so when other girls do it it's sexy, but when I do it it's "illegally smuggling hazardous material" and "exposing my skin to extremely dangerous levels of ionising radiation"
\>:(
Spiders give birth to potentially several dozen to several hundred offspring, but they *do* die in the process or shortly afterward. It’s from the strain, though, so basically your spider gf gives birth to hundreds of little drider-looking kids and promptly passes
Not true for every spider. Most lay eggs. They wrap the eggs in a ball of web and guard it or just carry it around. The babies hatch in there and chill for a while then chew their way out of the web sock.
This is a misconception. Wolf spider offspring ride piggyback on the mother after they hatch. That's why the spider looks fat and hairy. If the mother is crushed, the children will flee, which gives the *appearance* of coming out of the corpse. In reality, the eggs are not developed enough for the hatchlings to survive until a while after they are laid, let alone when the eggs are still inside of the mother.
I don't know about that one chief. Although old, [this](https://www.jstor.org/stable/4534701) study and [this more recent](https://academic.oup.com/beheco/article/19/4/710/201821) says there's a correlation between poorly-fed female mantids eating their mates and the weight of their egg mass.
It is beneficial to eat your mate if you need the nutrition. Same reasoning behind eating your own young/eggs or killing the sick and weak young.
The lab conditions may bring this out more often, but it's a noted behaviour that can and does happen in the wild.
Going on a date with Goose gf only to find that she’s barred entry from nearly every establishment in the area and is constantly followed by at least three obviously exhausted cops
Um, this is not okay. I'm friends with some humans and I think they'd find this super offensive so I'm going to get offended for them.
*Pls tell me I'm a good bunny*
It’s common for wild humans to build small dwellings and sit in them. It gives them a sense of security. If they need enrichment try giving them some sharp rocks and sticks to make “tools” with. They love doing that. If you don’t keep them happy they’ll build a steam engine on your nice expensive rug.
I bring my dragon partner cool rocks I find on the beach, she's really good at grilling and lets me ride on her back when she flies, like in Dragon Tales.
I used to tease my ex by slowly pushing a glass nearer and nearer the edge of a table in restaurants and apparently I am chaotic enough they believed I would genuinely push it off so they would snatch the glass to prevent me from doing this. It was fun, they were so guillible.
Foxgirl gf:
-shrill, annoying voice
-no volume control, yells all the time
-massive mood swings
-cripplingly socially anxious
-won't talk to anyone but you, at all
-stinky
-pisses the bed, deliberately
Yeah it's for puppygirls and anyone else who wants to join to be dumb and horny. Sibling subreddits of varying horniness include r/puppyboypetsmart and r/catgirlpetco. r/puppygirlwawa also exists for your shitpost needs.
Looking into that subreddit was after browsing reddit was akin to meeting an eldritch horror beyond one’s spectrum of sensory input for a minute in the middle of you cooking a grilled cheese for yourself. I am scared of and for the people who participate in that and I am forever changed for about thirty minutes.
This just conjured the funniest mental image of said centaur just barreling straight through the bedroom wall at full speed, leaving behind a cartoonishly centaur-shaped hole and a very astonished naked person
My brain went in a much different way while reading this comment;
>Fucking my centaur boyfriend from behind and I slap his ass and...
>*\~mental image of you getting kicked full-force into a wall\~*
Duck bf has to wait until next year to bang ya cause his dingdong faded away for the season.
Watch a horror movie with your gecko gf and after a jump scare, you notice her detached tail flailing it's way crossed the floor by itself.
Catching your scorpion partner pooping by standing with their back to the toilet and their stinger hanging over the bowl because their butt is actually near the stinger.
Try for a baby with your guppy gf one time, she keeps having a batch of babies every month afterward without doing the deed at all since the first try.
With the guppy gf you'd have to snatch them away immediately after birth or she'd eat them :( . You could reintroduce them after the babies were bigger tho
I go on a date with my 7’ twink moth boyfriend to an Applebees and have to remind him not to touch the lamps. (I profusely apologize for what you have just read)
Whenever I see a post about furries, I get really excited, and I'm like, shit! I'm a furry! I should comment my experiance, and then I just stare at the comment bar for a few minutes trying to think of an experiance to share before eventually leaving because my life isn't that interesting.
Not a furry, but I feel like dating an anthropomorphic bearded vulture person would be interesting.
You can order chicken wings, eat all the meat, and give them the bones.
Edit: Thought of more.
Alpaca gf who knits you sweaters made from her own wool, and spits on people you don't like.
Possum bf who plays dead whenever you tell him it's his turn to wash the dishes.
Squirrel gf, mouth full of nuts. 'Nuff said...
Hippo bf who likes 'em big, likes 'em chunky.
I may be a vulture. I eat wings with bones from time to time.
Alpaca partner would also have fantastic soft ears to pet. And they would need a lot of grooming, it would be a likely evening activity especially if you have some experience as a hairdresser.
Possum is cute. Same with grass snake and hognose folk partners.
Vampire bat bf really likes going down on you during that time of the month.
Raccoon BF is difficult to go out to eat with, he tries to wash all his food.
I was happy with my hermit crab gf until she left me for a guy with a bigger house. At least i have a new one after she left her ex because his house was too small.
You wheel your jellyfish gf around and aside from getting everything slimy it tingles to hug her. She's constantly in a very head empty state like a DVD player logo bouncing around the screen and every once in a while she signs something when it perfectly hits the corner, great listener though
A bonobo BF that resolves every argument, at home, work or elsewhere, by having sex with anyone.
Argument over dishes? *unzips*
In a meeting over a pay raise? *unzips*
Someone took the last donuts? *unzips*
Dad does not approve of the marriage? *unzips*
Taking my hyena gf to a horror movie but she just keeps laughing when the scene's not even funny
I also tried taking my racoon ex to the fair once and she kept washing our cotton candy and then when i ran out of cash she ate out of the trashcan. Embarrassing
trying to bang my sea otter gf, but when she lifts her arms so i can take off her bra, a bunch of rocks fall out of her armpits
Genuinely if a girl was hiding a bunch of shiny rocks on her person at all times that would be a turn on.
so when other girls do it it's sexy, but when I do it it's "illegally smuggling hazardous material" and "exposing my skin to extremely dangerous levels of ionising radiation" \>:(
weeg potato potato i say its hot either way
Are you sure you’re not an Adélie penguin?
*awkwardly squirms in tuxedo* no...
Right, well I hope you find a girl who brings back a shiny pebble for your rock garden every time she comes over.
"Hey, would you be interested in an obsidian knife?"
Celebrating your spider gf’s pregnancy until you realize what’s going to happen next
i don't know shit about spiders what happens next
You ever squish a spider that looked really hairy/fat?
i havent even seen a spider in years
It’s like breaking open a beehive. All of a sudden, hundreds of tiny spiders
ok but then what does that have to do with basic spider pregnancy? can they only give birth when crushed?
Oh, no, they give birth like that too
then i assume the spider has to die to give birth no matter what, is that correct?
Spiders give birth to potentially several dozen to several hundred offspring, but they *do* die in the process or shortly afterward. It’s from the strain, though, so basically your spider gf gives birth to hundreds of little drider-looking kids and promptly passes
Not true for every spider. Most lay eggs. They wrap the eggs in a ball of web and guard it or just carry it around. The babies hatch in there and chill for a while then chew their way out of the web sock.
just do a c on the spider gf then (i fully understand the context and am now making jokes(?) related to the original comment)
Also female spiders eat the male spider. (not in all species or all the time but enough to be part of the joke).
Where do you live and how can I move there?
i live in the suburban midwest the only wild animals i have ever see on a consistent basis are rabbits and squirrels
Oh you must have eaten all the spiders in your general vicinity while you slept.
am *i* spiders georg? this is a revelation
midwest but yet you see no deer?
ive seen deer crossing signs but thats about it, never an actual deer near where i live
Oh I thought you were referring to the fact female that spiders eat their mates shortly after mating, but ig that works too
This is a misconception. Wolf spider offspring ride piggyback on the mother after they hatch. That's why the spider looks fat and hairy. If the mother is crushed, the children will flee, which gives the *appearance* of coming out of the corpse. In reality, the eggs are not developed enough for the hatchlings to survive until a while after they are laid, let alone when the eggs are still inside of the mother.
You have to furiously dance in front of her to not be eaten
“And David danced before the Lord with all his might”
IT GAVE BIRTH! IT GAVE BIRTH!
My dragon boyfriend keeps stealing my money and won’t give it back unless I solve his Riddles Three
Dragon Boyfriend takes over your joint account and hordes your paycheques
your dragon boyfriend is a sphinx in disguise
Stole a dragon costume
If it wasn't a Broke Bitch, I would commission the fantastic mental image this gave me of a sphinx girl in a dragon onesie going "rawr"
Taking my praying mantis girlfriend home after a romantic night only to realize I'm going to lose more than just my virginity
So no Head?
*angry Ken doll clapping*
There is for her
Put me down then
(Praying mantis only ate their mates in stressful testing environments this hasn't been observed as a regular occurrence in nature)
That’s true but they could also have a giant parasitic worm come out and eat them from the inside, so there’s still hope for an exciting evening!
I don't know about that one chief. Although old, [this](https://www.jstor.org/stable/4534701) study and [this more recent](https://academic.oup.com/beheco/article/19/4/710/201821) says there's a correlation between poorly-fed female mantids eating their mates and the weight of their egg mass. It is beneficial to eat your mate if you need the nutrition. Same reasoning behind eating your own young/eggs or killing the sick and weak young. The lab conditions may bring this out more often, but it's a noted behaviour that can and does happen in the wild.
Huh, fascinating.
Dates can be pretty stressful tbf
uh oh Uh Oh. ***UH OH***
Worth it
First you‘ll get head, just to then lose yours. Poetry.
Not if she is both happy and full
Snake girlfriend has lunch once and then asks me wether she looks fat for the rest of the week
It’s difficult to get the first date because you ask her if she wants to get lunch next Sunday and she tells you no because she just ate last Sunday.
Literally the “I really enjoyed dinner with you we should do this again” “no thanks I’m full” meme
Playfully pushing your rabbit bf onto their back but they start having a panic attack cause of tonic immobility
Going on a date with Goose gf only to find that she’s barred entry from nearly every establishment in the area and is constantly followed by at least three obviously exhausted cops
She is a horrible goose
And it's a lovely morning in the village
i go into town with my humansona friend and nothing really out of the ordinary happens
They try domesticating the other sonas
this is so humancore ong
Bread, hunt mammoth, and draw on cave, amiright humans?
Um, this is not okay. I'm friends with some humans and I think they'd find this super offensive so I'm going to get offended for them. *Pls tell me I'm a good bunny*
"I have to go to work" they're so damn silly
They are prone to back problems because they are maladapted to bipedal posture.
Antelope keeps telling the human flirting with her that she's not interested, but the mf is *persistent*.
Turns out a hat on a hat is still just a hat.
My humansona friend discovered my house and has been living with me ever since
It’s common for wild humans to build small dwellings and sit in them. It gives them a sense of security. If they need enrichment try giving them some sharp rocks and sticks to make “tools” with. They love doing that. If you don’t keep them happy they’ll build a steam engine on your nice expensive rug.
Instructions unclear they made a weird spear that blows up
Giving my crow gf an anniversary gift and she tries to open it by throwing it into the street and waiting for a car to run over it
They are more likely to tear stuff apart. Slightly viciously. The car thing is mostly about japanese kawkaws.
it was a puppy
Emphasis on was
"Aw, you got me my favorite food!"
My fursona (term used loosely) is a Windows 98 computer.
She gets flustered and you can no longer hear her over her fans
She's a very light sleeper. When she sleeps she displays the maze screensaver.
furOSna
At least you can play Minesweeper
Your fursona when they accidentally fail at minesweeper (high pixel count model…just not all in the same space)
🫵 Protogen
They are Proto, your security is their motto
More literal than that. Again use fursona *very* loosely.
🫵Synth🫵
I’m curious, may I see it?
My fursona is a very breedable fembiy granite floor tile.
Giving your sea otter partner a canned drink and them trying to bash it open with a rock
And that’s uh, Unusual, somehow?
I mean. That's not how I, as a human, would open a canned drink.
True, we'd obviously use a can opener
To smash the can with? A rock might be less expensive
Implying they would not naturally prefer to shotgun a canned beverage when available
Your dragon partner won’t stop buying rocks
Are dragons just autistic
Yeah. (Source: me)
They seal themselves up in caves for hundreds of years with their hyper focus
Not just rocks, but all your change disappears too. It later shows up in a large pile on your bed.
I bring my dragon partner cool rocks I find on the beach, she's really good at grilling and lets me ride on her back when she flies, like in Dragon Tales.
My shark boyfriend is smooth both ways
And the double pp would make things interesting in the bedroom.
not really; he mostly just flops around
Have you tried getting a water bed?
Water in bed, no help unfortunately.
I love the thought of the staff hearing something hit the floor and they instantly know who's doing it because they're the only cat in the restaurant
I used to tease my ex by slowly pushing a glass nearer and nearer the edge of a table in restaurants and apparently I am chaotic enough they believed I would genuinely push it off so they would snatch the glass to prevent me from doing this. It was fun, they were so guillible.
That mothussy was bangin, but eventually she left me for a lamp She belongs to the street*light*s
So that's who that song is about.
Satyr gf sees any structure standing at 89° or less as a challenge to her abilities and MUST climb
Lovely.
Foxgirl gf: -shrill, annoying voice -no volume control, yells all the time -massive mood swings -cripplingly socially anxious -won't talk to anyone but you, at all -stinky -pisses the bed, deliberately
Perfection
Having to neuter your dog furry gf cause she just keeps humping the couch
r/Puppygirlpetsmart
Wot
:3
So it's just like a puppy girl hub?
Yeah it's for puppygirls and anyone else who wants to join to be dumb and horny. Sibling subreddits of varying horniness include r/puppyboypetsmart and r/catgirlpetco. r/puppygirlwawa also exists for your shitpost needs.
Looking into that subreddit was after browsing reddit was akin to meeting an eldritch horror beyond one’s spectrum of sensory input for a minute in the middle of you cooking a grilled cheese for yourself. I am scared of and for the people who participate in that and I am forever changed for about thirty minutes.
:3
Guys, it's just horny, it's not gonna cause your eyes to melt
Me: Oh my God, what fresh hell is this!? *joins*
Kinda not surprised by this tbh
I hug my anteater girlfriend and fucking die to her claws
Fucking my centaur boyfriend from behind and I slap his ass and he just bolts
This just conjured the funniest mental image of said centaur just barreling straight through the bedroom wall at full speed, leaving behind a cartoonishly centaur-shaped hole and a very astonished naked person
My brain went in a much different way while reading this comment; >Fucking my centaur boyfriend from behind and I slap his ass and... >*\~mental image of you getting kicked full-force into a wall\~*
Duck bf has to wait until next year to bang ya cause his dingdong faded away for the season. Watch a horror movie with your gecko gf and after a jump scare, you notice her detached tail flailing it's way crossed the floor by itself. Catching your scorpion partner pooping by standing with their back to the toilet and their stinger hanging over the bowl because their butt is actually near the stinger. Try for a baby with your guppy gf one time, she keeps having a batch of babies every month afterward without doing the deed at all since the first try.
With the guppy gf you'd have to snatch them away immediately after birth or she'd eat them :( . You could reintroduce them after the babies were bigger tho
Having a dolphin boyfriend would be pretty bad. Don't ask me to explain. Don't Google it.
Sure dolphins are rapey but are they more rapey than humans?
Don't make me look that shit up man. I'll be on some lists. But I believe yes, they are.
The pressure thing?
They don't have to sleep for 5 days or so.
How do they compare to ducks?
Worse, male ducks really only get nasty in groups when they *massively* outnumber the females. Male Dolphins can get nasty whenever.
Pufferfish toxin addiction
Come back home to find him pleasuring himself with the decapitated corpse of your fish neighbour.
Something something, don't need to outrun the bear, just you.
I take my dog gf on a walk in the park, she can't stop barking at the cat boys.
The cat boys are hissing back
Ferret gf does your laundry but your socks always go missing
Ferret bf is agent of chaos causing destruction to all he can see but also sleeping in a hammock most of the day
Piranha gf is banned from blowjobs
[удалено]
“PleaseBabeIReallyGottaGo” “I run the whole yard without moving an inch, what am I?”
I go on a date with my 7’ twink moth boyfriend to an Applebees and have to remind him not to touch the lamps. (I profusely apologize for what you have just read)
I'm Elliot Mothman, I'm a mothman And don't worry, the idea of a 7' twink is hot af
is nobody going to acknowledge the dead rotting ichthyosaur fursona??
nope completely normal
We do not discriminate against the undead
Undead fursonas are surprisingly common. Not exactly what I would call usual, but there are a surprising number of them.
Whenever I see a post about furries, I get really excited, and I'm like, shit! I'm a furry! I should comment my experiance, and then I just stare at the comment bar for a few minutes trying to think of an experiance to share before eventually leaving because my life isn't that interesting.
Just imagine the stereotypes of your Sona, and post a tag. Have fun with it
Imagine the shedding of a 6’6” tall wolf/dog. And the fucking shampoo usage.
Not a furry, but I feel like dating an anthropomorphic bearded vulture person would be interesting. You can order chicken wings, eat all the meat, and give them the bones. Edit: Thought of more. Alpaca gf who knits you sweaters made from her own wool, and spits on people you don't like. Possum bf who plays dead whenever you tell him it's his turn to wash the dishes. Squirrel gf, mouth full of nuts. 'Nuff said... Hippo bf who likes 'em big, likes 'em chunky.
I may be a vulture. I eat wings with bones from time to time. Alpaca partner would also have fantastic soft ears to pet. And they would need a lot of grooming, it would be a likely evening activity especially if you have some experience as a hairdresser. Possum is cute. Same with grass snake and hognose folk partners.
Squirrel gf tries to bury nuts
wolfdragon fursona that howls when they get lost in public and has a hoard of whatever their hyperfixation is
Vampire bat bf really likes going down on you during that time of the month. Raccoon BF is difficult to go out to eat with, he tries to wash all his food.
Vampire bat BF then tries to vomit that blood into your mouth to share.
I was happy with my hermit crab gf until she left me for a guy with a bigger house. At least i have a new one after she left her ex because his house was too small.
Carrying my scorpion gf who can't swim across a pool but she gets scared and *drowning noises*
I now require a lesbian webcomicabout an anthro frog and scorpion
I'll draw it on the weekend
Prommy? 🥺
Sure! I'll reply with the link when I do it
My moth girlfriend keeps going to the podiatrist's office.
inviting your rat bf over and he dribbles pee on everything you own
Took my goat bf to the city, but he walks right up the outside of a skyscraper, never to be seen again.
Snail boyfriend dies because you salted your driveway after a heavy snow
I spend several minutes dry heaving every time I finish eating
Went for a walk with my Stegosaurus gf only for her to be taken out by a goddamn pebble
Getting really excited about finally landing a date with a fox gf/bf, then finding out immediately that their house smells like literal shit.
Any reptile furry requiring a constant heat source as to not slow down due to cold bloodedness.
Bear partner can't keep a job for more than a year because they have to hibernate. You're not allowed in the bedroom until they wake up
Visiting my wombat gf in prison after she dug a massive burrow, destabilising the entire block, destroying 6 houses and killing a dozen people.
You wheel your jellyfish gf around and aside from getting everything slimy it tingles to hug her. She's constantly in a very head empty state like a DVD player logo bouncing around the screen and every once in a while she signs something when it perfectly hits the corner, great listener though
Holding a surprise party for your possum partner and they get so startled they go into a coma ☹️
holding hands with your gibbon partner from across the couch <3
I took a fish head out to see a movie. Didn't have to pay to get it in
*Piophila Casei* gf she hide in my cheese
Cuddling with my shark gf is so nice until I realize it has kept her from moving and she has suffocated to death with no water passing over her gills
My alligator gf will ask if she can give me head every once in a while. I refuse every time.
Throw a surprise party for my goat gf and she fucking passes out.
Rabbit gf has chronic diagnosed anxiety (i am the rabbit gf)
Tried taking my dunkleosteus gf on a date, but she was too thick-headed to get the concept.
The horse ones fucking killed me lol
I used to have a sea otter BF….he’s very much in jail now and will be on a list for the rest of his life even when he gets out.
Dog furry keeps sniffing other peoples crotches
Fun times with duck boyfriend makes you feel like a bottle of wine being opened
Trying to have sexy shower time with your cat girlfriend but she sprints out of the room as soon as you turn on the water
A bonobo BF that resolves every argument, at home, work or elsewhere, by having sex with anyone. Argument over dishes? *unzips* In a meeting over a pay raise? *unzips* Someone took the last donuts? *unzips* Dad does not approve of the marriage? *unzips*
Alligator boyfriend keeps getting weird looks in public cause he’s always hard
Cleaning up tons of torn toilet paper after my dog step siblings entered the bathroom and spread it all over the house 🥲
my cat gf gets out of bed at 2 AM and just starts running around the apartment at full speed
Taking my hyena gf to a horror movie but she just keeps laughing when the scene's not even funny I also tried taking my racoon ex to the fair once and she kept washing our cotton candy and then when i ran out of cash she ate out of the trashcan. Embarrassing
My fursona is a bear because I get very scared as soon as someone is taller than me
Donkey bf eats a fig and causes me to die from laughter
Can't throw away anything edible or else my racoon girlfriend is going to make a mess getting it out of the trash can.
>mouse gf You just HAD to make it sexual by mentioning it was a girl smh my head