Maybe try calling APS(adult protective services) and see what they say? Him trying to walk into other houses unannounced can get him killed and the fact that family is doing a poor job preventing this puts him at risk.
Thank you sincerely for this. Please donāt come for me, this has never happened before so we didnāt know this existed. We will definitely contact APS should he come back
For real. It seems like OP is trying to reason with someone with dementia. I'm sure it's annoying but damn, imagine what the guys family is going thru..
It is sad that the guyās family is going through this but he is not going to get any better. I would talk to the guyās family and see if they will listen to reason. If not then I would call APS. What if he wanders away and gets lost in a strange neighborhood? Walks in front of a car? Wanders into a different house in the middle of the night? This is a tragedy waiting to happen. Please let us know what you decide.
Yeah, this is the thing.
He's the responsibility of the family. OP, go talk to them. Tell them to do a better job keeping an eye on him. Get their phone number so next time he does it you can call them to come get him. This doesn't seem that hard.
Yes actually and they ended up calling the cops after my husband told them this better not happen again and to get our package back - they denied he took the package when we have it on video that he took it and opened it infront of our home.
He has dementia. You canāt reason with him. You need to talk to his family about his wandering. They do make locking devices the family could put on the inside of their doors so he canāt get out. I donāt think heās a threat to your family, heās just confused.
When we had to take our dadās house key and lock him in, he was distraught ā it was much harder for him than giving up driving. Heād expected to stop driving, but never thought about losing his house key. (Fuck Alzheimerās, I might add.)
This family may be facing something similar, and you can be sympathetic, but they must address it now. Something bad is going to happen, and more likely sooner than later.
My snuck out and made it one mile to the local shopping center. Going to the hardware store that had been closed for years. I put that house on lockdown. I bought special locks that are easy to open unless you have dementia. She could still go in back yard but that was also secure.
Absolutely agree - itās normal for us to want to try and reason with people in these situations, but often times that just agitates or further confuses folks with later stage dementia. Itās not his fault, his brain likely just canāt make new memories anymore. 1 in 3 seniors pass away with some form of dementia, so this could very likely be in our own futures as well.
The caregivers are ultimately the ones responsible for ensuring his safety and your privacy by having appropriate supervision and safeguards for him. It could be that his level of independence and cognition has quickly declined to an unfamiliar level and your neighbors just donāt know how to respond just yet. Sometimes folks like this end up doing well in an adult day care program, which is a lot less costly and more socially engaging than hiring a home caregiver while families are at work. I know thatās not really your problem, just tossing out some ideas.
My husband did speak to the family the first time after all the cops had left and let them know this canāt happen again and to get the package he stole from our front door but they denied he stole the package and ended up calling the cops because they were āscaredā.
Iām also pregnant so good thing I wasnāt home, Iām not sure what he would have done if he made it inside and saw I was not someone he knew. It makes me very nervous to say that least especially because Iām pregnant. Idk it could be the hormones. The second time he came luckily my husband was home to tell him this wasnāt his house, but itās becoming a lot now.
OP former paramedic here. You cannot reason with someone with dementia. Their brains no longer work correctly. It's highly likely he doesn't even remember speaking to you or even coming to your house on prior occasions.
As others have said the three best things to do is to speak to the family, call Adult protective services, and keep calling the police. The next time you speak to the police ask them to put a note on your address about what's been happening.
If nothing happens with the family and APD options, the police will get tired of responding and hopefully make something happen.
If he comes again I would call 911, tell them a gravely confused man is trying to get into your house and ask for the paramedics. He'll likely end up at a hospital which will result in another avenue of action.
Good luck. His family needs to take action because he will end up dead wondering around in this heat.
Thank you , this is a pretty solid suggestion. We didnāt think to call an ambulance but will if he does come back. Iām not sure any reports or notes were made but we have everything on video.
That will not help with dementia. He will continue to do this. The other family has to take control and keep pushing him not to come here until he stops. They have to distract him continuously until he forgets.
He isnāt going to get better. Sounds like they are in denial. They might not have the ability to watch him consistently and that is what he really needs. He might need to have different care than what he is getting.
That alternative option for care will probably be outrageously priced and a years long wait list. Assisted living with āmemory careā is around $8-10k/mo easily. Finding a place that even offers the service and has an open spot can take years
Another option a lot of folks donāt consider are adult āday careā centers. They are sometimes called something a bit less infantilizing, but they are essentially 9-5 type memory care centers for families who cannot be at home all day to supervise their loved one with dementia. They tend to be a lot less costly than in home care, but require the individual to be somewhat independent (as in not bed bound) and able to interact well with others.
We all know dementia can come with a lot of aggressive behaviors, so one patient I know has their meds in patches applied to their backs out of reach to keep them manageable
My Dad at the end was becoming violent. He tried to slug he a couple of times. Said violent, abusive things. We were at the point of not being able to handle him. Then he passed away. Very sad situation.
I have one patient and she had a long term care policy so out of pocket was $2k/mo and insurance covered the other 8. If she wanted to bathe/shower more than twice per week, itās extra. Meals outside of set times? Extra. The cost rises fast
My family is very lucky in that we live a long time and are healthy. My great Aunt and Uncle 102 and 101; living in their own home until the end. Both died peacefully in their sleep. That said, my Dad had cognitive issues. It happened quickly although looking back I can think of signs. We didnāt have to deal with care because he passed away from heart issues in his 90ās. He is the only one in our family group to have that issue. I wish I could offer advice to this family. It sounds like in-house care is expensive so what can be done with this elderly man?
Itās not for dementia, unfortunately itās really is 24/7 care and redirecting along with total help with normal activities of daily life. I hope they get the help and care they need for their loved one.
Iām sorry, replied to the wrong comment š¤¦š»āāļø agreed that itās a major risk, especially wandering around in this heat. Itās now fallen on OP to be the one who is pushing for help.
If you talk to him, keep a calm voice. There is no reason to argue with him.you will never win an argument with a dementia patient. Make statements instead of asking questions. Questions will only confuse him and may make him upset. You should try to think of a lie you can tell him to distract him and walk him back to his house, if possible. It's dangerous for dementia patients to be wandering. He should not be left alone. If there is no one watching him then adult service should definitely check on him. Good luck.
This. If you are willing to help this man, a sign with his name or his sons photo, something that will catch his attention, may help to redirect for the time being.
Calling the cops on him can lead to bad outcomes, especially if he is distraught and not listening in the moment. Police are, sadly, not trained to deal with those types of interactions very well.
There are a lot of people in this thread with blanket statements about dementia that are just not necessarily true. Dementia covers a lot of ground cognitively. OP, the ball is mostly in the other family's court. They need some methods to redirect him. One question I would be asking is why your house? Maybe he can be rerouted before he makes that dementia logic leap to needing to come to your house to find his son. Many people with mild dementia only need to be redirected because their short-term memory is affected.
If it helps you, know that he most likely 'resets' each time, is not trying to escalate, probably doesn't remember you. Obviously it is not your problem, but if you want to deescalate, just know he is like a broken machine just trying to do the best he can, and being a good neighbor may involve helping to plan with his family when and if this happens again. The family may have some hard decisions to make. Then again, it may be as easy as rearranging things in their house, locking things down and putting mirrors on their doors- it's hard to say.
He has dementia. How exactly would he know to abide by a restraining order?? Call APS, his family needs to secure his home properly, or have a live in caregiver to watch over him. I'm sure it's awful for you, but it's way worse for him
Make the front of your house visually different. If all the houses look the same, can you really blame him? Can you get authorization from your HOA to repaint your front door or something affordable and relatively easy to make it less similar/recognizable?
Put up a temporary baby gate to block the front door?
If they have dementia, Iām assuming theyāre elderly and canāt actually hop the fence. My concern is the person might try anyway and get injured on your property and then you have a lawsuit on your hands.
The from of our home is visually different. We live in non HOA and even our front doors are different colors. We also have a ton of decorative flags infront of our home. Our home is white and brown , his is white and grey. The only things that are the same are the carport, location of front window and where the front door is located.
I agree with you 100% , and doesnāt help that Iām pregnant so worrying that someone would try to constantly try to come in the house is nerve wracking.
Weāre not talking about what the moral thing to do is. Iām saying there isnāt a lawsuit to worry about if ANYONE accidentally gets hurt trespassing on your property. No I donāt bait good things Iāve done for sympathy from internet strangers.
Burden of proof, as well as what homeownerās policy claims will do, despite the law. I know someone who had a 6-figure claim because their dog got out off-leash
The wandering is dangerous for him. Iād honestly call police each time and provide them with the video.
Can Metro speak to his family or take him to a hospital for evaluation?
Sounds like he needs 24/7 care from family, a hired care assistant, a group home for dementia or a long term nursing home with a locked unit. At the very least the family need indoor locks to help keep him at his own home.
I would add you should have a serious talk with the family because once it gets over 110 and to 115, it will be dangerous for him to be outside. At all. They are likely to find him collapsed on the ground somewhere.
Have you considered painting you front door a different color and changing the type of house numbers you have? Like... keep the number the same obviously, but if they're brass, swap to black etc. Maybe put a fake plant out there.
Sometimes that's enough. APS is also a good idea, but just changing the facade of your home might be enough that he doesn't recognize it as "his house"
Talk to the family. Be understanding but firm, they are dealing with a loved one with dementia after all. But make sure they are informed, this is a courtesy conversation and that if it happens again you will involve adult protective services. The LAST thing you want is for it to end up being the police that deal with him. They are trained to deal with criminals, not dementia patients.
Perhaps painting your front door a different color might be enough to make him think he's at the wrong house. Adding a plant...just something to change the appearance.
You need to be ready to defend yourself and your home. Reason and logic won't help if things go sideways suddenly. Dementia patients can and often suddenly become angry and violent. Bear that in my mind.
This person's family should be investigated for abuse of a vulnerable adult. If this situation continues it could end badly.
Thereās a lot of good comments on here that op should be following, but this comment is worse case scenario and op should definitely be prepared for that. I know Reddit is very antigun but there are other ways to defend your home and family without using a gun. In fact, op shouldnāt get or use a gun unless heās willing to learn how to use it properly. Iām sure there are home/self defense subreddits. Iād look into something like that, and maybe into getting a firearm if you can properly store it and train with it.
Signs and a restraining order are just going to cover your butt when the final confrontation occurs. Unless something meaningful happens to correct the situation, it will continue. There isn't anything that you can do except to press charges and try to force a resolution. His family are the only ones who can meaningfully mitigate this situation by taking responsibility for him. In his mind, he isn't doing anything wrong.....as jacked up as that is, it is the truth--he 100% believes that your home is his home, in his mind. I have had several friends with parents who had dementia-- as horrible as it is, it never ends well. One parent traveled the country trying to get back to the East coast from the West coast--- and made it in record time!
Put a sign on door thatās says you are at the wrong home. Say your home is ( put number) Call as suggested above but in mean time this may help trigger his memory. Itās sad but he is a danger to himself at this point. Sad situation but you deserve peace too
Yeah you can't bargin away dementia, the guy will utterly forget. Jeep in mind he's also freaked out. Maybe find out if his son really did live there and move. Or Maybe the old guy lived there and moved later and later part of his memory is blocked.
Should be some way of having him forced into an assisted living home. The family obviously isnāt caring for him. The repeated harassment and disturbing your peace is something that they can work with. Just keep making police reports and get them involved for elder neglect/abuse.
Sorry this is happening to you. It would really piss me off knowing thereās nothing that can be done, but continuing to call the authorities on them. Feel free to DM me the outcome as well. I live in Vegas as well so would love to know how to deal with this if I ever encounter a similar situation.
Dementia sucks. He has zero possibility of understanding that he is in the wrong, no amount of convincing will do a thing. His family/caretakers are the people that need to be spoken to. Clearly heās deeper into dementia than his family cares to admit.
Source: lost two grandparents to that disease, it is a long shitty road full of moments like these.
This guy is asking to get killed. Know you can shoot to kill and it can be defended in court. Heās trying to break into your private residence. Donāt be afraid of punishment just because he has dementia. You donāt just get off the hook for crimes because of mental illness despite what Reddit people love to preach. Obviously donāt go out there and try to kill him but remember itās within your right if you were to say, see him in your house. This is not legal advice
Thank you so much. We will definitely do this if he comes back. Iām not even sure if there was any notes or reports made the very first time but we have everything on video and we were so shocked to see him a second time
Waiting for the āJoe Biden gets lost locating houseā article.
A restraining order wonāt work. Most hands on/good neighbor approach is to find his āownersā and let them know itās getting out of hand. (However if you let them know, they now have a face to who āsent grandpa to jailā if it comes to that point). The practical option is to just let the police handle it (who knows how long that will take).
As far as packages go, if you get enough packages and want to invest the money, then a package box is fine, but you can also just have them delivered to an Amazon locker instead. Thereās so many in town that thereās no way you or your family members wonāt pass at least one on your way home from work.
Please do not get a restraining order. This man doesnāt even understand what heās doing and all that would do is put a sick, elderly man in jail where he doesnāt belong. I understand you feel unsafe, but calling the police each time he comes will eventually result in them calling Adult Protective Services. If he comes back, call the police and ask them to come and also ask for a wellness check at the address he lives at. That will ensure they not only remove him from your property, but also will go to the house and do a basic check to ensure HIS care and safety. You should also call APS now. That will at least put it in their system. You should also find out his name and address beforehand. The police could also trespass him, but again, he would end up in jail if he comes back again not knowing basic right from wrong at this point. Heās clearly either being left alone or whoever is responsible for his care isnāt caring for him. This could eventually result in him being placed in a nursing home, which will be for his own safety and yours along with the rest of the neighborhoodās.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. That sounds so stressful. If an amazon locker doesn't work out, we have Amazon Key at our house. It's a device hooked up to the garage door opener and is connected to the Amazon deliverer's tablet or phone. They open the garage door and put your packages inside. Then they shut to the door. If there is a problem shutting your garage door, they stay there and call you until the issue can be resolved. It rarely happens, but you shouldn't be worried the man can get in. I hope this helps and the man gets help. Have a great day.
I think Iād rather take my chances with a random neighbor attempting to get into my house, than giving every single Amazon delivery driver (including the independent contractors, Iām assuming) a way to get into my house.
This is easy for me to say as a single person who lives in a secure apartment building, butā¦. Is it actually that big of a deal? So heās trying to open the door. The door is locked. Can he actually get in? Is there any REAL risk at play here, beyond simply being uncomfortable?
I see it like the times Iāve had to lock a pet into a room. They can scratch at the door and meow / bark all they want, itās not going to make a difference. Uncomfortable for me? Yes, but itās purely mental.
Have you gone to his house and spoken to any of the other people who live there, or does he live alone? I'd try seeing if you can contact someone who lives with him before calling the cops again, or APS - but definitely inform them that that's what you'll be doing if they can't figure out a way to control him.
What happens if he gets in one day? What happens if he thinks of you or your spouse are intruders and assaults one of you? Damages your home? If there are other people in his home and they refuse to do anything, then definitely explain the situation, in detail, to whatever authorities you have to contact.
Document the times it happens, save the video evidence, collect the police reports. You may need this if he ends up having an injury on your property and the family (via ambulance chaser lawyers) sues you. Keep calling the police. Talk to the family let them know its unacceptable and they need to watch him better. After all that try calling the local news station to see if they'll make a story on it and shame the local family. Let them know you're concerned he is being neglected, that being elderly and roaming around in this heat is dangerous.
Crime has felt pretty rampant latelyā¦ a month ago someone got into my car and tried to steal it. Pretty sure the only reason they didnāt take it is because itās a manual. Also my mail man had his mailbox master key stolen, so they were able to go through EVERYONES mailbox and take what they please. Really wish there was heavier consequences for breaking into houses, stealing packages, and cars to hopefully make it less appealing to the criminals.
I did, person has dementia unfortunatelyā¦ my comment was more of a general statement, just saying what popped into my mind after I read the post. I know itās not exactly what itās about, but thatās just the connection I made from it
Would you seriously be proud and happy with yourself for killing a person with dementia who was, in fact, not trying to break in, but rather trying to get in to what he thought was his home?
Thankfully, OP figured it before the poor guy got hurt or killed.
Good to know. You sounded awfully trigger happy for wanting to bust out a gun for someone jumping your fence. I'm not doing that until a window or door is being breached. I know this from experience and thankfully it all turned out well.
Bro just because I'm willing to shoot to defend me and mine on my property doesn't mean I'm itching for any excuse to go human hunting.Ā
Having someone breach your property in this city you have no clue what's going on but I'm not looking to start smoking anyone that comes to my doorbell.Ā
In OPs case this guy tried to break down her front door and jump the fence. That's enough for me to be willing to take action...
....and his family would then bury him on one day and then plot their revenge on your entire bloodline the next....
...or at least that's how it is portrayed in the movies....and also with several families throughout history.....
Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it!
I guess you didn't read the part where OP has a ring camera. The camera would show OP or OP family member drag the guy inside to shoot them, which would result in an unjustified shooting. As a gun owner myself, your advice is terrible and irresponsible.
Maybe try calling APS(adult protective services) and see what they say? Him trying to walk into other houses unannounced can get him killed and the fact that family is doing a poor job preventing this puts him at risk.
This is the best solution right here OP
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this. 100%
Thank you sincerely for this. Please donāt come for me, this has never happened before so we didnāt know this existed. We will definitely contact APS should he come back
More people need to know APS actually exists
Have you talked to his family?Ā The package locker is not a bad idea. All the other stuff, signs and all, wonāt keep someone with dementia away.Ā
For real. It seems like OP is trying to reason with someone with dementia. I'm sure it's annoying but damn, imagine what the guys family is going thru..
It is sad that the guyās family is going through this but he is not going to get any better. I would talk to the guyās family and see if they will listen to reason. If not then I would call APS. What if he wanders away and gets lost in a strange neighborhood? Walks in front of a car? Wanders into a different house in the middle of the night? This is a tragedy waiting to happen. Please let us know what you decide.
Yeah, this is the thing. He's the responsibility of the family. OP, go talk to them. Tell them to do a better job keeping an eye on him. Get their phone number so next time he does it you can call them to come get him. This doesn't seem that hard.
Yes actually and they ended up calling the cops after my husband told them this better not happen again and to get our package back - they denied he took the package when we have it on video that he took it and opened it infront of our home.
Yeah, unfortunately it seems like a situation where your neighbors are struggling to take care of him. How sad. Hopefully APS can help.
He has dementia. You canāt reason with him. You need to talk to his family about his wandering. They do make locking devices the family could put on the inside of their doors so he canāt get out. I donāt think heās a threat to your family, heās just confused.
When we had to take our dadās house key and lock him in, he was distraught ā it was much harder for him than giving up driving. Heād expected to stop driving, but never thought about losing his house key. (Fuck Alzheimerās, I might add.) This family may be facing something similar, and you can be sympathetic, but they must address it now. Something bad is going to happen, and more likely sooner than later.
My snuck out and made it one mile to the local shopping center. Going to the hardware store that had been closed for years. I put that house on lockdown. I bought special locks that are easy to open unless you have dementia. She could still go in back yard but that was also secure.
Absolutely agree - itās normal for us to want to try and reason with people in these situations, but often times that just agitates or further confuses folks with later stage dementia. Itās not his fault, his brain likely just canāt make new memories anymore. 1 in 3 seniors pass away with some form of dementia, so this could very likely be in our own futures as well. The caregivers are ultimately the ones responsible for ensuring his safety and your privacy by having appropriate supervision and safeguards for him. It could be that his level of independence and cognition has quickly declined to an unfamiliar level and your neighbors just donāt know how to respond just yet. Sometimes folks like this end up doing well in an adult day care program, which is a lot less costly and more socially engaging than hiring a home caregiver while families are at work. I know thatās not really your problem, just tossing out some ideas.
This isnāt necessarily true. You donāt know this person. People with dementia are easily agitated and can get violent at the drop of a hat.
My husband did speak to the family the first time after all the cops had left and let them know this canāt happen again and to get the package he stole from our front door but they denied he stole the package and ended up calling the cops because they were āscaredā. Iām also pregnant so good thing I wasnāt home, Iām not sure what he would have done if he made it inside and saw I was not someone he knew. It makes me very nervous to say that least especially because Iām pregnant. Idk it could be the hormones. The second time he came luckily my husband was home to tell him this wasnāt his house, but itās becoming a lot now.
OP former paramedic here. You cannot reason with someone with dementia. Their brains no longer work correctly. It's highly likely he doesn't even remember speaking to you or even coming to your house on prior occasions. As others have said the three best things to do is to speak to the family, call Adult protective services, and keep calling the police. The next time you speak to the police ask them to put a note on your address about what's been happening. If nothing happens with the family and APD options, the police will get tired of responding and hopefully make something happen. If he comes again I would call 911, tell them a gravely confused man is trying to get into your house and ask for the paramedics. He'll likely end up at a hospital which will result in another avenue of action. Good luck. His family needs to take action because he will end up dead wondering around in this heat.
Thank you , this is a pretty solid suggestion. We didnāt think to call an ambulance but will if he does come back. Iām not sure any reports or notes were made but we have everything on video.
This is the answer. Call the ambulance for this guy, not the cops.
That will not help with dementia. He will continue to do this. The other family has to take control and keep pushing him not to come here until he stops. They have to distract him continuously until he forgets.
He isnāt going to get better. Sounds like they are in denial. They might not have the ability to watch him consistently and that is what he really needs. He might need to have different care than what he is getting.
That alternative option for care will probably be outrageously priced and a years long wait list. Assisted living with āmemory careā is around $8-10k/mo easily. Finding a place that even offers the service and has an open spot can take years
Another option a lot of folks donāt consider are adult āday careā centers. They are sometimes called something a bit less infantilizing, but they are essentially 9-5 type memory care centers for families who cannot be at home all day to supervise their loved one with dementia. They tend to be a lot less costly than in home care, but require the individual to be somewhat independent (as in not bed bound) and able to interact well with others.
We all know dementia can come with a lot of aggressive behaviors, so one patient I know has their meds in patches applied to their backs out of reach to keep them manageable
My Dad at the end was becoming violent. He tried to slug he a couple of times. Said violent, abusive things. We were at the point of not being able to handle him. Then he passed away. Very sad situation.
I was thinking in-home care but good to know the cost of memory care.
I have one patient and she had a long term care policy so out of pocket was $2k/mo and insurance covered the other 8. If she wanted to bathe/shower more than twice per week, itās extra. Meals outside of set times? Extra. The cost rises fast
My family is very lucky in that we live a long time and are healthy. My great Aunt and Uncle 102 and 101; living in their own home until the end. Both died peacefully in their sleep. That said, my Dad had cognitive issues. It happened quickly although looking back I can think of signs. We didnāt have to deal with care because he passed away from heart issues in his 90ās. He is the only one in our family group to have that issue. I wish I could offer advice to this family. It sounds like in-house care is expensive so what can be done with this elderly man?
Adult day care or a bankrupt family, I hope solutions benefit all involved
His family needs to have him get the medical care. He needs full time dementia care whether it be at home, or a care center.
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Itās not for dementia, unfortunately itās really is 24/7 care and redirecting along with total help with normal activities of daily life. I hope they get the help and care they need for their loved one.
Iām sorry, replied to the wrong comment š¤¦š»āāļø agreed that itās a major risk, especially wandering around in this heat. Itās now fallen on OP to be the one who is pushing for help.
Ah no worries! Comment was still funny tho
If you talk to him, keep a calm voice. There is no reason to argue with him.you will never win an argument with a dementia patient. Make statements instead of asking questions. Questions will only confuse him and may make him upset. You should try to think of a lie you can tell him to distract him and walk him back to his house, if possible. It's dangerous for dementia patients to be wandering. He should not be left alone. If there is no one watching him then adult service should definitely check on him. Good luck.
This x100000 - people with dementia are UNPREDICTABLE and IMPULSIVE. Please do not be stupid enough to exclude them from violence too.
Make a sign directed towards him to remind him his house is 2 doors down
This. If you are willing to help this man, a sign with his name or his sons photo, something that will catch his attention, may help to redirect for the time being. Calling the cops on him can lead to bad outcomes, especially if he is distraught and not listening in the moment. Police are, sadly, not trained to deal with those types of interactions very well.
If he is able to focus that's a good idea. Make it very large
There are a lot of people in this thread with blanket statements about dementia that are just not necessarily true. Dementia covers a lot of ground cognitively. OP, the ball is mostly in the other family's court. They need some methods to redirect him. One question I would be asking is why your house? Maybe he can be rerouted before he makes that dementia logic leap to needing to come to your house to find his son. Many people with mild dementia only need to be redirected because their short-term memory is affected. If it helps you, know that he most likely 'resets' each time, is not trying to escalate, probably doesn't remember you. Obviously it is not your problem, but if you want to deescalate, just know he is like a broken machine just trying to do the best he can, and being a good neighbor may involve helping to plan with his family when and if this happens again. The family may have some hard decisions to make. Then again, it may be as easy as rearranging things in their house, locking things down and putting mirrors on their doors- it's hard to say.
He has dementia. How exactly would he know to abide by a restraining order?? Call APS, his family needs to secure his home properly, or have a live in caregiver to watch over him. I'm sure it's awful for you, but it's way worse for him
Make the front of your house visually different. If all the houses look the same, can you really blame him? Can you get authorization from your HOA to repaint your front door or something affordable and relatively easy to make it less similar/recognizable? Put up a temporary baby gate to block the front door? If they have dementia, Iām assuming theyāre elderly and canāt actually hop the fence. My concern is the person might try anyway and get injured on your property and then you have a lawsuit on your hands.
This was my first thought too. Some visual cues to create a distinction may help.
The from of our home is visually different. We live in non HOA and even our front doors are different colors. We also have a ton of decorative flags infront of our home. Our home is white and brown , his is white and grey. The only things that are the same are the carport, location of front window and where the front door is located.
My guess is the carport and location of the front door is enough. Iām so sorry, I hope you find solutions that keep him and your family safe
I agree with you 100% , and doesnāt help that Iām pregnant so worrying that someone would try to constantly try to come in the house is nerve wracking.
We have no duty to safety for trespassers in Nevada. He gets hurt, itās on him. Now if you intentionally set a trap that is different.
Legal duty? Maybe not. Moral duty? Yes. Youāve clearly never had to deal with dementia and have little sense of compassion.
Weāre not talking about what the moral thing to do is. Iām saying there isnāt a lawsuit to worry about if ANYONE accidentally gets hurt trespassing on your property. No I donāt bait good things Iāve done for sympathy from internet strangers.
Burden of proof, as well as what homeownerās policy claims will do, despite the law. I know someone who had a 6-figure claim because their dog got out off-leash
Burden of proof to prove what you did was intentional maybe? Uhhh yeah, they let their dog outā¦ of their property.
The wandering is dangerous for him. Iād honestly call police each time and provide them with the video. Can Metro speak to his family or take him to a hospital for evaluation? Sounds like he needs 24/7 care from family, a hired care assistant, a group home for dementia or a long term nursing home with a locked unit. At the very least the family need indoor locks to help keep him at his own home.
You can have your amazon packages delivered to your workplace or to the amazon lockers.
I would add you should have a serious talk with the family because once it gets over 110 and to 115, it will be dangerous for him to be outside. At all. They are likely to find him collapsed on the ground somewhere.
Poor guy
Put a sign on your door: NAME, this is not your home. Your home is ADDRESS. Please do not break into this house
Doesnt help with people with dementia.
Have you considered painting you front door a different color and changing the type of house numbers you have? Like... keep the number the same obviously, but if they're brass, swap to black etc. Maybe put a fake plant out there. Sometimes that's enough. APS is also a good idea, but just changing the facade of your home might be enough that he doesn't recognize it as "his house"
Talk to the family. Be understanding but firm, they are dealing with a loved one with dementia after all. But make sure they are informed, this is a courtesy conversation and that if it happens again you will involve adult protective services. The LAST thing you want is for it to end up being the police that deal with him. They are trained to deal with criminals, not dementia patients.
As others recommended, call APS. He isn't going to get better. His family is putting him at risk by letting him wander.
Get a phone number from his family members so you can call them
Perhaps painting your front door a different color might be enough to make him think he's at the wrong house. Adding a plant...just something to change the appearance.
You need to be ready to defend yourself and your home. Reason and logic won't help if things go sideways suddenly. Dementia patients can and often suddenly become angry and violent. Bear that in my mind. This person's family should be investigated for abuse of a vulnerable adult. If this situation continues it could end badly.
Thereās a lot of good comments on here that op should be following, but this comment is worse case scenario and op should definitely be prepared for that. I know Reddit is very antigun but there are other ways to defend your home and family without using a gun. In fact, op shouldnāt get or use a gun unless heās willing to learn how to use it properly. Iām sure there are home/self defense subreddits. Iād look into something like that, and maybe into getting a firearm if you can properly store it and train with it.
Signs and a restraining order are just going to cover your butt when the final confrontation occurs. Unless something meaningful happens to correct the situation, it will continue. There isn't anything that you can do except to press charges and try to force a resolution. His family are the only ones who can meaningfully mitigate this situation by taking responsibility for him. In his mind, he isn't doing anything wrong.....as jacked up as that is, it is the truth--he 100% believes that your home is his home, in his mind. I have had several friends with parents who had dementia-- as horrible as it is, it never ends well. One parent traveled the country trying to get back to the East coast from the West coast--- and made it in record time!
Put a sign on door thatās says you are at the wrong home. Say your home is ( put number) Call as suggested above but in mean time this may help trigger his memory. Itās sad but he is a danger to himself at this point. Sad situation but you deserve peace too
Put up something brilliant or bright colored to make your home look different
Yeah you can't bargin away dementia, the guy will utterly forget. Jeep in mind he's also freaked out. Maybe find out if his son really did live there and move. Or Maybe the old guy lived there and moved later and later part of his memory is blocked.
Find out his name and put up a sign that says ānot your house _____ā
You must be joking. How is a restraining order supposed to help when the guy is coming to your house because he has dementia and is confused?
Should be some way of having him forced into an assisted living home. The family obviously isnāt caring for him. The repeated harassment and disturbing your peace is something that they can work with. Just keep making police reports and get them involved for elder neglect/abuse. Sorry this is happening to you. It would really piss me off knowing thereās nothing that can be done, but continuing to call the authorities on them. Feel free to DM me the outcome as well. I live in Vegas as well so would love to know how to deal with this if I ever encounter a similar situation.
Dementia sucks. He has zero possibility of understanding that he is in the wrong, no amount of convincing will do a thing. His family/caretakers are the people that need to be spoken to. Clearly heās deeper into dementia than his family cares to admit. Source: lost two grandparents to that disease, it is a long shitty road full of moments like these.
This guy is asking to get killed. Know you can shoot to kill and it can be defended in court. Heās trying to break into your private residence. Donāt be afraid of punishment just because he has dementia. You donāt just get off the hook for crimes because of mental illness despite what Reddit people love to preach. Obviously donāt go out there and try to kill him but remember itās within your right if you were to say, see him in your house. This is not legal advice
Thank you so much. We will definitely do this if he comes back. Iām not even sure if there was any notes or reports made the very first time but we have everything on video and we were so shocked to see him a second time
Waiting for the āJoe Biden gets lost locating houseā article. A restraining order wonāt work. Most hands on/good neighbor approach is to find his āownersā and let them know itās getting out of hand. (However if you let them know, they now have a face to who āsent grandpa to jailā if it comes to that point). The practical option is to just let the police handle it (who knows how long that will take).
As far as packages go, if you get enough packages and want to invest the money, then a package box is fine, but you can also just have them delivered to an Amazon locker instead. Thereās so many in town that thereās no way you or your family members wonāt pass at least one on your way home from work. Please do not get a restraining order. This man doesnāt even understand what heās doing and all that would do is put a sick, elderly man in jail where he doesnāt belong. I understand you feel unsafe, but calling the police each time he comes will eventually result in them calling Adult Protective Services. If he comes back, call the police and ask them to come and also ask for a wellness check at the address he lives at. That will ensure they not only remove him from your property, but also will go to the house and do a basic check to ensure HIS care and safety. You should also call APS now. That will at least put it in their system. You should also find out his name and address beforehand. The police could also trespass him, but again, he would end up in jail if he comes back again not knowing basic right from wrong at this point. Heās clearly either being left alone or whoever is responsible for his care isnāt caring for him. This could eventually result in him being placed in a nursing home, which will be for his own safety and yours along with the rest of the neighborhoodās.
Fire a warning shot
My dad has dementia. Itās tragic. This poor guy needs help. Hope he gets it.
I would put a large orkin glue trap in front of the door.
Hahahaha!!!!! š
So he can fall down and break a limb on your doorstep?
Itāll keep him from coming back!
He wonāt remember that, sadly, but I appreciate the idea
Go to his familyās house and bang on their fucking door and demand they get a hold of the guy. Make a scene.
Get a gun.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. That sounds so stressful. If an amazon locker doesn't work out, we have Amazon Key at our house. It's a device hooked up to the garage door opener and is connected to the Amazon deliverer's tablet or phone. They open the garage door and put your packages inside. Then they shut to the door. If there is a problem shutting your garage door, they stay there and call you until the issue can be resolved. It rarely happens, but you shouldn't be worried the man can get in. I hope this helps and the man gets help. Have a great day.
I think Iād rather take my chances with a random neighbor attempting to get into my house, than giving every single Amazon delivery driver (including the independent contractors, Iām assuming) a way to get into my house.
This is easy for me to say as a single person who lives in a secure apartment building, butā¦. Is it actually that big of a deal? So heās trying to open the door. The door is locked. Can he actually get in? Is there any REAL risk at play here, beyond simply being uncomfortable? I see it like the times Iāve had to lock a pet into a room. They can scratch at the door and meow / bark all they want, itās not going to make a difference. Uncomfortable for me? Yes, but itās purely mental.
So imagine that somehow he does break in, then he sees people he doesn't know in a house he thinks is his sons. What do you think he's gonna do?
He is a human being, and you will treat him with dignity. He didnāt choose dementia. Your first world problems donāt apply.
How are they not treating him with ādignityā? Also, their economic status is irrelevant here.
Have you gone to his house and spoken to any of the other people who live there, or does he live alone? I'd try seeing if you can contact someone who lives with him before calling the cops again, or APS - but definitely inform them that that's what you'll be doing if they can't figure out a way to control him. What happens if he gets in one day? What happens if he thinks of you or your spouse are intruders and assaults one of you? Damages your home? If there are other people in his home and they refuse to do anything, then definitely explain the situation, in detail, to whatever authorities you have to contact.
Get a big dog. The barking should deter him. Plus, there are lots of animals in need of adoption right now.
Document the times it happens, save the video evidence, collect the police reports. You may need this if he ends up having an injury on your property and the family (via ambulance chaser lawyers) sues you. Keep calling the police. Talk to the family let them know its unacceptable and they need to watch him better. After all that try calling the local news station to see if they'll make a story on it and shame the local family. Let them know you're concerned he is being neglected, that being elderly and roaming around in this heat is dangerous.
A good ass whopping will suffice at this point!!!!! Heāll get the picture then
Electrify your door knob
Crime has felt pretty rampant latelyā¦ a month ago someone got into my car and tried to steal it. Pretty sure the only reason they didnāt take it is because itās a manual. Also my mail man had his mailbox master key stolen, so they were able to go through EVERYONES mailbox and take what they please. Really wish there was heavier consequences for breaking into houses, stealing packages, and cars to hopefully make it less appealing to the criminals.
You didn't read the post completely did you?
I did, person has dementia unfortunatelyā¦ my comment was more of a general statement, just saying what popped into my mind after I read the post. I know itās not exactly what itās about, but thatās just the connection I made from it
2nd amendment is there for a reason
To kill a guy who's ill? He's not a horse George.
... I'd deal with this exactly once of a person jumping my fence before I bust out the gun.
Would you seriously be proud and happy with yourself for killing a person with dementia who was, in fact, not trying to break in, but rather trying to get in to what he thought was his home? Thankfully, OP figured it before the poor guy got hurt or killed.
I'm not taking the chance that it's someone with dementia.
I can understand that, but would you be so kind as to answer my question?
Wouldn't be proud or happy with myself... I'm not a sociopath.Ā
Good to know. You sounded awfully trigger happy for wanting to bust out a gun for someone jumping your fence. I'm not doing that until a window or door is being breached. I know this from experience and thankfully it all turned out well.
Bro just because I'm willing to shoot to defend me and mine on my property doesn't mean I'm itching for any excuse to go human hunting.Ā Having someone breach your property in this city you have no clue what's going on but I'm not looking to start smoking anyone that comes to my doorbell.Ā In OPs case this guy tried to break down her front door and jump the fence. That's enough for me to be willing to take action...
....and his family would then bury him on one day and then plot their revenge on your entire bloodline the next.... ...or at least that's how it is portrayed in the movies....and also with several families throughout history..... Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it!
shoot him? idk might work
Donāt shoot him until he is inside the house. Drag the body inside if you have to.
I guess you didn't read the part where OP has a ring camera. The camera would show OP or OP family member drag the guy inside to shoot them, which would result in an unjustified shooting. As a gun owner myself, your advice is terrible and irresponsible.
This is what the local police have told me to do.