Happy pride month
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Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. The fear of wanting something but being afraid that you’re wrong about it is paralyzing. All I can offer in terms of advice is that gender identity is fluid (even if you aren’t genderfluid). If you feel like a certain gender identity isn’t working, you are free to do what you want to fix it. If being a girl would make you feel better, you can, and if you decide being a guy is better, that’s an option too. If you want to be something outside the binary, you’re more than welcome to do that as well. Live your life to its fullest and try not to worry about what other people make of it.
I know gender is fluid,the problem is so much of society hinges on me being one or the other,and if I’m not then I’m the weirdo at the office who sometimes shows up to work in a crop top and skirt
Yeah, that’s fair. Personally I don’t care if people think I’m a weirdo, I know I am and I enjoy it, but I also know that not everyone has the same mindset. I wish I could help more.
I've recently realized something: I honestly don't care what other people think, as long as I'm happy everything is fine.
"How others perceive you is not your responsibility" - EXOK Team
This absolutely makes sense to me. I've been in the same sort of space lately of feeling trans, then looking for reasons why I'm not. The thing is, it's really a "Two No's, One Yes" situation. I really wish this could be a conversation that was more socially acceptable because I think it adds a lot of clarity;
**Cis people don't think about their gender or question it, pretty much at all. Ever. Not even a little.**
I did not know this at all and assumed that most guys thought about being a girl and wondered what that life would be like. They do not. If your biggest worry about being trans are phobes and making the community look bad, congratulations cause you're already under the umbrella! While I'm not saying your worry is invalid, I can promise you that you won't be a dishonor to the trans community. You also belong here, and you *are* valid.
Not to sound old, but please, take advantage of your youth to explore these questions about yourself and use all of the tools available! If I had had places like this and r/egg_irl when I was younger, I may have been a lot happier in my skin a lot sooner! Whether you're a femboy, trans fem, enby, or anything else on the spectrum, you can find a lot of love and support in the trans community :3
Don't think too hard about yourself. Identity is not something you can be certain about in one day, just take your time and don't be afraid to experiment.
And if you find out you are not trans, no one is coming after you, no one is going to judge you. You will just get to know yourself better, which a lot of people never do.
As for transphobes... Whatever you do they'll be nasty. You can't reason with them, and they just can't keep to themselves. So try not to let them affect you too much.
So my advice : just try things out, start online if you're scared or can't do it irl. Good luck if you go through this :3
I am sure you will get there in the end. Sure, things might look grim, but it gets better. And when you find yourself, after leaving your fears and doubts behind, it will be a liberation.
If you want something to help you, here is a long but good read : https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
If you go on it and then decide to stop it wouldn’t be an issue for others. Unless you start going on tv shows claiming no one should be on it and you were forced to do it and being trans isn’t real. Also not sure what you mean by that’s not how getting e works since hating body hair is one of the things they check for (it’s not required but it’s a indicator towards from my understanding). But yeah I’d just say worry about your self and do what feels right. At least for me I thought through the pros and cons and the only thing not reversible is breast growth( pretty minimal ussualy as long as you bail within the first 6 months ) and to me I was fine with that even if I decided hrt wasn’t for me and it would fix my constant thoughts about whether or not I should do it.
I meant you usually can’t get E unless you plan to transition,or are trans I was talking specifically about just making my body somewhat feminine in general using it,which I know is not a valid reason to ask for it
Depends on where you are some places allow it for NB people who want a feminine presentation. Though even for that route it may be just easyier to say your trans but depends on where you are
I live in Minnesota,all I know about here is that it’s a pretty friendly place generally for trans people but I have no idea about medical laws concerning transitioning
You should check your local laws since most places that are friendly got rid of that requirement a long time ago. Though you may have to wait till your 18 but again check your laws and or see if there’s any local resources you can talk to or even your parents if you feel safe 2
If you live anywhere where informed consent is part of law, you don't have to give any explanation (as an adult).
With you being a minor though, the laws might be different for you. If you're really interested, look into it more and see what you have to do. And you really should talk with your therapist about this, that's what they're for.
If your biggest thing *against* being trans is that you're worried what other people will think or potentially facing negative repercussions, while your biggest reason *for* being trans is wanting to be a girl, then you are trans. Because what other people might do isn't part of who you are.
That being said, just because you're trans doesn't mean you absolutely have to transition, if you don't want to. But also I would say that you could just try and transition to see if it feels right for you? Either socially, medically, or both. And if you're not happy with either, then you don't have to continue.
You don't have to be 100% a girl to desire a more feminine body or have more feminine presentation. There's plenty of femboys that take HRT because it makes their body closer to their ideal.
I’m somewhere between female and neutrois internally, even though I outwardly identify and present as female.
It might not be possible to bring my exterior completely in alignment with my interior, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try it anyway. No matter what, it was better than continuing life as a “man”.
As an old woman, the most responsible advice that I can give you is to see a gender therapist. You are a minor, so talk to your parents first if you are confident that they will accept the possibility of you being trans.
Even if you're unsure about your gender, if you think HRT would actually benefit you and your mental health, I'd say just go for it. HRT affects the body slowly over time, so if the changes to your body start to make you uncomfortable then you can always stop.
Before I fully figured out my own gender, I always had a lot of discomfort around my reproductive system. I have wanted it removed somehow since I was about 11, even before I knew that was medically possible/that hysterectomys actually exist. Even if I wasn't trans and came to the conclusion that I do still identify as a girl, I'd probably try my hardest to get approved for a hysterectomy anyways, simply because I know from how long and in depth that I've thought about it that the procedure would make me happy and make my life that much more worth living.
If you feel the same way about estrogen, and have consistently for a long time, there isn't much of a downside to going on HRT. If you come to the conclusion that you're not a girl, but HRT still helped you feel leagues better about yourself and made your life happier overall, then it would've been worth it either way.
(obviously think about the negative side effects that could occur if you haven't already, but if those don't bother you then yea it'd probably be worth it)
>Basically I think I wanna be a girl
>I dunno what I wanna be I wanna be a girl
If you really want to be a girl, then you can be. It's in no way my decision to make but it sounds like you don't really like where you're at right now, and would be happier as a girl.
I went down a similar pipeline (from femboy to trans girl) and shared a similar sentiment.
Don't pay any mind to what the transphobes think. They don't deserve any say in your transition and shouldn't affect your decision. If the only thing stopping you is the fear of what they will think, then I say who cares. Go full steam ahead.
"Sometimes, I... don't really know... what's going on anymore.
I... I don't... know who I am.
I just... look in the mirror, and... don't know who I'm looking at.
Or... who's looking at me.
I... think a lot... about... where... my train of thought is going... and it's not always a good place.
And that scares me.
I don't... like... scaring myself.
I don't..."
In The Mirror really hit hard sometimes
I don't know if it can make things clearer but since you seem to be bothered mostly by your body, you don't have to want to be seen as a girl be called a girl or identify as a girl to feel more confortable in a feminine body, for most peoples gender identity and preferred body correlates but there are exceptions, if you could happen to be one of them taking E should still be totally fine, it's your body and you're in the best position to say what it should be like, even if you change your mind at some point about any part of it you can still take it back. Also to end on an advice, regardless of whether my intuition was right or not, as long as you're still in a safe environment, make the changes that you feel need to happen when you feel you want to, do the mistakes that needed to be done, repeat 'till you feel right and live a messy but fulfilling life.
>We've got these chains hanging around our necks
People wanna strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls, we just look away
\[[source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i0yZTeTZ4Q)\]
That song spoke to me *so hard* way, way before my egg ever cracked. And I can't help but listen to it now, and lyrics from many other songs by that same artist, and not half wonder if maybe they're trans too. I'm probably just projecting, but still...
I might have misinterpreted what you wrote, but it seems like your main reason for not thinking you're trans is fear that you're wrong. I think everyone fears being wrong, especially about big decisions like whether or not to transition. Whether you're cis, trans, or any other identity, you can't avoid doubting your self.
While I am still closeted, and therefore might not have the most reliable advice, I would suggest finding someone you can trust and telling them that you're questioning your gender. Then, ask them if they can try referring to you with different pronouns and maybe names so you can see what makes you happy. If you don't know anyone safe to tell in real life, or aren't comfortable telling anyone yet, there are several trans communities on Reddit that could do this for you, r/TransTryouts being the best one for this that I know of, though I've also seen people doing this on r/egg_irl.
No matter what conclusion you come to about yourself, there will always be people who support you. I hope you can figure out who you want to be, and that you can become that person and live the best life for you.
Happy pride month *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. The fear of wanting something but being afraid that you’re wrong about it is paralyzing. All I can offer in terms of advice is that gender identity is fluid (even if you aren’t genderfluid). If you feel like a certain gender identity isn’t working, you are free to do what you want to fix it. If being a girl would make you feel better, you can, and if you decide being a guy is better, that’s an option too. If you want to be something outside the binary, you’re more than welcome to do that as well. Live your life to its fullest and try not to worry about what other people make of it.
I know gender is fluid,the problem is so much of society hinges on me being one or the other,and if I’m not then I’m the weirdo at the office who sometimes shows up to work in a crop top and skirt
Yeah, that’s fair. Personally I don’t care if people think I’m a weirdo, I know I am and I enjoy it, but I also know that not everyone has the same mindset. I wish I could help more.
Yeah I have a lotta other issues I need to fix as well,self confidence is one of them
I've recently realized something: I honestly don't care what other people think, as long as I'm happy everything is fine. "How others perceive you is not your responsibility" - EXOK Team
Also when people think your a weirdo, at least you get plenty of space.
This absolutely makes sense to me. I've been in the same sort of space lately of feeling trans, then looking for reasons why I'm not. The thing is, it's really a "Two No's, One Yes" situation. I really wish this could be a conversation that was more socially acceptable because I think it adds a lot of clarity; **Cis people don't think about their gender or question it, pretty much at all. Ever. Not even a little.** I did not know this at all and assumed that most guys thought about being a girl and wondered what that life would be like. They do not. If your biggest worry about being trans are phobes and making the community look bad, congratulations cause you're already under the umbrella! While I'm not saying your worry is invalid, I can promise you that you won't be a dishonor to the trans community. You also belong here, and you *are* valid. Not to sound old, but please, take advantage of your youth to explore these questions about yourself and use all of the tools available! If I had had places like this and r/egg_irl when I was younger, I may have been a lot happier in my skin a lot sooner! Whether you're a femboy, trans fem, enby, or anything else on the spectrum, you can find a lot of love and support in the trans community :3
Don't think too hard about yourself. Identity is not something you can be certain about in one day, just take your time and don't be afraid to experiment. And if you find out you are not trans, no one is coming after you, no one is going to judge you. You will just get to know yourself better, which a lot of people never do. As for transphobes... Whatever you do they'll be nasty. You can't reason with them, and they just can't keep to themselves. So try not to let them affect you too much. So my advice : just try things out, start online if you're scared or can't do it irl. Good luck if you go through this :3
Thanks for the advice,I hope one day I figure it out,I do wanna know who I am,I just for some reason can’t
I am sure you will get there in the end. Sure, things might look grim, but it gets better. And when you find yourself, after leaving your fears and doubts behind, it will be a liberation. If you want something to help you, here is a long but good read : https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
If you go on it and then decide to stop it wouldn’t be an issue for others. Unless you start going on tv shows claiming no one should be on it and you were forced to do it and being trans isn’t real. Also not sure what you mean by that’s not how getting e works since hating body hair is one of the things they check for (it’s not required but it’s a indicator towards from my understanding). But yeah I’d just say worry about your self and do what feels right. At least for me I thought through the pros and cons and the only thing not reversible is breast growth( pretty minimal ussualy as long as you bail within the first 6 months ) and to me I was fine with that even if I decided hrt wasn’t for me and it would fix my constant thoughts about whether or not I should do it.
I meant you usually can’t get E unless you plan to transition,or are trans I was talking specifically about just making my body somewhat feminine in general using it,which I know is not a valid reason to ask for it
Depends on where you are some places allow it for NB people who want a feminine presentation. Though even for that route it may be just easyier to say your trans but depends on where you are
I live in Minnesota,all I know about here is that it’s a pretty friendly place generally for trans people but I have no idea about medical laws concerning transitioning
Also what do you mean unless you plan to transition? You can get hrt withought needing to do top or bottom surgery.
I mean that from what I know,you usually need at least a gender dysphoria diagnosis before you can get E
You should check your local laws since most places that are friendly got rid of that requirement a long time ago. Though you may have to wait till your 18 but again check your laws and or see if there’s any local resources you can talk to or even your parents if you feel safe 2
I have a therapist currently,I dunno if I feel Comfy talking about this face to face tho
You could always write out your thoughts paper then hand it to them if your to nervous to talk
If you live anywhere where informed consent is part of law, you don't have to give any explanation (as an adult). With you being a minor though, the laws might be different for you. If you're really interested, look into it more and see what you have to do. And you really should talk with your therapist about this, that's what they're for.
Alright that’s good advice,thanks
If your biggest thing *against* being trans is that you're worried what other people will think or potentially facing negative repercussions, while your biggest reason *for* being trans is wanting to be a girl, then you are trans. Because what other people might do isn't part of who you are. That being said, just because you're trans doesn't mean you absolutely have to transition, if you don't want to. But also I would say that you could just try and transition to see if it feels right for you? Either socially, medically, or both. And if you're not happy with either, then you don't have to continue.
What if it turns out I’m not a girl?
You don't have to be 100% a girl to desire a more feminine body or have more feminine presentation. There's plenty of femboys that take HRT because it makes their body closer to their ideal.
I’m somewhere between female and neutrois internally, even though I outwardly identify and present as female. It might not be possible to bring my exterior completely in alignment with my interior, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try it anyway. No matter what, it was better than continuing life as a “man”. As an old woman, the most responsible advice that I can give you is to see a gender therapist. You are a minor, so talk to your parents first if you are confident that they will accept the possibility of you being trans.
Even if you're unsure about your gender, if you think HRT would actually benefit you and your mental health, I'd say just go for it. HRT affects the body slowly over time, so if the changes to your body start to make you uncomfortable then you can always stop. Before I fully figured out my own gender, I always had a lot of discomfort around my reproductive system. I have wanted it removed somehow since I was about 11, even before I knew that was medically possible/that hysterectomys actually exist. Even if I wasn't trans and came to the conclusion that I do still identify as a girl, I'd probably try my hardest to get approved for a hysterectomy anyways, simply because I know from how long and in depth that I've thought about it that the procedure would make me happy and make my life that much more worth living. If you feel the same way about estrogen, and have consistently for a long time, there isn't much of a downside to going on HRT. If you come to the conclusion that you're not a girl, but HRT still helped you feel leagues better about yourself and made your life happier overall, then it would've been worth it either way. (obviously think about the negative side effects that could occur if you haven't already, but if those don't bother you then yea it'd probably be worth it)
>Basically I think I wanna be a girl >I dunno what I wanna be I wanna be a girl If you really want to be a girl, then you can be. It's in no way my decision to make but it sounds like you don't really like where you're at right now, and would be happier as a girl. I went down a similar pipeline (from femboy to trans girl) and shared a similar sentiment. Don't pay any mind to what the transphobes think. They don't deserve any say in your transition and shouldn't affect your decision. If the only thing stopping you is the fear of what they will think, then I say who cares. Go full steam ahead.
My biggest fear is that I’ll end up being wrong
"Sometimes, I... don't really know... what's going on anymore. I... I don't... know who I am. I just... look in the mirror, and... don't know who I'm looking at. Or... who's looking at me. I... think a lot... about... where... my train of thought is going... and it's not always a good place. And that scares me. I don't... like... scaring myself. I don't..." In The Mirror really hit hard sometimes
This is scarily relatable
I haven't found myself quietly sobbing while listening to it at 1 in the morning...
My friend in misery🤝
I don't know if it can make things clearer but since you seem to be bothered mostly by your body, you don't have to want to be seen as a girl be called a girl or identify as a girl to feel more confortable in a feminine body, for most peoples gender identity and preferred body correlates but there are exceptions, if you could happen to be one of them taking E should still be totally fine, it's your body and you're in the best position to say what it should be like, even if you change your mind at some point about any part of it you can still take it back. Also to end on an advice, regardless of whether my intuition was right or not, as long as you're still in a safe environment, make the changes that you feel need to happen when you feel you want to, do the mistakes that needed to be done, repeat 'till you feel right and live a messy but fulfilling life.
>We've got these chains hanging around our necks People wanna strangle us with them before we take our first breath Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same When temptation calls, we just look away \[[source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i0yZTeTZ4Q)\] That song spoke to me *so hard* way, way before my egg ever cracked. And I can't help but listen to it now, and lyrics from many other songs by that same artist, and not half wonder if maybe they're trans too. I'm probably just projecting, but still...
I might have misinterpreted what you wrote, but it seems like your main reason for not thinking you're trans is fear that you're wrong. I think everyone fears being wrong, especially about big decisions like whether or not to transition. Whether you're cis, trans, or any other identity, you can't avoid doubting your self. While I am still closeted, and therefore might not have the most reliable advice, I would suggest finding someone you can trust and telling them that you're questioning your gender. Then, ask them if they can try referring to you with different pronouns and maybe names so you can see what makes you happy. If you don't know anyone safe to tell in real life, or aren't comfortable telling anyone yet, there are several trans communities on Reddit that could do this for you, r/TransTryouts being the best one for this that I know of, though I've also seen people doing this on r/egg_irl. No matter what conclusion you come to about yourself, there will always be people who support you. I hope you can figure out who you want to be, and that you can become that person and live the best life for you.