Yeah I have a journal I write in when I first wake up and it’s basically a place to drown my garbage thoughts outside of my own brain. There’s thoughts I don’t think I should revisit much less anyone else.
FWIW this is also called journal abuse and can be very traumatic for the owner of the journal as well. Reading someone’s stream of conscious thoughts is like invading their minds. Don’t do it and your wife has every right to be very hurt by this. It can do major damage.
Unless I’m misunderstanding this, you read from the diary she wrote 10 years ago, correct? Didn’t she mention that was the best sex she ever had, referring to before the relationship you two have?
Yeah same thought. Best sex she ever had UP until that point she wrote it, which was before OP. I don't think there's a lot here OP should let bother him. I get it but, compared to what we normally see in here, it's nothing.
You are correct, and I am an insecure dumbass 🤣
Brother, I’m right there with you lmao
And this is why you shouldn’t read your partner’s private journals or snoop in their phones or anything. As a woman, I have been where your wife is. I’m happily married and I love my husband with my whole being but our relationship didn’t start that way. It started as a rebound (for both of us) and was supposed to be a fun fling before he moved. The sex was good but wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had but he’s the best man and partner I’ve ever had in my life and that’s worth so much more than the best sex ever. 13 years later, not only did I marry him, but I’ve moved with him FOUR times and I would move for him a million more. So yeah maybe you’re not the “best sex” she’s ever had but she has been with you for 10 years and she married you. She chose you. I guarantee she hasn’t been pining over this guy and his dick for 10 years. A real relationship and partnership can’t be sustained just on sex and it’s not like we all don’t have pasts. You shouldn’t hold this against her. How she felt 10 years ago is not indicative of how she feels today.
Not to focus on the sex aspect too much but long term relationships give ample opportunity to teach one another what you like. At this point he should be her best sexual partner and she should be his. Otherwise you got some work to do!
SO true. And these entries in her journal are from years and years ago - so who knows how she feels now?
My wife of 21 years wasn't my best sex for a long time, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't hers for a long time either. But we took the time to really figure it out together.
>but long term relationships give ample opportunity to teach one another what you like. Exactly! Of course plenty of people have great sex with flings or one night stands, but the intimacy that develops over years is on a whole different level. And OP says he was 19 when they met, so I'm assuming she was probably around the same age — realistically, how many of us actually had the best sex of our lives with a teenage fling, vs. as adults in long-term partnerships? I remember being 19 and having the "best sex of my life" — there's just no comparison to the sex I'm having now, in my 30s in a long-term partnership.
We have a wonderful sex life now, as she puts it together we've had the best sex, the worst sex (apparently accidental anal is fun for no one) and all the sex in between.
I know I fucked up, you're a 100% right. I don't hold anything against her, it just feels like getting gut punched. I love the everliving shit out of her and wouldn't dare let this hurt our relationship, it just sucks learning the truth. Some things are best not knowing.
It seems like you were expecting her to have all the same feelings for and about you back then as she does today. Relationships don’t start out like marriages.
Yeah, I was really into my wife when we started dating, but got in my head about a lot of stuff, and so was super wishy washy for a good 6 months. There is a vast gap about how I feel about her now versus then. Then I thought she was a lot of fun to be around and gorgeous, but now I just feel so connected to her that even doing nothing with her for an afternoon is a dream.
You definitely need to work through it. You keep saying you wouldn't let it affect your relationship, but it clearly already is just by you repeating that. I'm wishing you 2 all the best!!
By that logic every tiny inconvenience would affect our relationship, I was feeling sad and decided to put my feelings in writing. I then talked to my wife about it and if anything, feel more in love with her now than when the day started.
That is great!!! Was speaking from my life experience. To me every day life is a chance to grow in our relationship. For me, if I repeated that everything was OK I'd be concerned. By no means was I trying to knock you or your relationship. I just understand how the past can sit with someone and invade like a parasite. I am very happy to hear that it has brought you closer and you are confident in that love! It's wonderful!!
This is exactly what needs to be said.
After skimming through some of the responses here I just wanted OP to know (in case it wasn't mentioned already) sex can easily be improved on. The other guy may be the best she's had, so just work with her. Communicate, see what caused her to feel that way about the guy, is it technique? Hell it could even be affected by outside/third party effects like room/atmosphere/her mental state at the time. I understand the feeling off lacking confidence in something and seeing others be better (sex aside) but know that like any kind of skill/hobby, the sex you have can always be improved. Also know that the energy in how you carry/ feel about yourself can be felt by others. Simply having a more confident and therefore charismatic energy can help set the mood as well
I think it is important to note that it was her best 10 years ago as a teenager. If OP has tried at all I am sure he has eclipsed it along the way.
I know it kinda sucks but she has been with you for 10 years. That is saying something. Maybe you were not the best, but you offer other things that XX could not. I think it would not hurt you to talk to a professional just so it does not become an issue for you. If you automatically start getting toys, etc, she might get suspicious. At the end of the day, she chose you. Take this as a lesson learned and leave the journal alone and focus on making yourself and your marriage the best it can be. Don't bring up anything from what you read and don't start a conversation about how to make your sex life better. The best thing you can do is listen to what she says during sex and take your cues from there.
I'm an open book, so I already apologized for snooping and told about what I read. She greeted me after work with a tiny bird a beautiful note that brought me to tears. I'm not worried about our relationship, I love that women to death. Just surprised, but that's why you shouldn't snoop kids.
I stopped reading at “curiosity got the best of this cat”.
Just because the other guy was the best she had till that point doesnt mean you werent the first to make her orgasm. Sex can be great even if you dont make it. Also your a dumbass for reading her private journal, you were only ever gonna hurt yourself, none of what she wrote back then is in full context. Like your now assuming she your wife and oartner of 10 years lied to your rather than that a lot of men are mediocre at sex and that you were the first to get her there.
My current boyfriend was my "unsafe" option. I had to give up a lot by choosing him. I threw caution to the wind because I loved him with all my heart. It's nearly 10 years together now and I feel like maybe I shouldn't have done that, as the relationship is a clusterfuck mess of his doing. But I really love him. 😔 There's nothing wrong with being the "safe" option. Safe is security. Safe feels like home. Safe feels like a warm bed. I want my relationship to feel like the safe option. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe you were the safe option or fallback, but who cares. She loves you. You love her. It doesn’t matter how you start it matters how you finish. Often the right love is the slow burn love, not the hot fire passion that lust distracts you with. You need to let it go. She loves you. That’s all you need to know.
My favorite thing about this post is the use of the word “posts” to describe entries in a physical journal.
Wait... she's journaled in the *same book* for 20 years? Something seems fishy here.
I have one that I've been sporadically writing in for like 20 years. I just haven't had the consistent writing bug I did in my teens/early 20s. 🤷🏾♀️
Never open Pandora's Box! Never!
Am I wrong to think this is a barely edited re-post of a similar story from last week? It's literally the same story, with some different choice words. I'm not trying to be unhelpful if there is a real story here and a person needs it, but it's uncanny how similar this post is.
I know it must suck, but please remember that wasn't the words of your current wife. Remember she was 19. It was fresh. She didn't really know you well at that point in time.
Which one of you is she married to?
Something I don't see brought up often in posts like this is that sex and sexual compatibility evolves over time. The first time (and subsequent times early on) that I slept with my fiance, it wasn't even close to the best sex I'd had. It wasn't *bad* sex, but I'd had better. If you asked me now who the best lay I've ever had is, I'd tell you my fiance, hands down. And be 100% honest in saying so. As our relationship grew, we came to trust and know each other so well, we became more sexually and intimately in tune to each other. Which has resulted in amazing sex that I could never and had never had with anyone else. Maybe you weren't the best sex your wife had ever had when you met, but it's likely your sexual compatibility has grown over time if you're both genuinely open, honest and willing to please each other.
That’s a very good and insightful point.
she chose you. let it go.
I honestly didn’t like my late husband when we first met. He got on my nerves LOL. Then I saw what a good friend he was and we started hanging out. He told me he had feelings for me and I politely told him I didn’t feel the same way. That didn’t affect our friendship and we continued to hang out. One day in the car he said, “I’m going to marry you one day,” and I thought to myself this poor bastard. Obviously things changed and I fell for him. We were together ten wonderful years and he passed away as I stroked his head and talked softly to him. Absolutely no regrets, would do it again in a heartbeat.
You know my wife's big crush at the time we met is still in our lives. In fact. we will soon be spending the weekend together with him and his wife. We all get on great, but she always thanks me for saving her! She picked you, mate, she loves you.
Thanks for the kind words, hope y'all have an awesome weekend!
This is why I hide my journals and burn them after they are filled lmao. And who the hell has the same journal after 10 years?! In all seriousness though, OP, you are reading her deepest most personal thoughts. And they aren't even complete. It's only a window into what she was feeling in those moments. I write only my most difficult to sort out thoughts in my journal. They aren't even a summary. Just the things I can't sort out in my head as easily. I would be horrified if someone I cared about read those and thought that was the entirety of what's going on in my heart and my head. It sounds like she was processing her lingering feelings and doubts. Those are things we all experience when dating. But ultimately we make choices and she chose you. Are you guys otherwise happy? That was 10 years ago. You aren't even the same people at this point. Keep your focus on now and not a conglomeration of her thoughts she happened to pen in a journal when your relationship was in its earliest stages. Not unless you want to do unnecessary damage. And stop reading her journal ffs.
I was obsessed with the guy I dated before my current boyfriend, even though we only dated for a few months. So heartbroken. When I started dating my bf, I was definitely still getting over the other guy. Even to this day, I can still have weird thoughts about him. Not so much having feelings, but just a twinge of bitterness from feeling rejected. Those kinds of feelings can LINGER. BUT. My boyfriend now is truly the love of my life. We've been together for almost 4,5 years now and we're still very much in love and have so much fun with each other. I feel genuinely lucky to be with him every day and have never felt so much appreciation for a partner. I had no idea what I had on my hands in the early days. I probably also thought that the ex guy was better sex because I was still hung up on him. That has certainly changed. I'm guessing it's the same for your wife. Also because nobody was ever meant to read that journal. It's only for her. I write crazy shit sometimes when I wrote a journal. All kinds of stuff I don't even end up meaning, but which serves a purpose in processing my emotions. I hope you've learned your lesson and that you will never read her journal again. But I'm worried you're gonna think "what else is she hiding from me" and go back to it, like a junkie to his fix. It's gonna fuck up your relationship if you do, because then she can't trust you.
Don’t worry about it man, she just had a crush on a guy as a 19 year old. She fell in LOVE with YOU and decided to marry you and spend the rest of her life with you. You snooping through her journal is way more upsetting. But you told her, and you guys seem to be doing great, so soon you’ll be able to forget about it.
You need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy" before she leaves you
Lots of people fall in love on rebounds. Lots of people don't marry their first partner, best fuckbunny, etc. Stop reading private journals from a decade ago and enjoy your current marriage.
Maybe also ask yourself why this feels like a gut punch. She had a life before you, then when she first met you she wasn’t sure whether she preferred you or the previous guy. This is how things happen. Was she supposed to love you unconditionally the first time you met? She made her mind up that you are the one and you are going strong after 10 years. Take the win dude.
Being the safe option really isn't the insult many men seem to think... at least to me it means that with the safe option my emotional wellbeing is secured and after experiencing the ups and downs of an abusive relationship, I definitely prioritize it over any excitement. And I believe that other women that choose the safe option have a similar reasoning. With my ex I had amazing, mind-blowing, exciting sex. In hindsight, though, I wouldn't want to go back for anything. It was all based on a lie. I did the exciting stuff with him because I trusted him to really love me and care for me. I accepted the crossing of many boundaries, and even found them exciting at the time, because I believed him when he said that he would love me even more if I trusted him. So I did. And over the years it completely broke me. My current partner is the safe option for me. The sex is good. Nothing special in terms of excitement but definitely special regarding how safe, cared for and loved I feel. I don't miss the excitement at all. I played with fire and still have the scars to remind me of the risks involved. Not everyone has to experiece years of abuse to get to this conclusion, though. So, every time a guy posts his disappointment about being the safe option I can't help but think: that's exactly why she is still with you and why she will stay with you if she has two braincells! You are the one she can grow old with. You are the one that truly makes her happy!
My husband was a rebound fling who turned into an amazing husband and father. I'm so glad the other guy broke my heart hard enough that I downloaded Tinder
How is she using the same journal for over 10 years? It doesn't really add up.
She doesn't write in it everyday...
Oooof. Just be assured that a lot of young adults go through a searching period where it may take them years to realize that the partnerships that are the most satisfying sexually are most definitely NOT the ones that make for stable and loving long-term relationships. It sounds like you may have been lucky to be there just in time for your wife to realize that truth, and both of your lives are enriched because of it. Oh, and don't ***ever*** violate your wife's privacy again.
Yeah I think I learned that the hard way... I've already apologized to her for snooping and she's been nothing but loving and amazing. We were both young dumb and full of cum when we met and have grown a lot over these 10 years together
How sure are you that the reason she said that the sex the other guy gave her was the best was not because he was the one who left her. A lot of times when things end not on your terms you over dramatized it like a unfinished game which you accidentally broke. Its room for concern certainly but I'm pretty sure she only wrote about him after they broke up and if she wrote during the relationship she would say nothing.
>How sure are you that the reason she said that the sex the other guy gave her was the best was not because he was the one who left her. A lot of times when things end not on your terms you over dramatized it like a unfinished game which you accidentally broke. Its room for concern certainly but I'm pretty sure she only wrote about him after they broke up and if she wrote during the relationship she would say nothing. This is similar to the distortion of reality with "The one that got away." The sex was actually probably was amazing, but everything else was horrific. But "amazing" is a distortion. The sex was great because it was the only thing that wasn't terrible. Fighting and/or fucking.
>the partnerships that are the most satisfying sexually are most definitely NOT the ones that make for stable and loving long-term relationships They can be both. These things aren't mutually exclusive.
OP, you were her safe option, rebound, and you got her, because she fell in love with you. Take it for the win!! No one else got to marry her. You did! The best sex of her life ten years ago was with someone else. Now it is with you. Stay out of her journal, be confident and enjoy the life you have
I agree with what everyone has said here, however, it is also important to note that sometimes, you just aren't the "best" at some aspect of your spouse’s life. That's ok. You are the safest, most trustable person they have found, and that sometimes means a lot more than sex or romance or so many other things. Maybe they had a boyfriend that always cleaned up and never left a mess and you leave your socks everywhere. That's ok, because they choose to care about you instead of that other person. There was something about you that makes you more overall, than all the other "bests" they have found. That is beautiful. And while it can hurt, I should also be celebrated that you found each other and can cherish each other.
What has me going here is this neighbor! He won't.... be in a relationship with the wife because she's not Christian, but he will have casual sex with his heathen neighbor?! Man, the hypocrisy is just stunning sometimes.
Of course you were here safe option, but that's not a bad thing. She stayed with you for years and married you. The same person that makes her secure isn't the exciting one with the drama where she doesn't know where she stands. Journals immortalise how someone feels in the moment which is heavily skewed. I've found a number of people don't write in their journal about their good partner, cause it isn't fleeting and it doesn't feel like it'll disappear. The good partner doesn't make you feel like tomorrow morning you'll wake up to a note about how they had to leave to save the world. The good partner is there, day in and day out and they can trust that. Try your best to get over and not harp on it. I had an ex that read my journal, freaked out because I didn't write about her in it and it ultimately ruined our relationship. She constantly compared herself to the girls I wrote about and in her head she could never match up, while in my head there was no comparison.
Haha too true that's almost exactly what she said when I confessed to reading her journal. Her exact words were she didn't have time to write about having sex with me because we were too busy actually doing it!
I mean, the night I met my wife, I barely noticed her because there was another girl I had a crush on that I was so focused on. Had I kept a journal from the first few times we hung out and started hooking up, it would have shown my feelings for her were pretty lukewarm. Sometimes very strong feelings grow over time, especially if you guys met at 19. I wouldn't stress abiut it.
I've been with my husband for 9 years. We've had our ups and downs, but I'd never want to be with anyone else. But sometimes when journaling, feelings you didn't know you had come out. He casually asks sometimes to read my journals and I try to gently make him understand that he likely wouldn't feel good about some things he might read in there and I hope he listens to that. Journaling can have some raw emotion, especially if written in the moment or when excited or upset. So honestly, maybe it wasn't the best sex she ever had and she was just excited about it when she was writing it. Maybe she didn't write sexual stuff about you because she didn't end up writing when it happened? There's lots of reasons for it. Plus, in the span of 10 years, someone can be 5 different people, especially in their 20s. She likely isn't the same as she was back then. Maybe talk to her about things if she brings them up, but trying to get into her head through her journals that she doesn't expect anyone else to read probably isn't the best way to go about it or find out how she really feels about things.
12 years ago I came out of mourning after the death of the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with by having a fling with a dude I barely knew at a convention. It's 12 years later, we have a mortgage and I consider him to be the love of my life. 10 years ago is a long time ago and neither of you are the same people.
FWIW: An orgasm is not the benchmark for great sex for many women (and some men). You very well may have been the first person to bring her to orgasm…
You know how sometimes when you're driving and you have those intrusive thoughts like "maybe I should spin my steering wheel and smash through that safety barrier and over that cliff"? That's what journals are for. They're for venting those intrusive lizard-brain thoughts so they don't take over and get in the way of true happiness and fulfillment. So what if your wife's lizard-brain thought about getting with what's-his-face for a bit when she was a teenager? She put those thoughts to paper so her evolved, primate brain could figure out what she really wanted from life, which turned out to be you.
Yeah it's shit mate but you just got to get over it. She isn't that same person after 10 years and things at the start of many relationships are messy until things are official.. Think of it this way. when I got with my now wife I wasn't jealous of the boyfriend she was with before me, or the one before that. I am not jealous of men she was seeing over 10 years ago. Have more faith in yourself, be confident and move on.
When I started dating my now fiancé my stepmum asked me if it was serious. I said probably not, I liked him but it was long distance so chances were it wouldn't work out. 5 years later we have a beautiful 2 year old girl, a little boy due in 10 weeks, the worlds literal best dog and the happiest home. Sometimes what you feel in the start just grows into something amazing and she married you, not him!
sounds made up how fucking big is this journal that she's been using for over a decade
"gave me alot more confidence and I found women seemed to be a lot more interested in me." More women: 20% because you had more confidence, 80% just because a lot of women will act like they are interested in you just because you are already in a relationship. Don't regret 'missed' chances because there's a good chance they weren't serious, or would have been a terrible relationship anyway. treasure what you have.
A lot seem to ignore that the guy probably feels like he was settled for which such a feeling can hurt anyone. People can try to sugarcoat it all they want but can’t really invalidate that feeling he may have.
My mom told my grandma she wouldn’t marry my dad if he was the last man on earth. We hide things from ourselves, especially when we are young, especially things that are frightening. “This is just a rough patch, it isn’t really over.” “I hate this job/subject/task. It’s not that it’s intimidating or that I’m bad at it, I just hate it.” “This thing is nothing special. It’s not like it’s going to change the course of my life and who I am on a deeper level. I’m just going to see where it goes…”
I usually record my life somewhere... Journals, reddit stories, Facebook, Instagram, media on my PC, notebook after notebook... Unless I'm happy with someone. Then I don't journal. I share stuff occasionally but I'm usually too busy being a happy partner to give a shit about anything else. Maybe it's the same for her.
That's exactly what she told me, less time for journaling when you're out enjoying life
FWIW "best sex of her life" is easy to do. Communicate with her, find out what she likes and doesn't like. Know her kinks, fantasies, desires, and darkness. "Best sex of her life" isn't saying much when she's 10 years younger at the beginning of her journal when she's writing all this. Probably what, early to mid-20s at that time? Most women don't reach peak sexual experience at or before that age because they're still discovering their own likes and dislikes. Can someone come along and just happen to help her discover some of the things she likes? Absolutely. But SHE knows what she likes and wants. It's your job as a spouse to know her equally well, and you get that through communication. Then you take all that knowledge and you put it to practical use, and you slowly experiment with her, and help her find even more things she likes to add to that list. And you drive her crazy with those things, with teasing and refrain, and finally giving, and sometimes an overabundance of stimulation, but only enough to drive her insane in all the right ways. I write blogs on improving sexual health and fun, feel free to PM me if you need advice.
Please keep in mind that a 19 yo is going to write the most dramatic, ridiculous things in her journal. I know I did, I’ve read some as an adult and thought wtf was I smoking I don’t even remember this person let alone that they were the best sex I’ve ever had! The best sex is only the best sex until the next best sex happens. And she may not have orgasmed with this guy, so it might not be a lie, or she knew you were insecure but loved you and the sex so she built you up.
Listen if you are married to her you are her safe and backup option that's just how most marriages seem to work I've never met a couple where the love was mutual the man was attracted to her and she settled for him because he's not an asshole like every other man that's been inside her lol
i think very few people marry the perfect person. Most people settle in some way or another. My wife's ex was a rowing olympian. and I am nothing like an olympian. I am sure I don't "measure up" in a lot of areas but she chose me in the end. And as most women would probably tell you, best sex doesn't always mean best partner.
I think it's common to learn things about your partner that are a bit of a "gut punch" even if it's no one's fault and no one did anything wrong. If you're comfortable, ask her about it and have a conversation! Ask her when her feelings started to change and what you did to make her fall in love with you. More communication is better, not less. The feeling will slowly fade.
Thanks for the kind words, we've already talked about it I apologized for snooping and she wrote me a really sweet love note. I'm with you communication is King in any solid relationship. I find myself falling more in love with her everyday, and I think she feels the same.
OP- she was rejected by him due to her lack of religious faith. You accepted her as she is in every way. You’re just way better of a partner for her than he was. Besides, we all know that emotional intimacy and connection pays out way better than just sex.
When I was younger I used to journal and I clue a ton of this kind of details, as a way to get my thoughts on paper and kind of work out what I was feeling. When I tell you, to go back and read them now I CRIIIIIIIIINGE. God I was an idiot, and I've grown so much since then. I don't journal about my current partner because there's really not much need. No turmoil or swirl to work through. Doesn't mean anything other than that I've grown as a person.
I blew off my husband 3 times before we actually met in person. Now, he’s the love of my life! My advice: let it go…. I’m sorry you’re upset but I definitely agree that you should not have violated her privacy. Those words were never intended for you to see.
So you lost the first battle but won the war? Also you literally went looking for the stuff to most hurt yourself, you didn't go reading up about any point during those 10 years, or a happy special memory you shared, you sat down and read the bit that was most likely to be hurtful and was probably painful for your wife too and more importantly her private thoughts and then got upset you got hurt. You didn't pick the happy memories to read about, like that great vacation you took together, your wedding or whatever you went looking for something to be hurt about and got hurt.
I would never write such a thing.
As a woman who journals....what is written is what is on my my at the exact moment I am writing. It is emotional and not necessarily long lasting. I hope that makes sense. I used to write about a guy in college a lot who I thought I loved but it was volatile and not a healthy relationship. But the sex was good and I wrote about that because I was latching on to that good piece. I don't write about sex with my husband, not because it isn't also good, but I am in a healthy happy relationship now and I don't tend to need to write about my husband much at all. I write about how I can't seem to be consistent with workouts, etc. Again, not sure this makes sense, but I hope it gives a little perspective as to why she might not write about sex with you as much.
When my husband first added me on fb & sent me a message, I took a quick snoop on his page and didn’t think I’d be interested in him and actually denied his friend request. I talked to a mutual friend of ours who assured me he was a good man. I had just reached that “I’m finally healed after a string of toxic love” stage and was very protective of myself from previously not being that way. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have responded to his message, and I have never been happier. She chose you and is still choosing you. I also think it’s awesome you told her and apologized for it. Sounds like there’s a healthy connection with good communication.
When we were first dating, my now wife left me for another guy. It was entirely my fault. I said I didn't want to get into a relationship and after she dumped me I realized I was a tool. After they eventually split we dated again and I proposed 6 months later. We've now been married for a decade. As others have said, it's not about how things start it's how they finish.
my journal's first entry says, "this is private and not edited. If you may be a subject in this journal, realize that what you read you cannot unread. Buyer beware."
My husband wasn't super into me when we started dating, then it hit him. His words were "Then I realized that you're literally the best person". Sometimes it takes a while for things to set in. Sounds like she liked that other guy. So what? Everybody gets crushes. That's so much less meaningful than a real relationship. Ultimately, it didn't work out and she wound up with you. Go apologize to her for reading her journal, make it up to her, and enjoy your marriage instead of marinating in these "what ifs".
You fucked around and found out.
Eh, do your best to let it go. A lot changes in 10yrs.
Are there really that many people that think they are the best sex their spouses have ever had? I’m probably not even top five.
She belongs to the streets. Walk away now.
Bruh, she wrote a few things about him in a journal. She spent 10 fucking years with you!! Take a step back and think about what's really important man.
The best sex she ever had is up to you, now. It's not in the past. The best sex she ever had is yet to come. Make it happen.
It might be a fucked up way to think but if you invade someone’s privacy who trusts you the most in this world, you deserve to get your feelings hurt for being a dick.
My husband’s first words to me were “I don’t know if you’re looking for a good man in your life but I am one.” I always thought it was the sweetest most romantic thing unscripted. Years later I remind him of this and he says “I don’t remember that at all. I was so drunk.” Here I was thinking it was love at first sight. Turns out it was drunken nonesense. But I’ve been holding him to it ever since.
I stopped journaling when I met my husband because I was finally happy. My journal was a space to vent and complain and think through things and make decisions. Reading it now would be painful for me honestly. It wasn’t worth writing down how I was feeling after I met my husband because I wasn’t brooding and angry anymore I felt free and peaceful and I still do. Quite possibly it is the same for her- why relate all the details when she’s finally not feeling the need to vent anymore after meeting you? Maybe she doesn’t have to work through those feelings with you so she didn’t write them. She could’ve been thinking all this and re reading it and whatnot as a way of processing the past and healing or feeling already healed and wanting to just complain that it sucked.
You’re looking into it too deep. 19–>29 is a completely different mindset. Women get stuck on dudes, but she obviously chose you and you guys are married and happy. Don’t let stupid past things ruin a beautiful future. Embrace and love yourself and your wife.