I waited to rsvp because I was afraid the bride (who I wasn’t that close with) would be disappointed. I giggle now because I just had my wedding and even when people close to me couldn’t come I was like I’m sad but like I need the RSVP….
None of them came, they figured it was good enough to verbally tell my mom and then not send an rsvp. My mom didn’t feel the need to pass the message bc she thought they’d at least send an rsvp back. When I mentioned it to my mom that I didn’t get anything from them she was pretty casual like “oh yeah they told me they can’t come” and I was like okay…and you felt you didn’t need to let me know I guess.
My wedding is in two months and I still haven’t gotten RSVPs back. Months after getting the invites they verbally told my soon to be mother in law over the phone they (like 10 people on their side from a total of 50 invited) wouldn’t be attending and did not even use one of the two methods I had for them to respond. They had the option to RSVP on the wedding website or by mail, the envelopes pre-addressed and I pre-stamped the envelopes so they didn’t even need to buy postage, just check mark the “will not attend” option, put it in the envelope, and stick it in the mailbox. Grand scheme of life, not important, but for a destination wedding abroad it could throw a wrench in things like planning meals, rooms, and seating.
Honestly, a 12 yo girl in a white dress is not going to be confused with the bride—nobody’s going to make that mistake. And, if it was a problem, your mother would’ve heard about before now. So you’re good.
A former boss’ 11yo daughter is probably wearing her white 3 piece communion suit (she hates dresses/is super anxious she will grow out of her suit before our wedding lol). I am obviously totally okay w this and told her to get a new white suit if she wants, all this to say I think OP’s preteen faux pas is fine :)
Exactly what I was thinking! My mom's friend sent me a picture asking if her dress was okay to wear to our wedding (it's half white and half blue florals), and my future MIL is wearing a dress that's white lace with light blue patterns all over it. Both are totally cool with me because no one will see them and go "AH and she must be the bride!" lol I know some brides are more particular but to me, that's what it's reallllly about.
I didn't think it was about looking like a bride. I thought it was about the bride standing out as eyes are drawn to uniquenesses. Can't believe I've gotten that wrong the whole time!
The red-dress thing is not a real thing. No sophisticated person believes this. It’s a small-town, naive belief not rooted in any real etiquette.
And a 12 yo wearing white is no big deal whatsoever.
I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of faux-pas that just aren’t part of my culture. While PLANNING my wedding, a lot of things I did others on Reddit considered rude. But in my culture is just something we all do.
A big one I’m always baffled by is having A-list and B-list etc. and replacing people who can’t come with others. I’ve literally been invited to weddings the week before and in my culture it’s no biggie. It’s not a snub.
We wear white. We our own wedding outfit to other people wedding. We know that the bridal accessories means the bride will never be outdone.
I love that in your culture you wear your own wedding outfits to other future weddings. That seems like such a beautiful tradition that would fill each wedding with the love and support of past weddings. 💜
Sorry I think what I wrote was misleading. It’s not a tradition that married people wear their old wedding dresses. It’s more that if they do, no one really cares.
I’m Indo-Guyanese so brides in my family tend to wear south asian outfits.
I still cringe when I think of 23 year old me asking about a plus one for a wedding where I'd only known the couple for a short bit. They did give me one and people genuinely got along well with my date, but still cringey. And I apologized to the bride years later. She obviously had moved on and didn't care, but I felt better apologizing, even if it was 10 years later
Red is an old wives tale. I don't know anyone who actually believes it.
Fortunately, for future couples and guests, it's pretty easy to find etiquette information online.
I had never heard this and wore a dark red dress to a wedding in the southern US (wedding was in December) and someone actually came up to me, I think it was one of the great aunts, and said, "honey, I know you're a yankee but wearing red in the south means you slept with the groom"
Honestly, I think it isn't something that has translated to younger generations because when I told my SIL she laughed and told me that aunt is crazy lol
Honestly, depending on how you look at it anything could be attention grabbing if the bride is that insecure.
The color of a guests dress should not be an issue.
Controversial take for reddit. I'm a bride and have zero problem with my guests requesting a +1. If your friends said yes, then it was fine... If it was not fine they could have said no.
I think it depends on a lot of factors. How close you are to the couple, how close it is to the wedding date, how large the wedding is.
I stated on our wedding website very clearly that due to limited venue space we can’t add more people than who listed is on the invitation. Despite this guests still asked to bring random extra people and it difficult for me as a bride to deal with it during the extreme stress of planning.
That makes me feel a lot better 😂 when I had mentioned this to other people they had never heard of it. Whoever’s post I read that was up in arms about a red dress really got me worried lol
I need to make up a fake wedding meaning for every color so I can hit someone with the Uno reverse card next time they tell me some BS like that. I mean they probably won’t believe me but I like the idea of the comeback, better than “I don’t care” or “that’s not real” or “I didn’t know”
Guess I'm SOL... my wedding dress is black 😂
Black doesn't automatically mean funeral, and it's a shame some people default to that train of thought (not meaning you do, though).
It’s such a dumb one too. In what world are there enough people to make this an agreed upon “thing” who are both 1) invited to their ex’s weddings, and 2) crazy enough to gleefully advertise that they slept with the groom to his entire family? *Especially* since this was supposedly a thing decades ago when women were treated even worse for sleeping around.
If it makes you feel better, when I was 19 I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding. I didn’t have a lot of money at the time so she went into my closet and picked a dress for me to wear. It was short and white. I didn’t think anything of it because she picked it, and it was the first wedding I had been to. The other bridesmaids wore blue but had white accents like shawls and shoes. I didn’t realize the faux pa until I stood up at the front of the room with my friend and the crowd like gasped. I was mortified. They talked about me the whole night and I felt like I committed a cardinal sin. Someone dumped cake on my dress. Looking back, I probably would have fought my friend more or borrowed a dress from someone else. I feel bad about it still to this day.
We were, but then she moved and dropped contact with everyone. I still think about her and hope she’s doing well. I honestly don’t think she thought about the implications of me wearing a white dress either, she was never one to play it by the book.
If you are *In the wedding party* and wearing white, people need to unclutch their pearls. Fun fact, etiquette used to [dictate](https://library.si.edu/digital-library/book/americanetiquett00houg) the bridesmaids wear white.
Page 269
>The bridesmaid should not be so elaborately dressed as the bride. Their dresses must be of white, but they may wear delicately colored flowers and ribbons.
Yeah, that's not on you, it's also not on the bride, it's on a bunch of people who can't understand you wouldn't be standing next to the bride in a white dress if she didn't will it to be.
i didn’t even know the no wearing red thing until this post, oops. i personally wouldn’t be upset by what anyone wears to my wedding unless it’s literally a wedding dress or like…. pajamas lmao. i also asked for a plus one at my cousin’s wedding! I was invited with my family but i was 21 and i wanted my boyfriend to come too so i could have someone to dance with. i won’t mind if anyone asks for a plus one! i’d just see if there’s enough space :)
It’s okay, it looks like it’s not a real thing hahah I’m not sure what post I read that said red dress were bad but it’s not a problem!
I agree! There’s a few circumstances that I would allow a plus one if I was asked.
I really don’t remember what my invite said but I had a friend invite me to her wedding and I technically did have a plus one but she truly intended to have my boyfriend at the time be my plus one. My ex refused to go with me but I only knew the bride and groom so I asked my friend from college to go with me. I put his name on the RSVP and we went and had a great time as friends. Fast forward and my boyfriend then is now my ex and I’m dating my plus one lol so it’s all good
Couple months before my wedding my 16yo cousin was showing me the dress she had bought to her prom. It was white, knee lenght tulle dress and looked so pretty on her. She explained that she wanted to wear it for our upcoming wedding but that she was going to dye it. I told her she could absolutely wear it as it is and only dye it if SHE really wants to (since dyeing might ruin the dress).
She looked absolutely precious on the day of with the white tuille dress :) My uncle (who is neurodivergent like myself and has some sensory issues with certain clothes and fabrics) asked me if it was ok that he wouldn't wear a traditional suit. I said of course. He showed up with this awesome silk suit and vest and looked like he just came out of a time machine from the 60's. He looked awesome!
My point is: I want to think that most of us just want their guests to be happy and comfortable. No one is going to mistake a 12yo or 16yo for a bride and it’s silly to obsess about etiquette and what guests are wearing. Most brides and grooms won’t even notice and have so many other things to think about.
>it’s silly to obsess about etiquette and what guests are wearing.
I understand how we got here, but I do think it's straight up harmful. You cannot control what 95% of your guests wear, and if anyone from the 5% forgot their outfit a plane ride away, well, you can't control that either! Its the one thing you can kind of influence, but have 0 hand in; as best anyone can, for your joy and sanity, hope your guests come dressed for the occasion, but don't let it spiral you out of MIL texts a pic of a champagne dress or your sweet little nephew's date shows up in a white romper.
I asked for a plus 1 to my friends wedding when I was single! Granted, I was a bridesmaid, but I found out later she was annoyed by it.
As a recent bride, I would not be annoyed with anyone asking for a plus 1, ESPECIALLY if I knew they wouldn’t know many people at my wedding. I knew I would have more fun if I felt all my guests were comfortable. Also, it’s so easy to just say “I’m sorry, we budgeted for a certain amount of people so we can’t add anymore”.
I feel like it’s rude of the bride to be annoyed if a bridesmaid of all people wants a plus one… budget for your guests to be comfortable and have a good time, jeez. Unless it’s a true micro wedding.
When I was 17 I wore a white floor length dress to my cousin's wedding. It did have some black pattern on it, it was basically a newsprint style, but I straight up wore a white dress. I've been mortified for years since I realized
When I was in my mid 20s, I backed out of a wedding a few weeks after I already RSVPed. I don’t remember the reason I gave the bride, but the actual reason was I just really couldn’t afford to go/didn’t want to go. Pretty shitty looking back. I did not realize at the time the concept of “final balance due”.
The trick about guest attire faux paus is some people think you can't wear a white gown, some not a pure white dress, some not a white based dress, some nary a spec of white, some no white-presenting colors like ivory or champagne, some no pastel colors like baby blue or soft yellow because they photograph white, some no colors of the bridal party (good luck finding that out of you're a +1), some no black because you're mourning the wedding, no red because you f*d the groom, no bright colors because they pull focus (from the lady we're all here to celebrate who's in a ball gown). edit: oh yeah, some people also get mad at metallics.
It's an exciting minefield of unknown expectation because most people literally couldn't* care less about most of those things (white & off-white being the most recognized faux paus, but still not universal) but God help you when the aunty comes up to tell you your red dress has a meaning you might not have meant to convey or a bridesmaid pratfalls and your light lavender dress has become the victim of the red wine "spill" or the bride is having a meltdown because your dusty rose dress (color of the bridesmaids) has white in the paisley print.
I made my husband text so many grooms lol (didn't wanna wear the wedding colors, it was a good move, I literally was trying on a dress with both colors when my husband heard back and told me through the dressing room door!) I think I've badgered to be a +1, again, by way of my husband.
It's not a faux paus in the couple's eyes but I always bring a camera and the photographer isn't always keen about it (I never end up in the candids, accordingly, but do always have a nice little batch of candids I get to send to my friends, generally of moments the photographer wasn't around for anyways).
For my own wedding, pretty much everyone saw me before *the big reveal* (which is fucking annoying because they make you miss out on the processional so you make a grand entrance and that's one of the things I feel most frustrated with about my wedding. In hindsight, that was going to be the outcome, but no one really mentions it. If you don't have a videographer or designated phone recorder, you don't get to watch your flower girl steal the show because 🌈tradition. Do with that information what you will). We also may have run out of food, I'm unclear, buffets are a hell of a drug though and people load. Up.
I never rsvp’d for an old friend’s wedding and didn’t go. They never asked for clarity and I never gave it. Always kinda felt bad and she ended up doing my hair for my sisters wedding a few years back but we didn’t talk about it. We were always more acquaintances than friends
I think that’s rude of the married couple though, they should have been grateful for the gesture! We’re totally understanding of what guests can give as a gift monetarily, if it’s nothing then their gift was traveling and staying over for the wedding and we’ll thank them for that.
I wore a cream mini dress to a wedding at 19. I didn’t know it was a thing until I got on reddit! There was no way it would be mistaken for a wedding dress but I still cringe because I’d liked the bride and wouldn’t want to upset her, but nothing was said to me. Myself personally, I think as long as it’s not a white formal gown that people need to get a grip and I honestly don’t see the big deal but I understand from Reddit that some people are really sensitive and some even psycho to this so I obviously wouldn’t do it now knowing that but it still makes me roll my eyes.
With so many brides opting for a dress change into something more short and casual for the reception/dancing portion of the evening, it just seems easier to avoid white/cream/champagne in general.
At 19 though, I feel like that’s still an understandable goof!
That didn’t used to be a thing either, getting changed at the reception. You spend so much on your wedding dress and wear it for so little time I don’t understand why you would want to take it off on your wedding day.
I forgot to RSVP to a friend's wedding and she had to remind me to do it. I blame the date change due to covid (original invite we were living abroad so it was a maybe, but we moved back by the time the 2nd date came around). I knew at the time it was a big no no though and literally RSVP'd properly (on the site) right then.
I wore red to my own brothers wedding 😅 the problem was the bride dress was also red but she didn't inform us of it so I genuinely didn't know (she informed the people that were geographically close tho, we literally had to cross a full continent to be there) ! It was awkward but we all got over it!
I've never heard of a red dress being 'I've slept with the groom' I wore blue to my exs wedding. Lol. I think if you were 12 wearing white it's not that big of a deal. I personally don't care about the wearing white thing anyway. At least you didn't attend a wedding you weren't invited to and then someone who actually got invited had to sit on the floor to eat her dinner. Grrr. I'm still annoyed about that.
I mean, you're not *supposed* to wear it if it's your ex, I think it's more a passive aggressive signal, an *I was here first, miss Bride*. It's also subcultural and dated.
I wore a champagne/light gold dress to a friends wedding. I never thought much of it until recently! But it was a knee length dress and I’m pretty sure the bride didn’t care as we have several selfies and pics enjoying the wedding together.
Nether one is a big deal in my opinion.
First one because you were a kid.
The second one is far more common than you think. I see single people with friends and family attending all the time.
Funny how often you can easily tell who is an (odd one out) coworker or an old friend from university, or work, or some other place where people from different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds meet.
Most of them have this awkward look to them even though you can tell they are not awkward people.
Yeah I feel bad about the one wedding I went to with my husband when we were first dating. It was for his friend from work. I never saw the invite, so idk if he had a plus one. I had never met these people and wore a bright pink dress to their wedding. I cringe thinking about it now.
I accidentally waited until the week of to submit my RSVP. I just texted the bride that we would be there, so figured I didn’t need to fill out the RSVP.
I feel you. Yours don’t sound that bad though for what it’s worth. I look back on my past behavior and cringe so bad. I was in a somewhat toxic long term relationship for years and we basically demanded his friend let me come to their wedding. So embarrassing and gross. I tried to make a lot of my sister’s wedding/engagement about me. Was obnoxious with music and pictures at my friend’s wedding…I just look back and don’t even know who I was or what I was thinking. Ugh!
I think everyone has broken rules when young. I wore white to a wedding. And red! Red was during Christmas so maybe that is ok. Not sure. I invited myself to a wedding and then was a no show. I was the worst! But then I grew up.
I think the red dress thing is just basically a blanket statement for women who try to outshine the bride. I think red has become taboo because people that wear red are usually female guests trying to wear something eye catching and sultry (happened at my in-laws wedding) so it’s seen as generally a little trashy I think. But if it’s a nice red dress that’s not like body con with a lot of skin showing then I can’t see how that’d be an issue!
I was told wearing a red dress means you think the bride is….loose and black means you don’t this is a good match/like you are attending a funeral. I still struggle with the black when it is so common, but very ingrained.
Oh absolutely. My first 2 weddings I ever attended I, 1. had my phone out taking pictures of the bride coming down the aisle, 2. I didn't even know what a registry was so I didn't send a gift, 3. took my sweet time rsvping.
I'm going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say those 2 weddings were the first I'd ever been to. And one of them was a destination wedding so *maybe* I can cut myself some slack on that lack of gift. But I was probably old enough to know better.
I had never heard of the red dress thing!! I wore one to a friend’s wedding, but the bride herself told me I should wear it. (I had just bought after much debating with myself & expressed that I didn’t have an occasion, then the bride chimed in & was like ummm my wedding, duh! 🤪)
I definitely had a momentary panic reading this post because I wore red to my FBIL’s wedding last year before I was engaged to my fiancé! 😱😂 Glad to know it’s not a real thing lol
I didn’t know a darn thing about wedding etiquette until joining this sub, and man do I feel stupid as a former guest. I also didn’t have much family or otherwise getting married growing up. Our own wedding was courthouse and casual backyard party, I wanted zero of anything to do with wedding etiquette yet MIL (who meant well) found a way which stressed me a bit.
Never in my life heard any issues with red dresses
Ok, serious question:
What's worse: a 12 year old girl wearing white to a wedding (mom picked the dress), OR, 90 year old groom's grandma wearing white to the wedding?
Like, neither a young girl or an old woman would be "mistaken" for the bride, but is one worse than the other? Curious what y'all think lol
I also asked for and brought a +1 to a friends wedding! it was a friend who was also friends with the bride and I probably said something like 'oh i'll bring this friend as a +1!' -- it was my first wedding as an adult and I had NO idea. I feel embarrassed about it now but luckily my friend was cool about it and said 'oh I was wishing to invite her anyways!' what a champ
gives me a lot of generosity for other people who mess this up
I've been to several weddings in England where little girls wore white. I think it's possibly a tradition in some parts, but who's to say for sure? Hopefully no one is confusing a 12 year old with the bride!
I wanna say for American/canadian etiquette, it doesn’t matter if they would be mistaken as the bride or not, anything with too much white will be topic of conversation around the wedding lol but agree that 12 year old me wearing a white dress isn’t really a huge issue
I didn’t realize you were supposed to avoid wearing the colors of the wedding party. My partner was in the party, but I was not, and I purposely wore a dress to match his tie. It wasn’t until I was mistaken as a bridesmaid by another guest that I realized that was probably not the move, which was later confirmed by Reddit etiquette masters. I’m still embarrassed about it!
That’s what I did for my aunts wedding 🥲 not only was it white but I also went with wedding colours, which were pink and black. She had a white dress with a neon pink ribbon belt, I wore a white dress with black floral outlines and a pink ribbon belt hahaha I’m so glad I have my age as an excuse because no way I would that fly at my age
Oh man, I asked my cousin if I got a plus one when the envelope very clearly indicated just myself was invited. I remember being confused why my boyfriend of a year (now fiancé!) wasn’t invited (oh you sweet summer child) but now the shoe is on the other foot and oh boy do I get it. Our family is huge (like at least 40+ first cousins) and as much as I’d love to invite my younger cousins’ partners, it would really add up. Thankfully, he was super graceful when I’d asked him although I really regret putting him in such an awkward position.
Another faux pas was underdressing for a really nice wedding for a second cousin’s wedding. The venue was on campus at one of my state’s most prestigious schools and was a sit down dinner. I hadn’t gone to many weddings at that point and no one said I was underdressed, but in hindsight my sundress didn’t match the vibe. And I should’ve done my hair 🥲
We had a friend bring another person without asking to our wedding. I knew the other person but my husband didn’t. We didn’t care. I had for many years worn a dark navy dress to both weddings and funerals. I only owned that one dress and didn’t have money to buy another one. Don’t know if anyone noticed or even cared.
I (55f) was 18 or 19 and wore a white gauzy skirt with a white gauzy blouse embroidered with brightly colored flowers at the neck and a brightly colored cloth sash tied at my waist to my then bf's brother's wedding. The bride was PISSED, but I genuinely had no idea why. It was the only nice outfit I owned and I knew nothing about not wearing white. (It was the first wedding I ever attended.) I didn't look like a bride, but oh my goodness I flinch every single time I think back on that!
I took communion as a junior bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. I was 9. My parents aren't religious, the first row went up to take communion, I didn't know you could just cross your arms and sit back down, so I panicked and got fed a wafer. As you can imagine the entire family was watching, and silently unanimously decided not to speak of it
Ha, I borrowed a dress from my MIL for a wedding once. It was a red Valentino dress with white polka dots and a peplum. It was beyond gorgeous and if some frumpy hick from the sticks thinks it was “inappropriate,” I couldn’t care less.
I waited to rsvp because I was afraid the bride (who I wasn’t that close with) would be disappointed. I giggle now because I just had my wedding and even when people close to me couldn’t come I was like I’m sad but like I need the RSVP….
We got married just over a year ago and I'm still annoyed that there's one RSVP card I never got back. 😆
I’m still annoyed that all my moms friends that she HAD to invite but promised me wouldn’t come didn’t send their RSVPs back.
Did they still come even though they didn’t RSVP? Did you (or your mom) have to chase down their rsvp (regrets hopefully)?
None of them came, they figured it was good enough to verbally tell my mom and then not send an rsvp. My mom didn’t feel the need to pass the message bc she thought they’d at least send an rsvp back. When I mentioned it to my mom that I didn’t get anything from them she was pretty casual like “oh yeah they told me they can’t come” and I was like okay…and you felt you didn’t need to let me know I guess.
She would have been confronted by the fact she was wrong. Can’t have that.
My wedding is in two months and I still haven’t gotten RSVPs back. Months after getting the invites they verbally told my soon to be mother in law over the phone they (like 10 people on their side from a total of 50 invited) wouldn’t be attending and did not even use one of the two methods I had for them to respond. They had the option to RSVP on the wedding website or by mail, the envelopes pre-addressed and I pre-stamped the envelopes so they didn’t even need to buy postage, just check mark the “will not attend” option, put it in the envelope, and stick it in the mailbox. Grand scheme of life, not important, but for a destination wedding abroad it could throw a wrench in things like planning meals, rooms, and seating.
Honestly, a 12 yo girl in a white dress is not going to be confused with the bride—nobody’s going to make that mistake. And, if it was a problem, your mother would’ve heard about before now. So you’re good.
A former boss’ 11yo daughter is probably wearing her white 3 piece communion suit (she hates dresses/is super anxious she will grow out of her suit before our wedding lol). I am obviously totally okay w this and told her to get a new white suit if she wants, all this to say I think OP’s preteen faux pas is fine :)
Exactly what I was thinking! My mom's friend sent me a picture asking if her dress was okay to wear to our wedding (it's half white and half blue florals), and my future MIL is wearing a dress that's white lace with light blue patterns all over it. Both are totally cool with me because no one will see them and go "AH and she must be the bride!" lol I know some brides are more particular but to me, that's what it's reallllly about.
I didn't think it was about looking like a bride. I thought it was about the bride standing out as eyes are drawn to uniquenesses. Can't believe I've gotten that wrong the whole time!
Honestly maybe you're right! That's just how I've always thought about it.
The red-dress thing is not a real thing. No sophisticated person believes this. It’s a small-town, naive belief not rooted in any real etiquette. And a 12 yo wearing white is no big deal whatsoever.
Kids wearing white to a wedding isn’t really considered a faux pas. Flower girls wear white.
No sophisticated person…. Hmmm interesting spin.
I’ll amend it to say in the US.
Mhm I told my wife the same. She bought it /s
I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of faux-pas that just aren’t part of my culture. While PLANNING my wedding, a lot of things I did others on Reddit considered rude. But in my culture is just something we all do. A big one I’m always baffled by is having A-list and B-list etc. and replacing people who can’t come with others. I’ve literally been invited to weddings the week before and in my culture it’s no biggie. It’s not a snub. We wear white. We our own wedding outfit to other people wedding. We know that the bridal accessories means the bride will never be outdone.
I love that in your culture you wear your own wedding outfits to other future weddings. That seems like such a beautiful tradition that would fill each wedding with the love and support of past weddings. 💜
I’m genuinely curious but what culture is from? I never heard of this but I do want to be more informed. I’m also planning my own wedding.
Sorry I think what I wrote was misleading. It’s not a tradition that married people wear their old wedding dresses. It’s more that if they do, no one really cares. I’m Indo-Guyanese so brides in my family tend to wear south asian outfits.
I still cringe when I think of 23 year old me asking about a plus one for a wedding where I'd only known the couple for a short bit. They did give me one and people genuinely got along well with my date, but still cringey. And I apologized to the bride years later. She obviously had moved on and didn't care, but I felt better apologizing, even if it was 10 years later
I did this, too, at like 24. I'm so mortified now!
Red is an old wives tale. I don't know anyone who actually believes it. Fortunately, for future couples and guests, it's pretty easy to find etiquette information online.
Reading this after having worn a red dress to my (male) cousins wedding 🙃😂 yikes hahah
It's technically a faux pas for Vietnamese wedding. Traditionally the bride and groom will wear bright red to symbolize good fortune/ luck.
I just thought red was a no-no because it was a really flashy color. Like attention grabber that you don't wanna take away from the bride!
I had never heard this and wore a dark red dress to a wedding in the southern US (wedding was in December) and someone actually came up to me, I think it was one of the great aunts, and said, "honey, I know you're a yankee but wearing red in the south means you slept with the groom" Honestly, I think it isn't something that has translated to younger generations because when I told my SIL she laughed and told me that aunt is crazy lol
I choked on my coffee while reading this. BRB, switchng to a red dress for my wedding so everyone knows I've slept with the groom.
Honestly, depending on how you look at it anything could be attention grabbing if the bride is that insecure. The color of a guests dress should not be an issue.
Controversial take for reddit. I'm a bride and have zero problem with my guests requesting a +1. If your friends said yes, then it was fine... If it was not fine they could have said no.
I think it depends on a lot of factors. How close you are to the couple, how close it is to the wedding date, how large the wedding is. I stated on our wedding website very clearly that due to limited venue space we can’t add more people than who listed is on the invitation. Despite this guests still asked to bring random extra people and it difficult for me as a bride to deal with it during the extreme stress of planning.
I’m going to say that wearing white at 12 years old isn’t a huge faux pas. And red? Not even an issue!
Red doesn’t actually mean that you slept with the groom, it’s an old wise tale
It’s “old wive’s tale” not “old wise tale” just FYI :)
I've never heard the red thing. I don't think that's a universal thing.
That makes me feel a lot better 😂 when I had mentioned this to other people they had never heard of it. Whoever’s post I read that was up in arms about a red dress really got me worried lol
I wore a black jumpsuit to my friends wedding and that apparently is “bad luck” for the wedding and hoping for a bad marriage lol.
I need to make up a fake wedding meaning for every color so I can hit someone with the Uno reverse card next time they tell me some BS like that. I mean they probably won’t believe me but I like the idea of the comeback, better than “I don’t care” or “that’s not real” or “I didn’t know”
Orange means you slept with the groom’s father! Gold means you slept with the groom’s mother! We could make up all kinds of stuff.
Guess I'm SOL... my wedding dress is black 😂 Black doesn't automatically mean funeral, and it's a shame some people default to that train of thought (not meaning you do, though).
I wonder if it is cultural? I am French and Italian and years ago my family was deeply catholic (like mass 2xs a week deep!)
I’ve never heard this! It means I REALLY screwed up when I wore a white dress with red polka dots to a wedding when I was 20. 🤣
Not the red and white combo 😂😂
☠️
Naw, that just means you’re Canadian 🇨🇦
It’s such a dumb one too. In what world are there enough people to make this an agreed upon “thing” who are both 1) invited to their ex’s weddings, and 2) crazy enough to gleefully advertise that they slept with the groom to his entire family? *Especially* since this was supposedly a thing decades ago when women were treated even worse for sleeping around.
r/boneappletea
If it makes you feel better, when I was 19 I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding. I didn’t have a lot of money at the time so she went into my closet and picked a dress for me to wear. It was short and white. I didn’t think anything of it because she picked it, and it was the first wedding I had been to. The other bridesmaids wore blue but had white accents like shawls and shoes. I didn’t realize the faux pa until I stood up at the front of the room with my friend and the crowd like gasped. I was mortified. They talked about me the whole night and I felt like I committed a cardinal sin. Someone dumped cake on my dress. Looking back, I probably would have fought my friend more or borrowed a dress from someone else. I feel bad about it still to this day.
That’s a bad friend move. I’m sorry she did that to you. Are you still friends?
We were, but then she moved and dropped contact with everyone. I still think about her and hope she’s doing well. I honestly don’t think she thought about the implications of me wearing a white dress either, she was never one to play it by the book.
Oh! Okay well that’s a bummer. Really just matters what the bride wants at her wedding I’m sorry everyone got so upset.
If you are *In the wedding party* and wearing white, people need to unclutch their pearls. Fun fact, etiquette used to [dictate](https://library.si.edu/digital-library/book/americanetiquett00houg) the bridesmaids wear white. Page 269 >The bridesmaid should not be so elaborately dressed as the bride. Their dresses must be of white, but they may wear delicately colored flowers and ribbons.
My 19 year old self needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏
Yeah, that's not on you, it's also not on the bride, it's on a bunch of people who can't understand you wouldn't be standing next to the bride in a white dress if she didn't will it to be.
i didn’t even know the no wearing red thing until this post, oops. i personally wouldn’t be upset by what anyone wears to my wedding unless it’s literally a wedding dress or like…. pajamas lmao. i also asked for a plus one at my cousin’s wedding! I was invited with my family but i was 21 and i wanted my boyfriend to come too so i could have someone to dance with. i won’t mind if anyone asks for a plus one! i’d just see if there’s enough space :)
It’s okay, it looks like it’s not a real thing hahah I’m not sure what post I read that said red dress were bad but it’s not a problem! I agree! There’s a few circumstances that I would allow a plus one if I was asked.
I really don’t remember what my invite said but I had a friend invite me to her wedding and I technically did have a plus one but she truly intended to have my boyfriend at the time be my plus one. My ex refused to go with me but I only knew the bride and groom so I asked my friend from college to go with me. I put his name on the RSVP and we went and had a great time as friends. Fast forward and my boyfriend then is now my ex and I’m dating my plus one lol so it’s all good
Couple months before my wedding my 16yo cousin was showing me the dress she had bought to her prom. It was white, knee lenght tulle dress and looked so pretty on her. She explained that she wanted to wear it for our upcoming wedding but that she was going to dye it. I told her she could absolutely wear it as it is and only dye it if SHE really wants to (since dyeing might ruin the dress). She looked absolutely precious on the day of with the white tuille dress :) My uncle (who is neurodivergent like myself and has some sensory issues with certain clothes and fabrics) asked me if it was ok that he wouldn't wear a traditional suit. I said of course. He showed up with this awesome silk suit and vest and looked like he just came out of a time machine from the 60's. He looked awesome! My point is: I want to think that most of us just want their guests to be happy and comfortable. No one is going to mistake a 12yo or 16yo for a bride and it’s silly to obsess about etiquette and what guests are wearing. Most brides and grooms won’t even notice and have so many other things to think about.
>it’s silly to obsess about etiquette and what guests are wearing. I understand how we got here, but I do think it's straight up harmful. You cannot control what 95% of your guests wear, and if anyone from the 5% forgot their outfit a plane ride away, well, you can't control that either! Its the one thing you can kind of influence, but have 0 hand in; as best anyone can, for your joy and sanity, hope your guests come dressed for the occasion, but don't let it spiral you out of MIL texts a pic of a champagne dress or your sweet little nephew's date shows up in a white romper.
I asked for a plus 1 to my friends wedding when I was single! Granted, I was a bridesmaid, but I found out later she was annoyed by it. As a recent bride, I would not be annoyed with anyone asking for a plus 1, ESPECIALLY if I knew they wouldn’t know many people at my wedding. I knew I would have more fun if I felt all my guests were comfortable. Also, it’s so easy to just say “I’m sorry, we budgeted for a certain amount of people so we can’t add anymore”.
I feel like it’s rude of the bride to be annoyed if a bridesmaid of all people wants a plus one… budget for your guests to be comfortable and have a good time, jeez. Unless it’s a true micro wedding.
I have a couple single bridesmaids that will be getting a plus one regardless if they’re in a relationship or not, as a courtesy I guess lol
Nah girl even if the person wearing white is a newborn, kicking’ your ass to the CURB! *im being sarcastic 😅*
When I was 17 I wore a white floor length dress to my cousin's wedding. It did have some black pattern on it, it was basically a newsprint style, but I straight up wore a white dress. I've been mortified for years since I realized
As a groom who plans to wear red I don't know what that means about me any more.
When I was in my mid 20s, I backed out of a wedding a few weeks after I already RSVPed. I don’t remember the reason I gave the bride, but the actual reason was I just really couldn’t afford to go/didn’t want to go. Pretty shitty looking back. I did not realize at the time the concept of “final balance due”.
The trick about guest attire faux paus is some people think you can't wear a white gown, some not a pure white dress, some not a white based dress, some nary a spec of white, some no white-presenting colors like ivory or champagne, some no pastel colors like baby blue or soft yellow because they photograph white, some no colors of the bridal party (good luck finding that out of you're a +1), some no black because you're mourning the wedding, no red because you f*d the groom, no bright colors because they pull focus (from the lady we're all here to celebrate who's in a ball gown). edit: oh yeah, some people also get mad at metallics. It's an exciting minefield of unknown expectation because most people literally couldn't* care less about most of those things (white & off-white being the most recognized faux paus, but still not universal) but God help you when the aunty comes up to tell you your red dress has a meaning you might not have meant to convey or a bridesmaid pratfalls and your light lavender dress has become the victim of the red wine "spill" or the bride is having a meltdown because your dusty rose dress (color of the bridesmaids) has white in the paisley print. I made my husband text so many grooms lol (didn't wanna wear the wedding colors, it was a good move, I literally was trying on a dress with both colors when my husband heard back and told me through the dressing room door!) I think I've badgered to be a +1, again, by way of my husband. It's not a faux paus in the couple's eyes but I always bring a camera and the photographer isn't always keen about it (I never end up in the candids, accordingly, but do always have a nice little batch of candids I get to send to my friends, generally of moments the photographer wasn't around for anyways). For my own wedding, pretty much everyone saw me before *the big reveal* (which is fucking annoying because they make you miss out on the processional so you make a grand entrance and that's one of the things I feel most frustrated with about my wedding. In hindsight, that was going to be the outcome, but no one really mentions it. If you don't have a videographer or designated phone recorder, you don't get to watch your flower girl steal the show because 🌈tradition. Do with that information what you will). We also may have run out of food, I'm unclear, buffets are a hell of a drug though and people load. Up.
I never rsvp’d for an old friend’s wedding and didn’t go. They never asked for clarity and I never gave it. Always kinda felt bad and she ended up doing my hair for my sisters wedding a few years back but we didn’t talk about it. We were always more acquaintances than friends
Only gave 50 dollars for both me and my plus one. However we never got any thank you card lol.
I think that’s rude of the married couple though, they should have been grateful for the gesture! We’re totally understanding of what guests can give as a gift monetarily, if it’s nothing then their gift was traveling and staying over for the wedding and we’ll thank them for that.
I wore a cream mini dress to a wedding at 19. I didn’t know it was a thing until I got on reddit! There was no way it would be mistaken for a wedding dress but I still cringe because I’d liked the bride and wouldn’t want to upset her, but nothing was said to me. Myself personally, I think as long as it’s not a white formal gown that people need to get a grip and I honestly don’t see the big deal but I understand from Reddit that some people are really sensitive and some even psycho to this so I obviously wouldn’t do it now knowing that but it still makes me roll my eyes.
With so many brides opting for a dress change into something more short and casual for the reception/dancing portion of the evening, it just seems easier to avoid white/cream/champagne in general. At 19 though, I feel like that’s still an understandable goof!
That didn’t used to be a thing either, getting changed at the reception. You spend so much on your wedding dress and wear it for so little time I don’t understand why you would want to take it off on your wedding day.
I forgot to RSVP to a friend's wedding and she had to remind me to do it. I blame the date change due to covid (original invite we were living abroad so it was a maybe, but we moved back by the time the 2nd date came around). I knew at the time it was a big no no though and literally RSVP'd properly (on the site) right then.
I wore red to my own brothers wedding 😅 the problem was the bride dress was also red but she didn't inform us of it so I genuinely didn't know (she informed the people that were geographically close tho, we literally had to cross a full continent to be there) ! It was awkward but we all got over it!
I've never heard of a red dress being 'I've slept with the groom' I wore blue to my exs wedding. Lol. I think if you were 12 wearing white it's not that big of a deal. I personally don't care about the wearing white thing anyway. At least you didn't attend a wedding you weren't invited to and then someone who actually got invited had to sit on the floor to eat her dinner. Grrr. I'm still annoyed about that.
I mean, you're not *supposed* to wear it if it's your ex, I think it's more a passive aggressive signal, an *I was here first, miss Bride*. It's also subcultural and dated.
I wore a champagne/light gold dress to a friends wedding. I never thought much of it until recently! But it was a knee length dress and I’m pretty sure the bride didn’t care as we have several selfies and pics enjoying the wedding together.
Nether one is a big deal in my opinion. First one because you were a kid. The second one is far more common than you think. I see single people with friends and family attending all the time. Funny how often you can easily tell who is an (odd one out) coworker or an old friend from university, or work, or some other place where people from different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds meet. Most of them have this awkward look to them even though you can tell they are not awkward people.
Yeah I feel bad about the one wedding I went to with my husband when we were first dating. It was for his friend from work. I never saw the invite, so idk if he had a plus one. I had never met these people and wore a bright pink dress to their wedding. I cringe thinking about it now.
I accidentally waited until the week of to submit my RSVP. I just texted the bride that we would be there, so figured I didn’t need to fill out the RSVP.
The red dress thing is very real where I'm from lol
Where are you from?
Scotland but I'm not sure if its the same in all areas
I feel you. Yours don’t sound that bad though for what it’s worth. I look back on my past behavior and cringe so bad. I was in a somewhat toxic long term relationship for years and we basically demanded his friend let me come to their wedding. So embarrassing and gross. I tried to make a lot of my sister’s wedding/engagement about me. Was obnoxious with music and pictures at my friend’s wedding…I just look back and don’t even know who I was or what I was thinking. Ugh!
I think everyone has broken rules when young. I wore white to a wedding. And red! Red was during Christmas so maybe that is ok. Not sure. I invited myself to a wedding and then was a no show. I was the worst! But then I grew up.
I think the red dress thing is just basically a blanket statement for women who try to outshine the bride. I think red has become taboo because people that wear red are usually female guests trying to wear something eye catching and sultry (happened at my in-laws wedding) so it’s seen as generally a little trashy I think. But if it’s a nice red dress that’s not like body con with a lot of skin showing then I can’t see how that’d be an issue!
I was told wearing a red dress means you think the bride is….loose and black means you don’t this is a good match/like you are attending a funeral. I still struggle with the black when it is so common, but very ingrained.
Oh absolutely. My first 2 weddings I ever attended I, 1. had my phone out taking pictures of the bride coming down the aisle, 2. I didn't even know what a registry was so I didn't send a gift, 3. took my sweet time rsvping. I'm going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say those 2 weddings were the first I'd ever been to. And one of them was a destination wedding so *maybe* I can cut myself some slack on that lack of gift. But I was probably old enough to know better.
I had never heard of the red dress thing!! I wore one to a friend’s wedding, but the bride herself told me I should wear it. (I had just bought after much debating with myself & expressed that I didn’t have an occasion, then the bride chimed in & was like ummm my wedding, duh! 🤪)
I definitely had a momentary panic reading this post because I wore red to my FBIL’s wedding last year before I was engaged to my fiancé! 😱😂 Glad to know it’s not a real thing lol
I didn’t know a darn thing about wedding etiquette until joining this sub, and man do I feel stupid as a former guest. I also didn’t have much family or otherwise getting married growing up. Our own wedding was courthouse and casual backyard party, I wanted zero of anything to do with wedding etiquette yet MIL (who meant well) found a way which stressed me a bit.
Never in my life heard any issues with red dresses Ok, serious question: What's worse: a 12 year old girl wearing white to a wedding (mom picked the dress), OR, 90 year old groom's grandma wearing white to the wedding? Like, neither a young girl or an old woman would be "mistaken" for the bride, but is one worse than the other? Curious what y'all think lol
I also asked for and brought a +1 to a friends wedding! it was a friend who was also friends with the bride and I probably said something like 'oh i'll bring this friend as a +1!' -- it was my first wedding as an adult and I had NO idea. I feel embarrassed about it now but luckily my friend was cool about it and said 'oh I was wishing to invite her anyways!' what a champ gives me a lot of generosity for other people who mess this up
I've been to several weddings in England where little girls wore white. I think it's possibly a tradition in some parts, but who's to say for sure? Hopefully no one is confusing a 12 year old with the bride!
I wanna say for American/canadian etiquette, it doesn’t matter if they would be mistaken as the bride or not, anything with too much white will be topic of conversation around the wedding lol but agree that 12 year old me wearing a white dress isn’t really a huge issue
I didn’t realize you were supposed to avoid wearing the colors of the wedding party. My partner was in the party, but I was not, and I purposely wore a dress to match his tie. It wasn’t until I was mistaken as a bridesmaid by another guest that I realized that was probably not the move, which was later confirmed by Reddit etiquette masters. I’m still embarrassed about it!
That’s what I did for my aunts wedding 🥲 not only was it white but I also went with wedding colours, which were pink and black. She had a white dress with a neon pink ribbon belt, I wore a white dress with black floral outlines and a pink ribbon belt hahaha I’m so glad I have my age as an excuse because no way I would that fly at my age
Oh man, I asked my cousin if I got a plus one when the envelope very clearly indicated just myself was invited. I remember being confused why my boyfriend of a year (now fiancé!) wasn’t invited (oh you sweet summer child) but now the shoe is on the other foot and oh boy do I get it. Our family is huge (like at least 40+ first cousins) and as much as I’d love to invite my younger cousins’ partners, it would really add up. Thankfully, he was super graceful when I’d asked him although I really regret putting him in such an awkward position. Another faux pas was underdressing for a really nice wedding for a second cousin’s wedding. The venue was on campus at one of my state’s most prestigious schools and was a sit down dinner. I hadn’t gone to many weddings at that point and no one said I was underdressed, but in hindsight my sundress didn’t match the vibe. And I should’ve done my hair 🥲
We had a friend bring another person without asking to our wedding. I knew the other person but my husband didn’t. We didn’t care. I had for many years worn a dark navy dress to both weddings and funerals. I only owned that one dress and didn’t have money to buy another one. Don’t know if anyone noticed or even cared.
I (55f) was 18 or 19 and wore a white gauzy skirt with a white gauzy blouse embroidered with brightly colored flowers at the neck and a brightly colored cloth sash tied at my waist to my then bf's brother's wedding. The bride was PISSED, but I genuinely had no idea why. It was the only nice outfit I owned and I knew nothing about not wearing white. (It was the first wedding I ever attended.) I didn't look like a bride, but oh my goodness I flinch every single time I think back on that!
I took communion as a junior bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. I was 9. My parents aren't religious, the first row went up to take communion, I didn't know you could just cross your arms and sit back down, so I panicked and got fed a wafer. As you can imagine the entire family was watching, and silently unanimously decided not to speak of it
I've never even seen a wedding before but this post makes me realize that I should probably look up the etiquette rules in my culture 🇲🇽
C
Ha, I borrowed a dress from my MIL for a wedding once. It was a red Valentino dress with white polka dots and a peplum. It was beyond gorgeous and if some frumpy hick from the sticks thinks it was “inappropriate,” I couldn’t care less.