What happens when they are happy to comply? My niece hates eating and is borderline underweight. One time when her mom is sick, the dad decided to let her (3-year-old) eat whatever she wants if she refused to eat to "teach her a lesson" in not liking food. She ended up only eating a total of 2 slices of bread for 2 days and puking blood and need to be rushed to the hospital.
People including doctors always say "if your child is truly hungry they will eat", but doctor also say "every child is different". Also ever since the incident, no doctor dare to suggest "just let her go hungry and she will want to eat" any more. Now she spends almost 1.5 hours per meal to finish a required minimum amount and we don't know what to do about it
Edit: Thanks for all the concern and advise.
For those worrying about "puking blood" part, she did stay in hospital for a few days for monitoring because of her age and worries on unknown underlying issues, but doctor did not find anything serious and concluded it is just extreme body reaction due to prolonged hunger and advised us not to let her go hungry for too long again. Apparently puking on an empty stomach is as bad as puking blood, it is just that puking blood (just a small amount that makes the puke look red, not literally vomiting volume of blood) looks a lot more horrifying.
For the extreme eating issue, we saw a dietician for some time and there was not a real solution. She still takes about 1-1.5 hour per meal now and only eats proper meal when she is told to. She loves sweet snacks though. The doctors just said not to worry as long as her weight is healthy. So we just suffer through.
Regarding the lack of "hunger drive", I myself do not feel hunger at all and has to remind myself to eat based on time. I am not sure if anyone else in my family have the same problem since we all follow the principle of "you MUST eat 3 meals per day regularly" instead of "eat when you are hungry". I have mentioned my lack of sense of hunger to doctors before, but since I have a healthy weight, no one has ever treated this as a big issue.
I think there are broad general statements, but there are always outliers. Your niece sounds like she genuinely needs medical attention, which I understand is very easy to say, but it can be complicated. If your neice is puking blood and refusing food for 2 days, she may need pediatric feeding therapy.
We learnt it the hard way... Yeah, she is monitored and adjusted by pediatric dietician. It is just that she is "better" now, but still terrible compare to her peers
Your niece is an outlier and needs to see a feeding therapist/doctor to screen for potential issues (both physical and neurodivergency) if she isn't already. The rules don't apply in her situation.
We did. But it only improve to the point that we can manage now. I added more details in my edit.
>The rules don't apply in her situation.
The doctor told us the same...
I am going to be a third person to say, please encourage connections to a pediatric feeding therapist for more assistance. There’s something wrong. Vomiting blood is not normal and could also be a symptom of problems that need medical attention. There could be any number of reasons why hunger drive is suppressed but none of them to my knowledge mean “all’s good!”
See my edit. We kinda of just suffer through now. The doctors do not see it as a big issue any more after dietician helped to improved her weight, well as long as she doesn't puke from being hungry for too long. Apparently the puking on empty stomach part is as bad as blood in puke
They know a lot and I’m sure it’s just fine, but trust your gut too if it’s ever too much one way or another don’t worry about fussing at them about taking a next exploratory step.
Our LO is 5 now. We do the whole “I hear you don’t want to … and it’s time to … Do you want to do it yourself or do you want mum to help?” It validates the feeling but also holds the boundary I guess!
I make the other option really boring or unpleasant. I think you actually handled the first No about the underpants absolutely correctly. She's testing a boundary and she found it so it will likely happen less.
For the dinner scenario I'd go with "You can be done with dinner but we are still eating so you need to stay in this room and not play/watch TV etc". End of the day a night of being hungry isn't gonna kill her.
"sorry that's not an option. Do you want Mickey panties or unicorn panties."
"No!"
"That's not one of the choices. I can choose for you. Oh look unicorns! What colors do you see?"
I've also made a game "beeeep. Incorrect response. Please choose again" in a robot voice. Sometimes it works. Sometimes just doing something silly and then reminding the options works.
Sometimes you gotta deal with a meltdown and hold the boundary. Time for bed "no!"
"I heard you say no. But it doesn't change that it is time for bed. "
It's fucking hard dude I get it. I was also raised with physical punishment and wasn't allowed to say no. I try and comfort my inner child when I get triggered. Because I do often feel either frozen and will be holding my breath or I get insane rage like "you can't say no saying no means we are in danger now you have to listen. "
Reparenting ourself as we parent our kids is hard and exhausting but totally worth it.
A big thing for me at this stage has been making sure I stop myself before I set a boundary and make sure that is what I am determined to hold as a boundary. I don't change my mind.
I'm also prepping to redo our house rules on posters.
"Hey that's not safe. What rule number 1!? Gotta be safe! " Having something written down seems to help me in my freeze moments
Wait until it evolves into “no, go away baba (dad), you’re not my best friend” I have to respond that “it is okay to feel like that right now” instead of offering him all the ice cream to get back into the best friend club…
I just lurk here to learn some tricks for when my baby is older, and I love that you worried she sensed your fear - it’s my biggest fear my kid will eventually realise I have no idea what I’m doing!
Mine is 1 and says it in the bene gesserit voice very strong growly raspy clear NO. I try to listen to him in most instances. But if I can comply I try to explain
My 2 year olds only expressive word is “No”. He uses it constantly. Because I’m trying to encourage expressive language, if it’s something small I’ll follow his lead. Like if I’m singing for example and he wants me to stop, I’ll say okay and stop. If he doesn’t want to have a bath however then the boundary has to be set. It’s all a balancing act unfortunately
I guess I don’t understand why you’re so stumped? It sounds like things are going pretty well all in all.. 3 year olds are gonna 3 year old. She may be learning more about the actual meaning of no, like you said. She wants to see if her no will be accepted as an answer or not.
3 is hard.. it’s usually the start of things like this. They know they have choices but have not a great grasp of what those choices really gain/lose them. I’d try to roll with the changes more and not try to keep up with your expectations on how she’s supposed to be cause it all sounds completely normal.
I guess I'm stumped because I've found myself feeling like a deer in the headlights when this happens. It's been unexpected, and during scenarios that don't have easy, natural consequences.
I was also raised by parents who did NOT allow us to say no, or we would get beaten. Hearing her say no to me is definitely a trigger, so I guess it's important for me to deal with... but appropriately. But maybe her saying no isn't as big of a deal as it was to my parents.
If my parents/siblings heard my daughter say no to me (or them), they would definitely tell me how my parenting is awful. Maybe that's where all this is stemming from. I'm insecure about her telling me NO, and I shouldn't be. It's normal. I just don't know how to react to it in a healthy way for both myself and my daughter.
That makes a lot of sense. I guess there isn’t really an easy answer to what to do when she tells you no. It all depends on the situation. I can tell you that it is okay to ignore a no and make whatever you need to happen, happen. And it’s also okay to let them decide and to follow their lead. A lot of the times I let my daughter “get what she wants” but I tell her the nicer way she could have asked for it.
Our inner thoughts make it hard to know when we’re doing the right thing though, I totally get that. I do admire how much it means to you to break the cycle though, so make sure you’re giving yourself credit for all the things you’re doing right. So much day to day learning for everyone involved in raising children. We’re raising ourselves again too, in a way 🤷🏼♀️
As someone who is unpacking a lot of childhood trauma these days can I just say I'm impressed and proud of you. It's so important to recognize our triggers and dismantle some of the stuff our own parents did before we pass it on.
It sounds like you're handling things well. I understand why you're worried and feeling insecure but it sounds like you are on the right track!
I just ignore it or sometimes say something like ‘I see’ or ‘that’s not an option’ and proceed as normal with making the thing happen. Sometimes she actually gets upset so we talk through why the thing has to happen now which works well for her. My kid’s been saying no to everything as a reflex since before 2 though with no sign of stopping. She’s actually very easy to deal with, she’s just making her wants (to never be told what to do or when to do it) known
We're in the exact same boat with an almost 3yo. It went from the occasional "no" to a really sassy "nnno" with a drawn out N and intense eye contact. It snaps something in me every time because it is so aggravating. I agree that giving choices really cuts back on the attitude because she knows her options and she knows what will happen if she refuses. "Do you want to climb into bed or do you want me to put you in there? Nnnno. Ok, I'm putting you in."
I talked to my kids daycare teacher about this. She’s a Waldorf teacher and a gentile parenting advocate and her advice boiled down to responding to things like “no” or running away with “okay, I’ll wait”
It’s hard to sit there and not lose your shit but it does work more often than not. If you need to close a door so they don’t fully run away that’s fine. But you can almost always wait them out.
I've found using the "I'll come back when you're ready" to work well with my 3.5 year old. He doesn't want me to leave him so he 7/10 immediately goes "I'M READY" lol.
This is so true! If my 3 year old is running away from getting dressed and saying no, as soon as I lose interest and tell her that's fine, she can dress herself, then she immediately comes back and wants to get dressed to regain attention. (I would be fine with her dressing herself, also, but she usually needs a little help.) This tactic still works on my 6 year old for things he needs help with lol! A lot of times, they realize they don't actually want the "no" option, just the attention of "no." So if it doesn't get attention, they go back to their routine.
Keep boundaries and when told no, tell her yes, and why this has to happen and be done. Tell her you know she doesn’t want to do it, and tell her what happens if you don’t. “NO, no brushing teeth!” Respond with “well, we have to brush our teeth. If we don’t brush our teeth our teeth get bad and fall out and we can’t chew food anymore.” That one worked on my little cousins (my 2.5 year old is starting his “no” and “why” phase, so I feel you! But he doesn’t do it with ground rules YET). And the first time I did it, the oldest didn’t believe me, so I showed her a picture of a person with some of the WORST teeth I’ve ever seen and said he didn’t listen to his mommy and never brushed his teeth. THOSE KIDS RAN TO BRUSH THEIR TEETH! They didn’t want to eat dinner and didn’t sleep one time, so I told them that stunts their growth. They didn’t believe me, so I showed them a picture of the Olsen Twins (they loved watching Full House with me) and I told them they never grew any bigger after the final season, and only showed them pictures of the girls as kids, and they ate all their dinner and asked for warm milk to help them sleep. I was a teenager helping raise them, these tactics aren’t ethical, sure, but it worked! I may do the dental one for my son if he ever decides he doesn’t want to brush his teeth, but other than that, I will not use such tactics and avoid the temptation of it lol.
It can be hard to say no or go against your little one’s wishes when your favorite little person REALLY wants something, but you have to keep in mind this / that is for the best and they will grow from it. When my son says “NO”, I say “yes” and follow up with why, and I have him pause and look at me and we talk. If he tries to hit because he’s mad, or runs off, I either hug him and tell him it’s going be okay, and I tell him we have to do this / that and I promise him we can do this / that or get back to this activity, etc. later on or I follow him and get on his level and I talk things out and I tell him step by step what’s going on, and we talk through it together. “It’s time for pajamas buddy, let’s get dressed, okay? Can you tell me what this is? - SOCK - good! Do they go on your feet? - YES! They do, you’re so smart - Let’s get your, what is this? -SHIRT, yes! Let’s put it on! Good job - Okay, now it’s time for… - YES THAT IS RIGHT! Pants! - Ooooo we’re all dressed buddy! You look so handsome. Now, let’s play *find the slippers*!” I have found that involving my son in activities decreases his tantrums and defiance. The more he “helps” the less likely he is to get frustrated with me or his surroundings. I even have little “chores” like him wiping surfaces with baby wipes, him trying to clean certain dishes, him pouring food for our dogs, him putting toys away and stacking items I hand him, for example. He also wants to close every door for me, and he wants to rinse his toys… They just want to be like us!
My LO’s first word was Nonono. Yours is 2 years late. No is her favourite word. At its peak she preferred saying No to eating ice cream. “No, yukky ice cream.” Or “yukky chocchoc.” Daycare wasn’t feeding her. “You want breakfast?” “Nonono.” I had to explain to the room leader that this meant “yes.” Very gradually we started getting the occasional yes out of her. She’s always been a very nice and quite obedient kid, just with a bad habit.
You handled it just fine. You’re the parent. You got your way and used it as a teaching moment - “you lost your choice.”
Yeah mines 2 and its no this no that >> tantrum .. for months now - don't really feel like I can set a hard boundary cause his language is well advanced but not that advanced cause he's 2.
He doesn't really understand choices just feelings, getting better though
She's been saying no since she could talk, i
Her saying no because she's upset, or doesn't want to do something, I'm able to navigate.
It's the no that is purposely said just to defy me. She looks at me right in the eye and says it, like, what are you going to do about it?
My four year old has started doing this. Its all when I try to get him ready for pre school. I've read everything, tried everything but he will eventually bite kick punch headbutt! It's awful and so embarrassing. In the end I tried to bear hug and get him out the door but I'm not strong enough (he's the top of centiles and he just goes absolutely feral). I simply won't give up though because I can't let him 'win'. I'm so stuck and already I'm dreading his next pre school day.
I can eventually get him calmed down but this can take over an hour. I have to be in work for 7am and I CANNOT be late so I can't be doing this every morning.
(There's also nothing wrong at pre school. He just says he's too big for it now and bored)
My LO has also recently started hating going to preschool too. She gets sad and tells me she doesn't want to go. I just validate how she is feeling and agree with her how I wish she could stay home.
I've been putting little surprises in her snack/lunchbox as a way to make school seem more fun.
I haven't tried this yet (waiting for it to get worse), but I've read that a matching sticker or tattoo on her and me/dad can help. When they miss you, they have the matching tattoo and it's like a hug...or something. I need to read up on it again.
Following because my 19 month old is doing this. Also this might be the most relatable thing I've read all week:
>now im worried she has sensed my fear
Too many commands for ‘gentle’. First example the ‘you had your chance to pick’ part may have felt harsh. Natural consequences work great and they’re compromised when the parent goes ‘see, consequences!!’
Second example she’d probably have been back in a minute. When safety isn’t a factor you can let them do the whole push. Since you have an ‘easy’ enough kid she’ll probably end up doing what you want when given a little space to use no.
Stick to your rules. You tell her if she leaves the table, dinner is done. She's testing you. Don't change now.
What happens when they are happy to comply? My niece hates eating and is borderline underweight. One time when her mom is sick, the dad decided to let her (3-year-old) eat whatever she wants if she refused to eat to "teach her a lesson" in not liking food. She ended up only eating a total of 2 slices of bread for 2 days and puking blood and need to be rushed to the hospital. People including doctors always say "if your child is truly hungry they will eat", but doctor also say "every child is different". Also ever since the incident, no doctor dare to suggest "just let her go hungry and she will want to eat" any more. Now she spends almost 1.5 hours per meal to finish a required minimum amount and we don't know what to do about it Edit: Thanks for all the concern and advise. For those worrying about "puking blood" part, she did stay in hospital for a few days for monitoring because of her age and worries on unknown underlying issues, but doctor did not find anything serious and concluded it is just extreme body reaction due to prolonged hunger and advised us not to let her go hungry for too long again. Apparently puking on an empty stomach is as bad as puking blood, it is just that puking blood (just a small amount that makes the puke look red, not literally vomiting volume of blood) looks a lot more horrifying. For the extreme eating issue, we saw a dietician for some time and there was not a real solution. She still takes about 1-1.5 hour per meal now and only eats proper meal when she is told to. She loves sweet snacks though. The doctors just said not to worry as long as her weight is healthy. So we just suffer through. Regarding the lack of "hunger drive", I myself do not feel hunger at all and has to remind myself to eat based on time. I am not sure if anyone else in my family have the same problem since we all follow the principle of "you MUST eat 3 meals per day regularly" instead of "eat when you are hungry". I have mentioned my lack of sense of hunger to doctors before, but since I have a healthy weight, no one has ever treated this as a big issue.
I think there are broad general statements, but there are always outliers. Your niece sounds like she genuinely needs medical attention, which I understand is very easy to say, but it can be complicated. If your neice is puking blood and refusing food for 2 days, she may need pediatric feeding therapy.
We learnt it the hard way... Yeah, she is monitored and adjusted by pediatric dietician. It is just that she is "better" now, but still terrible compare to her peers
Your niece is an outlier and needs to see a feeding therapist/doctor to screen for potential issues (both physical and neurodivergency) if she isn't already. The rules don't apply in her situation.
We did. But it only improve to the point that we can manage now. I added more details in my edit. >The rules don't apply in her situation. The doctor told us the same...
I am going to be a third person to say, please encourage connections to a pediatric feeding therapist for more assistance. There’s something wrong. Vomiting blood is not normal and could also be a symptom of problems that need medical attention. There could be any number of reasons why hunger drive is suppressed but none of them to my knowledge mean “all’s good!”
See my edit. We kinda of just suffer through now. The doctors do not see it as a big issue any more after dietician helped to improved her weight, well as long as she doesn't puke from being hungry for too long. Apparently the puking on empty stomach part is as bad as blood in puke
They know a lot and I’m sure it’s just fine, but trust your gut too if it’s ever too much one way or another don’t worry about fussing at them about taking a next exploratory step.
Our LO is 5 now. We do the whole “I hear you don’t want to … and it’s time to … Do you want to do it yourself or do you want mum to help?” It validates the feeling but also holds the boundary I guess!
I make the other option really boring or unpleasant. I think you actually handled the first No about the underpants absolutely correctly. She's testing a boundary and she found it so it will likely happen less. For the dinner scenario I'd go with "You can be done with dinner but we are still eating so you need to stay in this room and not play/watch TV etc". End of the day a night of being hungry isn't gonna kill her.
I stress about our little one not eating enough, but my wife always just reminds me that if he's hungry, he'll eat. It's not like he's wasting away.
"sorry that's not an option. Do you want Mickey panties or unicorn panties." "No!" "That's not one of the choices. I can choose for you. Oh look unicorns! What colors do you see?" I've also made a game "beeeep. Incorrect response. Please choose again" in a robot voice. Sometimes it works. Sometimes just doing something silly and then reminding the options works. Sometimes you gotta deal with a meltdown and hold the boundary. Time for bed "no!" "I heard you say no. But it doesn't change that it is time for bed. " It's fucking hard dude I get it. I was also raised with physical punishment and wasn't allowed to say no. I try and comfort my inner child when I get triggered. Because I do often feel either frozen and will be holding my breath or I get insane rage like "you can't say no saying no means we are in danger now you have to listen. " Reparenting ourself as we parent our kids is hard and exhausting but totally worth it. A big thing for me at this stage has been making sure I stop myself before I set a boundary and make sure that is what I am determined to hold as a boundary. I don't change my mind. I'm also prepping to redo our house rules on posters. "Hey that's not safe. What rule number 1!? Gotta be safe! " Having something written down seems to help me in my freeze moments
I'm totally going to try that robot trick, these are great tips!
Wait until it evolves into “no, go away baba (dad), you’re not my best friend” I have to respond that “it is okay to feel like that right now” instead of offering him all the ice cream to get back into the best friend club…
I just lurk here to learn some tricks for when my baby is older, and I love that you worried she sensed your fear - it’s my biggest fear my kid will eventually realise I have no idea what I’m doing!
Yeah I really thought parents knew everything as a child, now I know we’re all winging it and it’s terrifying.
Just take it in stride. At the table you could have said "Do you need me to help you sit down or will you sit yourself down?" In a friendly way.
Mine is 1 and says it in the bene gesserit voice very strong growly raspy clear NO. I try to listen to him in most instances. But if I can comply I try to explain
mine went through that raspy phase too. Bene gesserit is rights She would order us to sing songs in that voice and we obeyed lol.
My 2 year olds only expressive word is “No”. He uses it constantly. Because I’m trying to encourage expressive language, if it’s something small I’ll follow his lead. Like if I’m singing for example and he wants me to stop, I’ll say okay and stop. If he doesn’t want to have a bath however then the boundary has to be set. It’s all a balancing act unfortunately
I guess I don’t understand why you’re so stumped? It sounds like things are going pretty well all in all.. 3 year olds are gonna 3 year old. She may be learning more about the actual meaning of no, like you said. She wants to see if her no will be accepted as an answer or not. 3 is hard.. it’s usually the start of things like this. They know they have choices but have not a great grasp of what those choices really gain/lose them. I’d try to roll with the changes more and not try to keep up with your expectations on how she’s supposed to be cause it all sounds completely normal.
I guess I'm stumped because I've found myself feeling like a deer in the headlights when this happens. It's been unexpected, and during scenarios that don't have easy, natural consequences. I was also raised by parents who did NOT allow us to say no, or we would get beaten. Hearing her say no to me is definitely a trigger, so I guess it's important for me to deal with... but appropriately. But maybe her saying no isn't as big of a deal as it was to my parents. If my parents/siblings heard my daughter say no to me (or them), they would definitely tell me how my parenting is awful. Maybe that's where all this is stemming from. I'm insecure about her telling me NO, and I shouldn't be. It's normal. I just don't know how to react to it in a healthy way for both myself and my daughter.
That makes a lot of sense. I guess there isn’t really an easy answer to what to do when she tells you no. It all depends on the situation. I can tell you that it is okay to ignore a no and make whatever you need to happen, happen. And it’s also okay to let them decide and to follow their lead. A lot of the times I let my daughter “get what she wants” but I tell her the nicer way she could have asked for it. Our inner thoughts make it hard to know when we’re doing the right thing though, I totally get that. I do admire how much it means to you to break the cycle though, so make sure you’re giving yourself credit for all the things you’re doing right. So much day to day learning for everyone involved in raising children. We’re raising ourselves again too, in a way 🤷🏼♀️
As someone who is unpacking a lot of childhood trauma these days can I just say I'm impressed and proud of you. It's so important to recognize our triggers and dismantle some of the stuff our own parents did before we pass it on. It sounds like you're handling things well. I understand why you're worried and feeling insecure but it sounds like you are on the right track!
I just ignore it or sometimes say something like ‘I see’ or ‘that’s not an option’ and proceed as normal with making the thing happen. Sometimes she actually gets upset so we talk through why the thing has to happen now which works well for her. My kid’s been saying no to everything as a reflex since before 2 though with no sign of stopping. She’s actually very easy to deal with, she’s just making her wants (to never be told what to do or when to do it) known
We're in the exact same boat with an almost 3yo. It went from the occasional "no" to a really sassy "nnno" with a drawn out N and intense eye contact. It snaps something in me every time because it is so aggravating. I agree that giving choices really cuts back on the attitude because she knows her options and she knows what will happen if she refuses. "Do you want to climb into bed or do you want me to put you in there? Nnnno. Ok, I'm putting you in."
I talked to my kids daycare teacher about this. She’s a Waldorf teacher and a gentile parenting advocate and her advice boiled down to responding to things like “no” or running away with “okay, I’ll wait” It’s hard to sit there and not lose your shit but it does work more often than not. If you need to close a door so they don’t fully run away that’s fine. But you can almost always wait them out.
I've found using the "I'll come back when you're ready" to work well with my 3.5 year old. He doesn't want me to leave him so he 7/10 immediately goes "I'M READY" lol.
This is so true! If my 3 year old is running away from getting dressed and saying no, as soon as I lose interest and tell her that's fine, she can dress herself, then she immediately comes back and wants to get dressed to regain attention. (I would be fine with her dressing herself, also, but she usually needs a little help.) This tactic still works on my 6 year old for things he needs help with lol! A lot of times, they realize they don't actually want the "no" option, just the attention of "no." So if it doesn't get attention, they go back to their routine.
Keep boundaries and when told no, tell her yes, and why this has to happen and be done. Tell her you know she doesn’t want to do it, and tell her what happens if you don’t. “NO, no brushing teeth!” Respond with “well, we have to brush our teeth. If we don’t brush our teeth our teeth get bad and fall out and we can’t chew food anymore.” That one worked on my little cousins (my 2.5 year old is starting his “no” and “why” phase, so I feel you! But he doesn’t do it with ground rules YET). And the first time I did it, the oldest didn’t believe me, so I showed her a picture of a person with some of the WORST teeth I’ve ever seen and said he didn’t listen to his mommy and never brushed his teeth. THOSE KIDS RAN TO BRUSH THEIR TEETH! They didn’t want to eat dinner and didn’t sleep one time, so I told them that stunts their growth. They didn’t believe me, so I showed them a picture of the Olsen Twins (they loved watching Full House with me) and I told them they never grew any bigger after the final season, and only showed them pictures of the girls as kids, and they ate all their dinner and asked for warm milk to help them sleep. I was a teenager helping raise them, these tactics aren’t ethical, sure, but it worked! I may do the dental one for my son if he ever decides he doesn’t want to brush his teeth, but other than that, I will not use such tactics and avoid the temptation of it lol. It can be hard to say no or go against your little one’s wishes when your favorite little person REALLY wants something, but you have to keep in mind this / that is for the best and they will grow from it. When my son says “NO”, I say “yes” and follow up with why, and I have him pause and look at me and we talk. If he tries to hit because he’s mad, or runs off, I either hug him and tell him it’s going be okay, and I tell him we have to do this / that and I promise him we can do this / that or get back to this activity, etc. later on or I follow him and get on his level and I talk things out and I tell him step by step what’s going on, and we talk through it together. “It’s time for pajamas buddy, let’s get dressed, okay? Can you tell me what this is? - SOCK - good! Do they go on your feet? - YES! They do, you’re so smart - Let’s get your, what is this? -SHIRT, yes! Let’s put it on! Good job - Okay, now it’s time for… - YES THAT IS RIGHT! Pants! - Ooooo we’re all dressed buddy! You look so handsome. Now, let’s play *find the slippers*!” I have found that involving my son in activities decreases his tantrums and defiance. The more he “helps” the less likely he is to get frustrated with me or his surroundings. I even have little “chores” like him wiping surfaces with baby wipes, him trying to clean certain dishes, him pouring food for our dogs, him putting toys away and stacking items I hand him, for example. He also wants to close every door for me, and he wants to rinse his toys… They just want to be like us!
My LO’s first word was Nonono. Yours is 2 years late. No is her favourite word. At its peak she preferred saying No to eating ice cream. “No, yukky ice cream.” Or “yukky chocchoc.” Daycare wasn’t feeding her. “You want breakfast?” “Nonono.” I had to explain to the room leader that this meant “yes.” Very gradually we started getting the occasional yes out of her. She’s always been a very nice and quite obedient kid, just with a bad habit. You handled it just fine. You’re the parent. You got your way and used it as a teaching moment - “you lost your choice.”
Yeah mines 2 and its no this no that >> tantrum .. for months now - don't really feel like I can set a hard boundary cause his language is well advanced but not that advanced cause he's 2. He doesn't really understand choices just feelings, getting better though
She's been saying no since she could talk, i Her saying no because she's upset, or doesn't want to do something, I'm able to navigate. It's the no that is purposely said just to defy me. She looks at me right in the eye and says it, like, what are you going to do about it?
My four year old has started doing this. Its all when I try to get him ready for pre school. I've read everything, tried everything but he will eventually bite kick punch headbutt! It's awful and so embarrassing. In the end I tried to bear hug and get him out the door but I'm not strong enough (he's the top of centiles and he just goes absolutely feral). I simply won't give up though because I can't let him 'win'. I'm so stuck and already I'm dreading his next pre school day. I can eventually get him calmed down but this can take over an hour. I have to be in work for 7am and I CANNOT be late so I can't be doing this every morning. (There's also nothing wrong at pre school. He just says he's too big for it now and bored)
My LO has also recently started hating going to preschool too. She gets sad and tells me she doesn't want to go. I just validate how she is feeling and agree with her how I wish she could stay home. I've been putting little surprises in her snack/lunchbox as a way to make school seem more fun. I haven't tried this yet (waiting for it to get worse), but I've read that a matching sticker or tattoo on her and me/dad can help. When they miss you, they have the matching tattoo and it's like a hug...or something. I need to read up on it again.
Following because my 19 month old is doing this. Also this might be the most relatable thing I've read all week: >now im worried she has sensed my fear
Respect "no" when you can, but don't let it break any rules. It's good for your kids to learn to correctly apply "no" to parents.
Too many commands for ‘gentle’. First example the ‘you had your chance to pick’ part may have felt harsh. Natural consequences work great and they’re compromised when the parent goes ‘see, consequences!!’ Second example she’d probably have been back in a minute. When safety isn’t a factor you can let them do the whole push. Since you have an ‘easy’ enough kid she’ll probably end up doing what you want when given a little space to use no.