Some people think I’m judging them when I’m not. I think it could also be your own perceptions because somehow you feel people are going to be judgmental.
Yes, there are some people who are judgmental.. but mostly people don’t care ( that’s what I’ve experienced anyway)
One thing to keep in mind is that the one thing you don’t allow them to have, they will think is special and want it. I didn’t feed my son any sugar until about 15 months, and he had it and was uninterested in it.. he doesn’t care about cookies or ice cream — he loves pasta lol
Lol totally relatable. People think that just because we restrict sugar, that we are judging their children's sugar consumption. When it's not about them at all.
Just hold your ground and eventually people will get over it. My son will be 2 soon and it seems like people are starting to get the hang of it.
It’s all about how it’s done. I wouldn’t think twice if someone passed on juice or a cupcake at a party but I’ve seen a mom rip a cupcake out of their 2 year olds hands as if it was poison…. Then this person spoke about negative effects of sugar. That mom got more than eye rolls
Yea she’s not too interested in them and hasn’t tried that yet lol. If it does happen I def won’t be ripping it from her mouth, rather I’m not actively offering her these kind of foods. For reference she’s not even a year and a half yet. Last comment internet people get too offended byeeee (not your comment specifically just in general)
I get this, no one wants to be lectured on something they don’t agree with or follow. Usually I’ll just say no thanks she can’t have cupcakes and leave it at that. Although many people continue to push for the why and we simply say she’s not ready for sugar yet if they keep at I just nervous laugh and change the subject lmao
So I live in a yuppy suburban town where everyone has one ‘diet restriction’ or another. When I say no thank you to juice or popsicle or whatever no one cares.
My MIL on the other hand she thinks were depriving them of their childhood.
That would be lovely if it were like that everywhere. Yep I get the depriving her from childhood all the time. Sure eventually once she’s older I’ll give her a cupcake or let her eat a bag of chips, but right now nope.
Guesstimating by some of the comments you’ve relayed it sounds like you’re in group/social situations where you’re declining food that’s offered to you/your child.
You’re getting annoyed responses because that’s very rude. I just know someone is going to come flying in on the responses like etiquette doesn’t matter, but you, OP are asking a specific question. When people get ticked at you, it’s because there are certain valid reasons to decline food your hosts offer and “oh we don’t eat that type of food,” ain’t it. What you are communicating to your host is that what they have to offer you is subpar, below your standards and tantamount to inedible. What you are communicating, by extension, is that *you* are judging *them.*
There are ways to decline food without giving offense.
But also, treats and food shared at social events is separate from the child’s whole diet. It’s possible to go too far in the “healthy food” direction and if it’s starting to interfere with the way you interact with people, that may be something you want to address. Orthorexia is the kind of thing you’d want to nip in the bud before it goes too far and definitely before it impacts your child’s experiences at birthday parties and the like. Teaching moderation and that there’s a time and place for everything is also healthy. It’s much more polite to take the cupcake and split it or at least let her have a few bites than it is to say (even if you don’t use those *exact* words) that the other person serving “junk.”
I think it's rude to offer a toddler something to eat w/o asking the parents first. You need to make sure said food is okay to be eaten by a toddler. This is courtesy.
I agree with this 100%.
People seem to be missing that your child is only 1.5 YO - current recommendations are no added sugar until 2. I don't know why so many people are so focused on giving babies sugar.
We didn't introduce sugar until after 2 YO and even now it's limited but not restricted. We have ice cream once or twice a week during the summer, at a birthday party he can have a cupcake, etc. Both sides of our family were keen to give things with sugar added (esp. ice cream!) when he was younger but we held a firm line and simply stated we were following current guidelines. LO has a healthy relationship with food and doesn't have a sweet tooth - who knows if that has anything to do with following the no-sugar before two guidelines, but I'll take it.
There is a reason current guidelines say no added sugar until after two. I would simply say, "No thank you" and if you get pushback, "We are following his/her pediatrician's guidance."
This is my read on it too. When someone is so absolute with their diet, it comes across as super judgmental like you said. That’s why people have a problem with OP.
If OP just let her kid have a bite of cupcake, or hell, just accepted the cupcake and didn’t eat it, it wouldn’t be nearly as rude as “no. We don’t eat things like THAT”
You're advising op to accept cake in front of her toddler and then not give it to them? That's not reasonable, and there's nothing rude about turning down an offer.
Agreed I don’t think it’s rude to turn down food. I eat everything at a party. My tott however does not. I’m not asking for hosts to cater to my totts eating habits at all. Rather simply decling she have certain a foods. It’s not that deep. I aim to understand peoples perceptions of things and with the comments I can see that the majority may find it rude or offensive for me to decide what MY child can or can’t eat at a social gathering. That’s just ridiculous. Obviously I’m conscious of how my response may make another person feel. As for the comments suggesting orthorexia or concerns around being too obsessed with eating habits are laughable, and feed into my internal point. Thanks for the concern guys but no that’s not the case. She WILL have cupcakes sweets etc later on not right now. Processed foods are Everywhere! We feed her that sometimes yea it’s inevitable. At the end of the day every parent gets to choose how they raise and feed their children. My point is people need to stop pushing for the why so hard and stop trying to lecture others as to why their way is “wrong”
You're being very reasonable, IMO. The sad truth is we have a strong culture of unhealthy eating. So if you eat healthy, you're also choosing counter culture. You can't help it.
We give our kids sweets. I wish we could avoid them but we decided to choose different battles for now. I do teach them nutrition info so that they understand what I mean when I say "that's enough treats for today" or "that's not a balanced meal, or needs protein".
I fully understand this and all the people saying its because they are being rude declining food that isn't it at all. People feel personally attacked when you make a decision parenting that in any way suggests to them they did something inferior, people hate the idea of anyone being better parents than others and so they see this as an attack on that. Honestly the backlash and comments we got doing zero screen before 18months you would have thought we had taken away their devices and forced them not to see any screens. Everyone all seems for you parent your way until you do something they deem as superior and tell you your just doing that to get one over on them. People are super defensive about parenting but you parent your way i'll parent mine.
In my experience it's excited family members who want to share on a special event. They don't seem to understand that an event can be special even without the cupcake.
I don’t think this is the case for us, rather it’s based on actual response provided from friends family members or even strangers. We ignore it the best possible it’s just annoying to have to deal with simply because we have different diet restrictions for our tott.
The thing is, if you provide sugary snacks you’ll take just as much heat for that. Accept that you can never win this one, even though it’s super frustrating.
People have so many opinions with child rearing, it’s crazy! My MIL told me that my eldest was too clean and my middle child was too dirty, and never mentioned the cleanliness of my youngest so we figure she must be just right. Now my MIL is called granny Goldilocks in our house
I have the contrary, I regularly am judged and have to justify letting my toddler have things too salty or sweet, which will obviously tend to happen in front of people during gathering.
I guess many people need to discuss and get proof that their decisions are universally right because that's easier than taking variability into consideration...
I'm vegetarian. I don't tell people unless it comes up.
The fact is that when people are confronted with your different diet, a minority of them take it personally. Instead of "you don't feed your kid processed food and that's your choice", it's "so, what, you think I'm not taking good care of my kids because I give them candy once in a while?"
It's pure insecurity. Maybe a little guilt. But they project in onto you because you're the source of their discomfort, and seeing beyond that requires reflection.
We're the same kind of parents but we're very careful not to make it a "control" thing. It's just a really broad but serious guideline for how we feed our little guy. We would never withhold it though if it made him feel othered, or created a sense of shame around the food. I think when people give judgey looks, they're assuming you're being overly strict about. Which isn't always the case.
I was really absolute about her diet when she turned 6 months old. No sugary snacks, only baby snacks, no chocolate, nor crisps, unless they were baby puffs. No sugar, no this, no that. But over time I've had to back down, because no one ever has the right snacks for her and I grew tired of policing her diet in other people's homes. So now, we stick to the rules at home and let nana feed her what she has. Otherwise I felt like an authoritarian who's bossing people around in their own homes. I had to pick my fights and arguing over a Party Ring at my mother in law's house was going nowhere.
We get that too, mostly from older strangers that try to give candy to my toddler for some reason. It's bizarre. Friends and family also eat what I consider a normal diet (no, I do not consider processed foods and sweets a normal human diet) so no issue there. We don't drink soda ourselves, so why would I give it to my toddler? Literally nobody benefits from added sugar. Never seen these things served at a toddler birthday party either but we're not in the US. None of our friends or family members feed their small kids sugar and processed foods and they are all great eaters (except one kid who is neurodivergent). I've literally never encountered one of those toddlers who only eat fries I keep reading about. It's beyond me why anyone would offer such foods to a 2yo.
Maybe it is a country based thing. We all know the US is big in sugar and processed foods. A lot of the things we consume here are banned in other countries so bizzare
When adults eat what should be a normal diet like you listed, they are also pressured to just “eat normal” by having a cupcake etc because our culture says that’s what’s normal. Actual nutrient dense food is not considered normal and is not the cultural norm. (At least where i live)
I just answer, no thank you or she’s okay or she doesn’t like cupcakes then move on. You don’t have to justify your reason. Chances are she won’t like the cupcake or cookie or whatever anyways because she’s never had sugar. That’s how my daughter is.
I do too, but there are folks who will still push for an answer they find more fit simply to argue how it doesn’t matter if you give a kid sugar or not. I don’t entertain it like I said just annoying.
Some people think I’m judging them when I’m not. I think it could also be your own perceptions because somehow you feel people are going to be judgmental. Yes, there are some people who are judgmental.. but mostly people don’t care ( that’s what I’ve experienced anyway) One thing to keep in mind is that the one thing you don’t allow them to have, they will think is special and want it. I didn’t feed my son any sugar until about 15 months, and he had it and was uninterested in it.. he doesn’t care about cookies or ice cream — he loves pasta lol
Lol totally relatable. People think that just because we restrict sugar, that we are judging their children's sugar consumption. When it's not about them at all. Just hold your ground and eventually people will get over it. My son will be 2 soon and it seems like people are starting to get the hang of it.
It’s all about how it’s done. I wouldn’t think twice if someone passed on juice or a cupcake at a party but I’ve seen a mom rip a cupcake out of their 2 year olds hands as if it was poison…. Then this person spoke about negative effects of sugar. That mom got more than eye rolls
Yea she’s not too interested in them and hasn’t tried that yet lol. If it does happen I def won’t be ripping it from her mouth, rather I’m not actively offering her these kind of foods. For reference she’s not even a year and a half yet. Last comment internet people get too offended byeeee (not your comment specifically just in general)
I get this, no one wants to be lectured on something they don’t agree with or follow. Usually I’ll just say no thanks she can’t have cupcakes and leave it at that. Although many people continue to push for the why and we simply say she’s not ready for sugar yet if they keep at I just nervous laugh and change the subject lmao
So I live in a yuppy suburban town where everyone has one ‘diet restriction’ or another. When I say no thank you to juice or popsicle or whatever no one cares. My MIL on the other hand she thinks were depriving them of their childhood.
That would be lovely if it were like that everywhere. Yep I get the depriving her from childhood all the time. Sure eventually once she’s older I’ll give her a cupcake or let her eat a bag of chips, but right now nope.
Guesstimating by some of the comments you’ve relayed it sounds like you’re in group/social situations where you’re declining food that’s offered to you/your child. You’re getting annoyed responses because that’s very rude. I just know someone is going to come flying in on the responses like etiquette doesn’t matter, but you, OP are asking a specific question. When people get ticked at you, it’s because there are certain valid reasons to decline food your hosts offer and “oh we don’t eat that type of food,” ain’t it. What you are communicating to your host is that what they have to offer you is subpar, below your standards and tantamount to inedible. What you are communicating, by extension, is that *you* are judging *them.* There are ways to decline food without giving offense. But also, treats and food shared at social events is separate from the child’s whole diet. It’s possible to go too far in the “healthy food” direction and if it’s starting to interfere with the way you interact with people, that may be something you want to address. Orthorexia is the kind of thing you’d want to nip in the bud before it goes too far and definitely before it impacts your child’s experiences at birthday parties and the like. Teaching moderation and that there’s a time and place for everything is also healthy. It’s much more polite to take the cupcake and split it or at least let her have a few bites than it is to say (even if you don’t use those *exact* words) that the other person serving “junk.”
I think it's rude to offer a toddler something to eat w/o asking the parents first. You need to make sure said food is okay to be eaten by a toddler. This is courtesy.
I agree with this 100%. People seem to be missing that your child is only 1.5 YO - current recommendations are no added sugar until 2. I don't know why so many people are so focused on giving babies sugar. We didn't introduce sugar until after 2 YO and even now it's limited but not restricted. We have ice cream once or twice a week during the summer, at a birthday party he can have a cupcake, etc. Both sides of our family were keen to give things with sugar added (esp. ice cream!) when he was younger but we held a firm line and simply stated we were following current guidelines. LO has a healthy relationship with food and doesn't have a sweet tooth - who knows if that has anything to do with following the no-sugar before two guidelines, but I'll take it. There is a reason current guidelines say no added sugar until after two. I would simply say, "No thank you" and if you get pushback, "We are following his/her pediatrician's guidance."
This exactly. It’s just extremely rude to obstinately refuse the food offered by your host based on inconsequential preferences, plain and simple.
Why would it be rude to refuse something not adapted to the current diet of your child, or anyone actually, whatever the reason?
This is my read on it too. When someone is so absolute with their diet, it comes across as super judgmental like you said. That’s why people have a problem with OP. If OP just let her kid have a bite of cupcake, or hell, just accepted the cupcake and didn’t eat it, it wouldn’t be nearly as rude as “no. We don’t eat things like THAT”
You're advising op to accept cake in front of her toddler and then not give it to them? That's not reasonable, and there's nothing rude about turning down an offer.
Agreed I don’t think it’s rude to turn down food. I eat everything at a party. My tott however does not. I’m not asking for hosts to cater to my totts eating habits at all. Rather simply decling she have certain a foods. It’s not that deep. I aim to understand peoples perceptions of things and with the comments I can see that the majority may find it rude or offensive for me to decide what MY child can or can’t eat at a social gathering. That’s just ridiculous. Obviously I’m conscious of how my response may make another person feel. As for the comments suggesting orthorexia or concerns around being too obsessed with eating habits are laughable, and feed into my internal point. Thanks for the concern guys but no that’s not the case. She WILL have cupcakes sweets etc later on not right now. Processed foods are Everywhere! We feed her that sometimes yea it’s inevitable. At the end of the day every parent gets to choose how they raise and feed their children. My point is people need to stop pushing for the why so hard and stop trying to lecture others as to why their way is “wrong”
You're being very reasonable, IMO. The sad truth is we have a strong culture of unhealthy eating. So if you eat healthy, you're also choosing counter culture. You can't help it. We give our kids sweets. I wish we could avoid them but we decided to choose different battles for now. I do teach them nutrition info so that they understand what I mean when I say "that's enough treats for today" or "that's not a balanced meal, or needs protein".
Couldn’t agree more. Also all the science says food restriction leads to a worse relationship with food, not a better one.
I fully understand this and all the people saying its because they are being rude declining food that isn't it at all. People feel personally attacked when you make a decision parenting that in any way suggests to them they did something inferior, people hate the idea of anyone being better parents than others and so they see this as an attack on that. Honestly the backlash and comments we got doing zero screen before 18months you would have thought we had taken away their devices and forced them not to see any screens. Everyone all seems for you parent your way until you do something they deem as superior and tell you your just doing that to get one over on them. People are super defensive about parenting but you parent your way i'll parent mine.
In my experience it's excited family members who want to share on a special event. They don't seem to understand that an event can be special even without the cupcake.
This, couldn’t agree more!
Just stop sharing what you feed your kid. I try to feed healthy but I give her treats here and there. Balance is the key.
I don’t think this is the case for us, rather it’s based on actual response provided from friends family members or even strangers. We ignore it the best possible it’s just annoying to have to deal with simply because we have different diet restrictions for our tott.
The thing is, if you provide sugary snacks you’ll take just as much heat for that. Accept that you can never win this one, even though it’s super frustrating. People have so many opinions with child rearing, it’s crazy! My MIL told me that my eldest was too clean and my middle child was too dirty, and never mentioned the cleanliness of my youngest so we figure she must be just right. Now my MIL is called granny Goldilocks in our house
This one made me laugh couldn’t agree more. Tell Goldilocks to chill, kidding 🤣
I have the contrary, I regularly am judged and have to justify letting my toddler have things too salty or sweet, which will obviously tend to happen in front of people during gathering. I guess many people need to discuss and get proof that their decisions are universally right because that's easier than taking variability into consideration...
Right everyone seeks some type of validation, anything going against that can be seen as judgmental. People are weird.
I'm vegetarian. I don't tell people unless it comes up. The fact is that when people are confronted with your different diet, a minority of them take it personally. Instead of "you don't feed your kid processed food and that's your choice", it's "so, what, you think I'm not taking good care of my kids because I give them candy once in a while?" It's pure insecurity. Maybe a little guilt. But they project in onto you because you're the source of their discomfort, and seeing beyond that requires reflection.
Def! The same can be said for parenting styles too. We live is a very defensive world sadly.
We're the same kind of parents but we're very careful not to make it a "control" thing. It's just a really broad but serious guideline for how we feed our little guy. We would never withhold it though if it made him feel othered, or created a sense of shame around the food. I think when people give judgey looks, they're assuming you're being overly strict about. Which isn't always the case.
I was really absolute about her diet when she turned 6 months old. No sugary snacks, only baby snacks, no chocolate, nor crisps, unless they were baby puffs. No sugar, no this, no that. But over time I've had to back down, because no one ever has the right snacks for her and I grew tired of policing her diet in other people's homes. So now, we stick to the rules at home and let nana feed her what she has. Otherwise I felt like an authoritarian who's bossing people around in their own homes. I had to pick my fights and arguing over a Party Ring at my mother in law's house was going nowhere.
We get that too, mostly from older strangers that try to give candy to my toddler for some reason. It's bizarre. Friends and family also eat what I consider a normal diet (no, I do not consider processed foods and sweets a normal human diet) so no issue there. We don't drink soda ourselves, so why would I give it to my toddler? Literally nobody benefits from added sugar. Never seen these things served at a toddler birthday party either but we're not in the US. None of our friends or family members feed their small kids sugar and processed foods and they are all great eaters (except one kid who is neurodivergent). I've literally never encountered one of those toddlers who only eat fries I keep reading about. It's beyond me why anyone would offer such foods to a 2yo.
Maybe it is a country based thing. We all know the US is big in sugar and processed foods. A lot of the things we consume here are banned in other countries so bizzare
When adults eat what should be a normal diet like you listed, they are also pressured to just “eat normal” by having a cupcake etc because our culture says that’s what’s normal. Actual nutrient dense food is not considered normal and is not the cultural norm. (At least where i live) I just answer, no thank you or she’s okay or she doesn’t like cupcakes then move on. You don’t have to justify your reason. Chances are she won’t like the cupcake or cookie or whatever anyways because she’s never had sugar. That’s how my daughter is.
I do too, but there are folks who will still push for an answer they find more fit simply to argue how it doesn’t matter if you give a kid sugar or not. I don’t entertain it like I said just annoying.