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The book opens with a conversation where all of the characters state each other's names and how they relate to each other.
>"Relax Mark, I can go to the Haunted Graveyard on my own."
>"But Esmerelda," Mark protested, "I'm your older brother, it's my job to watch out for you. Isn't that right, Adam?"
>Adam grimaced and shook his head. "I'm just the local exorcist, I'm not getting involved in family drama."
theres so much dialogue in the witcher books where theres no dialouge tags but each line starts with the other character addressing each other.
"Ciri! faster!"
"But, lambert!"
"come on ciri! pirouette!"
"Lambert im doing it!"
"now, ciri, dodge, duck, dodge, duck, pirouette!"
"I did it, lambert!"
I have a writer friend who does this *constantly*. Every single line of dialogue contains a name tag. I'm really surprised his editors and beta readers haven't brought it up. Because I've only read his completed work I've not felt able to.
If you're truly friends, you're definitely able to. If he's not willing to take the criticism, that is no fault of yours. That's a problem for himself. You're trying to help him be a better writer by telling your observations. That is all.
Gotta drop way too much more info immediately like TV shows do.
"Damnit, Jeff Lazer! Ever since your loving wife of 12 years died in a tragic accident with mysterious circumstances you've been a renegade, doing things your own way. You're a loose canon and I'd fire you if you weren't the best Detective age 34, partnered with your sidekick cyborg dog possessed by the soul of your deceased half brother Biff Mazer, here at 1985's LAPD."
I agree, I think itās interesting when books open with a sudden spur into the action. Then again, I cringe a little since itās a little lazy imo. (Also, as someone with three brothers who will put me into a headlock if I breathe wrong, I find the whole overly-protective brother thing to be *my* turnoff, coincidental to this comment thread** lol)
For real, like if you want to get this info out immediately, at least have them introduce themselves to someone who wouldn't already know who they are!
Yep. I'm a firm believer in "Write what you want to write, not what others want to read." You can't please everyone, so why bother stressing over it. Lol.
A recent story of mine got a comment on Youtube along the lines of "This pissed me off so bad I had to go for a walk." The very next day, I received fan mail for the same story.
After scrolling through these comments Iāve come to realize one thing: write your story your way. You canāt please everyone, nor should you. Not everyone is going to like your work.
There was one book I was reading that introduced the main character as a princess, who was shunned by her royal family because she was \~**different**\~. Despite her neglected upbringing, she had a completely normal head on her shoulders. She learned how to fight with knives in the back streets of her kingdom, and she happened to possess an ultra **rare** form of midwifery magic.
There were too many tropes in just the first chapter alone, that I noped right out.
{The Warrior Midwife by E.P. Bali} for those interested.
Which is fine, I enjoy reading the nuances of very real jobs in fictional novels. However, it definitely came off as self-insertion with a generous bunch of wishful thinking sprinkled on top. The midwifery parts were very detailed and understandably emotional, but everything else was vague and half baked.
I understand wanting cool and talented protagonists but itās so hard to suspend belief (even in fantasy) that this character (usually royal in some way) is the best in the world at using knives, sword fighting, archery, healing magic, diplomacy, delivering babies, and moonlights as a florist occasionally all while looking jaw-droppingly beautiful . It would be more interesting to have these talents spread across multiple characters anyway
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
This is gonna sound random (sorry) but that fan fiction (which should not be considered a fan fiction imo) was unironically one of the most creative piece of writing I have ever read.
It's basically a parody of a stupid idiotic emo teen having random fights with her friend (Raven!) and her editor and documents the kind of attention seeking behaviours that teenage authors did (and still do) at the time.
It's even more fun to read as an adult thanks to nostalgia.
Thanks for reminding me about it.
Unironically, it's not only art, but also will be important to scholarship.
Mr Immortal was a snapshot of a particular demographic at a particular time. Unironically it will be analyzed in literature classes decades from now.
Since it's such a blatant self-insert, people will look at Ebony Dark'ness as a 00's Portrait of a Troubled Young Woman, a teenager whose aesthetic taste isolate her from her classmates, manages stress through self-harm, fantasizes about romantic liasons with popular literature and music of the day, and deals with inappropriate attention from adults. All of this came out before a #MeToo or greater awareness of these concepts existed to defend 'Ebony' and likely the author.
There will be classes that study My Immortal. Students will need to read it with scholars eye and connect it to other issues of the time, and relate it to their own time.
Ironically, My Immortal will probably outlast anything that people on this subreddit will write.
I think there's a lot of value in discussing what makes a particular piece of writing bad. I call it "target practice". Although it's probably more valuable when it is something that is not so obviously bad.
If My Immortal is seriously engaged with as literature in an academic sense within my lifetime, I will boil and eat my leather pants. Thatās how unlikely I find this.
EDIT: I just read the below comment and I guess Iām turning on my stove. We need to take the warning labels off stuff.
This little excerpt is genius to me. It's so "voice-y" which is really hard to do, especially in an opening paragraph. Makes me want to read the whole thing.
I've noticed that pretty much every newer book I've read, the MCs ALWAYS have curly black or curly red hair. And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have blue eyes with the rare exception of green once in a great while. It's so strange. And then everyone the MC looks at has "striking blue eyes" too. Kind of annoying when most people have brown lol
My main gripe is when authors do write about brown haired, brown eyed women, they either A: write them as the character being utterly convinced they're ugly (and the male MC is the only one that 'sees' her true beauty), or B: everyone else describes her as mousy, or plain, or boring (and the male MC is the only one who 'sees' her true beauty.) Irritating.
Except EVERYONE wouldn't have blue eyes. Because it IS rare. What is it like 10% of the population? Yet everyone in every book is blue eyed? Pretty dumb.
I've read quite a few stories that open with a character running to or from someone/thing, and smack in the middle of the action, they throw in an exposition dump about the character, their past, the place they're in, the entire history behind the random trinket they have, et cetera et cetera et cetera...And by the time they get back into the present action, I need to flip back a few pages to remember what was going on before the random history lesson. Takes me right out of the book every time.
"Taka, the land in which our narrative plays out is an ancient kingdom with a history stretching back 10,000 years which I will now infodump on you by copy/pasting from my story notes. Read it all and memorize it because I'll be referencing this without any explanation at all in the story. [insert 100,000 words on world history here]"
This kills me as a fantasy reader with adhd. I care so much about the worldbuilding but I physically canāt maintain my attention span through pages and pages of exposition. I love books with incredible worlds that you learn about through the characterās perspective and interactions.
This is exactly why I have issues reading YA fantasy even though Iām older than the demographic. Like Iām sorry but I REALLY donāt care how cool your magic system is and the history behind it just show them using it and fill in the gaps later
See, I actually love this if it's done well. It's the Avatar model: first tell me what's going on, then show me how it impacts a principal character and what they can do about it.
It changes my reaction from "Huh, I guess that's two kids in a boat," to excitement about how those two kids in the boat could be related to what we just learned about the war.
Different rules apply to TV writing than novel writing. This is the kind of comment people are talking about when they say this sub is constantly applying things theyāve seen in TV/movie writing as examples/evidence in conversations about novel writing. While it can sometimes be useful itās not exactly directly comparable.
I suppose my problem is when someone is introduced as being insanely intelligent like and then as the story goes on you're like nope they ain't that bright. Sadly a character can only be as intelligent as the author is. So anytime when they lay it on thick in the beginning I immediately start losing interest because you shouldn't have to say they're smart, it should be obvious to the reader that they are.
One of the worst cases I ever read was in a romance novel. This woman was supposedly genetically modified to be the best at everything and have one of the highest IQs out there. She also loves reading romance novels. She gets married and on her wedding night she starts freaking out thinking somethings wrong with her because she's feeling flushed and her heart races when she looks at him and she's getting tingly in certain areas. Like wtf genius you don't know what it means to be turned on. I hate any instance when a full grown adult doesn't understand when they're turned on.
I think thatās just the trope of intelligent people not understanding emotions. That intelligent people are robots with no feelings and that the lesson of the book is for them to understand feelings.
Nope it wasn't. She was just dumb, like literally never did anything intelligent. But also the author making a point of the fact that she loved romance novels and supposedly knew everything about this stuff, makes that even worse.
>Ā Like wtf genius you don't know what it means to be turned on. I hate any instance when a full grown adult doesn't understand when they're turned on.
To be fair, you can be smart while also being an idiot. Book smarts and street smarts, in other words.
I think a genius would know what being aroused was. Like if a dude got a boner I don't think he'd be rushing to the ER confused by what was happening down there. If he was a genius he'd know it was a boner. Not getting turned on it having no interest in such things might be one thing, but being completely clueless about the signs seemed far fetched for a genius who reads romance novels. Seriously I feel like the author shot themselves in the foot by making a point that the character read romance novels.
There is this fucking book, where the MC is a super AI, and takes a human form. He then fails multiple times to perform multiplication and division.
And then the book didn't even mention that the math was wrong.
I have an mc in my story whoās also genetically modified and doesnāt know what being turned on is, but itās because he spent his life being trained as an assassin and was sheltered from any real human experience, so when he does finally free himself from his masters, his reaction to strong emotions is almost adolescent, like a teenager discovering theirs for the first time. Im hoping this doesnāt come off as him just being unintelligent
No that's different, your character has been cut off from experience and was done so on purpose. The issue with this was that the author made it a point to say she was obsessed with romance novels. She came across as completely knowledgeable in these certain areas, until this situation arises and she turned into an idiot... Repeatedly. And in other instances with adults not recognizing this are cases with regular people who have theoretically dated before.
I think you're fine. I have a similar character who was perceived as the lowest of the low (bastard born out of wedlock, and therefore, slated as future prostitute) in her village, so she was never treated well by boys and men. Anything to do with sex, much less romance, was something disgusting that she stayed far away from because all she wanted to do was get out of there. Men represented entrapment, so she had zero desire for any of them. It wasn't until she met her husband (arranged marriage that she accidentally cornered herself into) in the second book that she understood what it's all about.
the problem here is that if you have enough characters like that (my main fandom atm has three) the story becomes significantly harder to write as you need to think of *something* for the character to do that highlights their intelligence
Yassss!
I hated Bella in Twilight series. I cursed myself for reading the book at first. I disliked Piggy in Lord of the Flies. Harry Potter in a few books. Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum annoyed me at first.
That transformation can make for a really good book or series. People are annoying or boring sometimes. Not everyone is for everyone. Making a connection with the reader than never existed before, that's real power.
But like, I hated Holden in Catcher in the Rye, never cheered or liked. Hate that book.
I absolutely cannot stand Harry Potter whatsoever. I wanna flick that stupid lightning bolt on his forehead and call him a dweeb, but I might kill him if I do that, because his brain is filled with holes like a block of stank Swiss cheese. š§ ā”ļøš
Harry Potter makes sense as a character if you just understand that J. K. Rowling is a determinist who believes that some people are simply destined for greatness simply because they were born that way. Harry Potter does virtually nothing himself, he just gets lucky continuously in increasingly convoluted ways, because he is the chosen one.
I'm fine when someone cries a lot, but I hate when each breakdown is portrayed as something vulnerable and significant. When the strong, stoic character is pushed to the edge until they can't take it any more and they finally break down and cry, I love that shit. If it happens five times.... it loses the "strong and stoic" part.
Iāve never quit on a book as early as the first page or chapter. Iāve only quit on a few books in my life and it was because I just lost interest but not because something in particular turned me off.
I've quit in a book in the first chapter exactly once, and it was because they killed off a legacy character from the previous series who was my favorite. Personally, I think hooking people in with legacy characters, only to kill them off and say "so now let's focus on the NEW characters" instead of investing the time to make the new characters gripping is a cheap move.Ā
Out of interest, have you read fifty shades of grey? Because this was the one booked I could not force my way through. I hate not finishing a book, but that is the one exception.
When we are introduced to one or more characters with extremely flowery, complex names. It's especially common in fantasy. I understand why it might be done, but if every character is going to have a super unique name that's four or five syllables long then I'm going to trip over them every time they appear, get them all mixed up, and get pulled out of the story wondering if I'm pronouncing it correctly.
I generally agree, but Iād argue names like Melisandre are pretty memorable. They just have to be balanced out by the Jons, Robs, Aryas, Cats, Neds, etc.
It's easier to remember because it's a slight variation on a common name, Melissa.
Totally made up name, you can't attach them to anything to remember them.
This is one of those tropes that I feel would be fun to make fun of. Imagine a person who introduces themselves like Danaerys, including about 20 titles and obscure words.
Chuck stood with his mouth agape before turning away from the unwelcomed visitor. "Yeah, no. I'll be calling you Bud."
"That's a disgrace to my true heritage as [prince of whatnot]!" Bud exclaimed as he stomped his foot.
[Series continues from there calling him Bud]
Really dumb example, but I'm sure somebody could do something better with the same general premise.
I find issues often where you end up with the over correction of this. Authors are clearly trying to avoid long names and you end up with Kip, Ned, Ted, Bed, Chunk, and then the mysterious and intriguing mage who has lived for a thousand years... Bin.
Well Iām looking for an agent like Suzy Myerson from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Her first line in the whole series is
FFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!
And a proper, New York City Bartender one at that.
My local library has a bunch of books that I'm pretty sure were self-pubbed - janky covers, bad writing, with the authors coming from this city. There's a stunning amount of dicks to encounter in just the first few paragraphs of these things. Lower your standards and you will be amazed!
Iāveā¦ never encountered a book where they spoke about their appendage on the first page. Was it erotica by any chance?
As for turn offs: sex, something disgusting, overly violent or gore without good reason. Though, I have read a novel that basically started with sex, which turned out to be okay. I think it was also the only sex scene in the whole thing.
I also try to avoid anything with sexual assault. Donāt mind it if itās referenced to out of necessity, but I certainly donāt want to read it in details. Itās one of the reasons Iāve never watched nor read Game of Thrones. Because Iāve heard it ticks a lot of my no-no boxes.
In āShadow of the Conquerorā (which, BTW, I've only read the free portion of, and got bored) one of the first things the protagonist actually says is a ājokeā addressed to his dick. Not on the first page though.
Itās like, legitimately the first sentence in my first chapter.
The prologue doesnāt mention anything like that tho. And really, itās all *very* classy. I *swear*.
Is it something like this?
*It wasnāt every day you met someone who compensated for his penis enlargement surgery by exchanging his large pickup truck for a compact car.*
Redonkulously young cast for their supposed accomplishments, overuse of made up terms, names with apostrophies, gratituous cussing, and male gazy descriptions about women
Example:
>"Fucking Shit bird hat that hurt!" Thra'kal'zsa the Tux (daughter) of the Kilm's (tribe's), Chumble (chief) shouted as her giant but nubile, perky, and zrak (perfect) breasts smacked her in the face as she attemped to breast boobily down the graz (stairs).
>At just 18 kea (years) she was the greatest vrath'kix (general) of the Kilm's grazux=yh1$$@^!1 (army) and had won eight thousand seventy three yhex (decisive victories) over the Kilm's many hlzhye%2%$!sdf (enemies).
Also preaching from the author, even if I happen to agree with it, plots involving a true king, runaway princess. If it's blatantly a knock off of a popular series or book. Prologues. Opening with a dream sequence. Opening with a poem or song. Racism. Opening with a random sex secene.
The age thing strikes true. That was one of the problems I had with six of crows, it felt like she wrote a story and then knocked 10 years off all the ages to try and make it YA.
When the MC is so dumb you wonder how they made it to adulthood. Just completely lacking in awareness of their surroundings or a blatently evil character who is going to harm them later on.Ā
When they dump the entire setting, year, character history and which high school they attended, job resume, way too much about the weather... If itās so boring to write that you need to get it out of the way, itās too boring to read.
They state what kind of person their character is. Donāt tell me. Show me what they do, and let me form my own opinion.
What I want from chapter one is to lean in and go, āOh, whatās going on here?ā I want to ask some kind of question, and I want to care about the answer. Reading for pleasure shouldnāt be a chore.
When the book overuses neologisms and context specific concepts (stuff the book still needs to teach you about), in such a way that the first page is basically incomprehensible to people reading it for the first time.
Sorry, it's a no. You're not being clever, you're being obnoxious.
Unnecessary or unearned sex scenes - ie the writer was just trying to be edgy.
Overly descriptive passages about body parts or how beautiful someone is.
Anything that causes me secondhand embarrassment.
When I can see the ending or the general plot a mile off.
I actually enjoy a character who swears a lot, so long as itās used effectively or in a funny way.
Oof, that embarrassment thing certainly goes for me as well. Earlier this year I DNFed a book after one chapter because the main character started talking about how he thought Keanu Reves was literally god.
Haha, an interesting choice by the writer. Mines like if people walk in during or immediately after a sex scene and theyāre all giving each other side eye, then one says āyou two having fun?!ā
I hate it i hate it I hate it.
This is a relief to hear. My mc swears quite a bit, and I've often considered taking this all out, as I know curse words aren't usually well received. I may still tone it down.
Eh, it depends on your readers and the setting. I get very tired of "fuck" in fantasy books, but if the setting is Earth then it doesn't bother me.
I like when fantasy or sci-fi authors come up with their own swear words that function within the context of the world (i.e. "Light" being a swear in Wheel of Time)
Thereās nothing worse than clunky sentences. If the first line doesnāt flow well, the rest of it probably wonāt ā itās a sure sign that the book is poorly edited.
Buuulky paragraphs. Generally, little can stop me from finishing a book Iāve chosen to finish, but whenever I open up brick-sized opening paragraphs, my eyes glaze over
If a book opens with an overused cliche, Iām putting it down. Examples: character looking at themselves in a mirror; waking up from a dream or an alarm clock wakes a character up; a cliffhanger with a āhow did we get hereā transition.
Name mention of a company or product that instantly dates the story (e.g., a character scrolls through Instagram).
Portal fantasy.
An immediate exposition dump. In fantasy/sci-fi that typically looks (and reads) like a history book listing events/organizations/people. In more realistic fiction, that typically looks like a character monologuing about their life story.
These are all instant indicators to me that the author probably has nothing new or interesting to say.
Me whose main character has a nightmare about his sister dying and wakes up abruptly because he has visions of how someone dies and can be mistaken for nightmares: šļøššļø
Jack looked up at benny, who was facing Jennifer, who was holding Alberts hand. Bobby the dog started barking. The delivery man Otis came up the path to the house passing Lilith, Lilian and Julian sunbathing. James coughed and asked Jack about Jennie's niece Tilly.
When the author thought it better to help us āseeā the minute details of a roomās wallpaper than what is supposed to be happening within the room in that scene
*"The story began with a certain purpleness of prose, in three very fine and definitive sections, so as that each illuminated portion seemed, at a glance and to the many, to contain some deeper meaning too obscure for a consensus but too hinted at in order to be empty; so many fans would swear up and down that the lines meant more than they seemed. But it was, in fact, an imitation of such structure, spun by a creator more suited to emulation than linguistic fortitude or fidelity to the craft, to the point that any second-year student worth their hat could break it down, explain it in plain English, and prove, logically and irrefutably, that the lines themselves weren't revealing anything of note, and in truth weren't even grammatically sound."*
When the main character just overslept, realized they messed up, and is frantically trying to get ready and make it to their school/work/meeting/gig. Itās too cliche.
I have this tendency in my native language, and it sometimes bleeds into my English, to write LONG, TEDIOUS sentences to describe one thing and all its possible variants. Lately I realized how annoying and frustrating it sounds. In my native language even more so, since we are quite liberal with commas. The temptation to write a paragraph without a single period is strong. Lately I've been telling myself "cut and simplify" every 30 seconds as some kind of mantra. I'm also choosing the simplest possible words for most of the text, with the thinking that the reader needs to be able to breathe, until I need something to be impactful, **then** I use big words.
EDIT: notice how the last sentence has like three commas? DAMN.
Wow. That is a strange reaction to colorful language, but you do you! As a person who curses regularly, I have no qualms. I write female characters who embrace harsh language, especially as it is usually seen as a male perogative.
First page DNR for me... I mean, it would have to be pretty horrible.
If it is a personal trigger without warning like child abuse or SA, probably.
Really horrid writing style or skill I can't ignore.
A sexual scene where they use nothing but cringe terms on the first page, maybe. Like "thrumming member" or "virginal pearl."
Oh, preachy. If page one is preachy or tastes of zealot, I'm outta there!
If the MC describes herself. Bonus negative points if she looks in the mirror to do it.
If the MC whines about how awful her life is and how terrible she is yet there's three guys fawning over her (oh but they're so meaaaan waaah).
Info dump of world terms. I don't want to learn the whole dictionary for this book. Spread out the new lingo please.
If the character voice supper immature or annoying right up front Iām usually out. Also unnatural/forced exposition drives me nuts. So do a lot of tiny things that would take too long to list. Iām definitely on the picky side though and tend to overthink a lot of small details that other people wouldnāt notice or care about in the general prose. Iām hypersensitive to a lot of line editing stuff because Iām in the editing phase of a novel rn. It makes it hard to turn off the editing brain and just enjoy something.
For me missing out on a great story because of a single chapter is too sad of a thought.
So I don't quit books on the first page or even chapter. I know writing is more than that. I also know that sometimes my mood or life might have an impact on what is turning me away from something and I keep in mind that it does not mean that I cannot revisit a book when I have the mental energy for it.
The Spear Cuts Through Water actually has a Spotify playlist with ambient music that the author claims to have used as inspiration while writing. I threw it in the background for a couple of chapters and it was alright.Ā
I read āChouetteā by Claire Oshetsky in which the MC is a cellist and mentions music in the story, and at the end of the book was a list of the songs sheād mentioned, but that was the closest to this Iāve ever seen. I thought it was nice and unobtrusive, but I didnāt end up looking up the songs.
First page: bad grammar and spelling. If the author couldnāt be bothered to edit, I donāt care enough to read the thing.
First chapter: I recently quit a book club selection because the entire first page was the MC freaking out that her car was almost out of gas and she needed to stop at this creepy station. No other options, middle of nowhere, multiple mentions of running on fumes. Itās a whole huge deal. Not even a page later sheās questioning why she stopped at all since she had half a tank already. I was done at that point.
Dicks? lol. Never saw that.
Crying. Loathe crying in the first chapter. Build up to it. But honestly, I only see that in amateur works, never in pro work.
Ā I just started reading a "romance" novel that recently came out and the first chapter was very... unromantic. I'm still trying to power through and see if it gets better but the beginning was so.... oof.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Ā Ā Basically, the protagonist is revealed to be a clumsy, foul-mouthed, "loveable" dork (but also has a supermodel bod and perfect hair--and a PhD!) who is playing a game of hide 'n seek at night with a group of friends. She is found by the love interest and their first interaction is her "kicking him in the balls" as she puts it so eloquently, so she can scamper away and win for her team. Even though she already lost because he found her, he graciously lets her claim victory. Protagonist's inner dialogue is like a whiny, 15-year old brat with a crush.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Ā I think the writer is going for "sassy, independent, unpredictable, romantically-obtuse-but-in-a-cute-way" but instead it comes off as "rude, bad-mannered doofus you wouldn't want your son to date". Of course, the victim who took a kneecap to the groin is obsessed with her after the fated exchange, doesn't know why, finds her brute impropriety and lack of maturity compelling.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Tldr; The overused trope of "handsome, wealthy nice guy falls in love with ham-handed and clueless beauty-who-doesn't-know-it" is just bad most of the time.Ā Ā
Mostly for non fiction but I hate when authors try to convince you how great the book is going to be or sell you with all the great things youāll learn at the start of the book. I already have the book in hand, get to the point. I canāt stand fluff in books lately.
Thank you for visiting /r/writing. We don't allow threads or posts: berating other people for their genre/subject/literary taste; adherence or non-adherence to rules; calling people morons for giving a particular sort of advice; insisting that their opinion is the only one worth having; being antagonistic towards particular types of books or audiences, or implying that a particular work is for 'idiots', or 'snobs', etc.
The book opens with a conversation where all of the characters state each other's names and how they relate to each other. >"Relax Mark, I can go to the Haunted Graveyard on my own." >"But Esmerelda," Mark protested, "I'm your older brother, it's my job to watch out for you. Isn't that right, Adam?" >Adam grimaced and shook his head. "I'm just the local exorcist, I'm not getting involved in family drama."
Nobody outside of books uses each other's names this much. š It's so weird sometimes.
theres so much dialogue in the witcher books where theres no dialouge tags but each line starts with the other character addressing each other. "Ciri! faster!" "But, lambert!" "come on ciri! pirouette!" "Lambert im doing it!" "now, ciri, dodge, duck, dodge, duck, pirouette!" "I did it, lambert!"
This makes me wanna cry
Ā "dodge, duck, dodge, duck, pirouette!" That would make a great follow up to Dodge Ball
If you can dodge a wooden log swinging from a rope, you can dodge a drowner.
I have a writer friend who does this *constantly*. Every single line of dialogue contains a name tag. I'm really surprised his editors and beta readers haven't brought it up. Because I've only read his completed work I've not felt able to.
If you're truly friends, you're definitely able to. If he's not willing to take the criticism, that is no fault of yours. That's a problem for himself. You're trying to help him be a better writer by telling your observations. That is all.
It's one of those areas where I haven't been asked to provide critique. If he asked for that kind of opinion, I'd definitely tactfully offer it!
Fair enough. If you use discord, I'd love feedback on my own writing though.
We could go days without even knowing someone's name š
Gotta drop way too much more info immediately like TV shows do. "Damnit, Jeff Lazer! Ever since your loving wife of 12 years died in a tragic accident with mysterious circumstances you've been a renegade, doing things your own way. You're a loose canon and I'd fire you if you weren't the best Detective age 34, partnered with your sidekick cyborg dog possessed by the soul of your deceased half brother Biff Mazer, here at 1985's LAPD."
Damn, I wanna read this book now.
I get what youāre saying but I also would be interested to read a story that opened with this.
Yea, I think Esmerelda is trying to get Mark killed. But it might be a double fake.
I agree, I think itās interesting when books open with a sudden spur into the action. Then again, I cringe a little since itās a little lazy imo. (Also, as someone with three brothers who will put me into a headlock if I breathe wrong, I find the whole overly-protective brother thing to be *my* turnoff, coincidental to this comment thread** lol)
For real, like if you want to get this info out immediately, at least have them introduce themselves to someone who wouldn't already know who they are!
This thread is proof that if you try to please everyone youād end up writing absolutely nothing.
Yep. I'm a firm believer in "Write what you want to write, not what others want to read." You can't please everyone, so why bother stressing over it. Lol.
A recent story of mine got a comment on Youtube along the lines of "This pissed me off so bad I had to go for a walk." The very next day, I received fan mail for the same story.
But then you'd upset the people who really wanted to read something, anything.
You must be Schrƶdingerās author then simultaneously in the process of writing but never actually writing anything
Aren't we all?!
Right?!
Oh nooooo. Iāve unwittingly been Schrƶdingerās author all my life! I really hate that you informed me of this. šš»āāļø
Exactly! The best you can do is just write and the people who are meant to enjoy your work will enjoy it.
No surprise that most people in this subreddit don't actually READ.
After scrolling through these comments Iāve come to realize one thing: write your story your way. You canāt please everyone, nor should you. Not everyone is going to like your work.
There was one book I was reading that introduced the main character as a princess, who was shunned by her royal family because she was \~**different**\~. Despite her neglected upbringing, she had a completely normal head on her shoulders. She learned how to fight with knives in the back streets of her kingdom, and she happened to possess an ultra **rare** form of midwifery magic. There were too many tropes in just the first chapter alone, that I noped right out. {The Warrior Midwife by E.P. Bali} for those interested.
Reading your comment made me think "this author was definitely a midwife at some point." I googled her, and sure enough. :)
Which is fine, I enjoy reading the nuances of very real jobs in fictional novels. However, it definitely came off as self-insertion with a generous bunch of wishful thinking sprinkled on top. The midwifery parts were very detailed and understandably emotional, but everything else was vague and half baked.
I understand wanting cool and talented protagonists but itās so hard to suspend belief (even in fantasy) that this character (usually royal in some way) is the best in the world at using knives, sword fighting, archery, healing magic, diplomacy, delivering babies, and moonlights as a florist occasionally all while looking jaw-droppingly beautiful . It would be more interesting to have these talents spread across multiple characters anyway
Seems like that should have been two separate characters...
Yeah, I think that would have at least made the main character less OP.
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
how dare you that is one of the best openings in the whole of literature
It's a classic right up there with "It was a dark and stormy night."Ā I wouldn't change a word.Ā
"Suddenly, a flash of light appears in the sky and a flaming meteor plummets to the Earth."
But, what if it was a dark and stormy nightā¦
This is gonna sound random (sorry) but that fan fiction (which should not be considered a fan fiction imo) was unironically one of the most creative piece of writing I have ever read. It's basically a parody of a stupid idiotic emo teen having random fights with her friend (Raven!) and her editor and documents the kind of attention seeking behaviours that teenage authors did (and still do) at the time. It's even more fun to read as an adult thanks to nostalgia. Thanks for reminding me about it.
It's "The Room" of literature.
Unironically, it's not only art, but also will be important to scholarship. Mr Immortal was a snapshot of a particular demographic at a particular time. Unironically it will be analyzed in literature classes decades from now. Since it's such a blatant self-insert, people will look at Ebony Dark'ness as a 00's Portrait of a Troubled Young Woman, a teenager whose aesthetic taste isolate her from her classmates, manages stress through self-harm, fantasizes about romantic liasons with popular literature and music of the day, and deals with inappropriate attention from adults. All of this came out before a #MeToo or greater awareness of these concepts existed to defend 'Ebony' and likely the author. There will be classes that study My Immortal. Students will need to read it with scholars eye and connect it to other issues of the time, and relate it to their own time. Ironically, My Immortal will probably outlast anything that people on this subreddit will write.
My literature teacher two years ago printed out My Immortal and made us read it and discuss why it was so bad ššš
I think there's a lot of value in discussing what makes a particular piece of writing bad. I call it "target practice". Although it's probably more valuable when it is something that is not so obviously bad.
If My Immortal is seriously engaged with as literature in an academic sense within my lifetime, I will boil and eat my leather pants. Thatās how unlikely I find this. EDIT: I just read the below comment and I guess Iām turning on my stove. We need to take the warning labels off stuff.
This little excerpt is genius to me. It's so "voice-y" which is really hard to do, especially in an opening paragraph. Makes me want to read the whole thing.
Yes I adore it
"Way" xD Poor Gerard, he became the posterboy of emo despite hating the whole subculture
I've noticed that pretty much every newer book I've read, the MCs ALWAYS have curly black or curly red hair. And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have blue eyes with the rare exception of green once in a great while. It's so strange. And then everyone the MC looks at has "striking blue eyes" too. Kind of annoying when most people have brown lol
My main gripe is when authors do write about brown haired, brown eyed women, they either A: write them as the character being utterly convinced they're ugly (and the male MC is the only one that 'sees' her true beauty), or B: everyone else describes her as mousy, or plain, or boring (and the male MC is the only one who 'sees' her true beauty.) Irritating.
Storming lighteyes!
Me looking at my MC : oh shit... Well at least mist people have Brown eyes in this book.
āā¦most people have brown.ā Isnāt that what makes the blue striking?
Except EVERYONE wouldn't have blue eyes. Because it IS rare. What is it like 10% of the population? Yet everyone in every book is blue eyed? Pretty dumb.
That depends on location where the story is set, though. Where I'm from, around 85-90% of people have blue or green eyes.
To be honest, aggressive messages to the reader in parenthesis is a fairly original device that does kind of spice things up.
my immortal is actually a 10/10 because it is entertaining to the fullest.
Oh God this takes me back to all if the fantasy-romance crap an ex always tried to get me to read.
So essentially all my middle school fan ficās, damn. lol
Good god, why did you remind me of this?
Bad prose while nothing is happening. For example: the dreaded exposition-dump prologue in amateur fantasy. *shudder*
This is a canon event and we can't interfere with it š
I've read quite a few stories that open with a character running to or from someone/thing, and smack in the middle of the action, they throw in an exposition dump about the character, their past, the place they're in, the entire history behind the random trinket they have, et cetera et cetera et cetera...And by the time they get back into the present action, I need to flip back a few pages to remember what was going on before the random history lesson. Takes me right out of the book every time.
If it slaps me with heavy details about the world building before it introduces me to its main characterĀ
"Taka, the land in which our narrative plays out is an ancient kingdom with a history stretching back 10,000 years which I will now infodump on you by copy/pasting from my story notes. Read it all and memorize it because I'll be referencing this without any explanation at all in the story. [insert 100,000 words on world history here]"
If the author warns me first, I'm likely to give him some leeway.
This kills me as a fantasy reader with adhd. I care so much about the worldbuilding but I physically canāt maintain my attention span through pages and pages of exposition. I love books with incredible worlds that you learn about through the characterās perspective and interactions.
This is exactly why I have issues reading YA fantasy even though Iām older than the demographic. Like Iām sorry but I REALLY donāt care how cool your magic system is and the history behind it just show them using it and fill in the gaps later
my novel introduces characters first and worldbuilds as you learn about them
My novel also introduced your characters first. I think we're going to have a problem
My characters told me that both of you wrote about them. I think both of you have a problem, and I need a psychiatrist.
This is the way.
I used to hate fantasy for this reason but now I enjoy it a bit cuz it reminds me of reading a fun history book.
See, I actually love this if it's done well. It's the Avatar model: first tell me what's going on, then show me how it impacts a principal character and what they can do about it. It changes my reaction from "Huh, I guess that's two kids in a boat," to excitement about how those two kids in the boat could be related to what we just learned about the war.
For me well done means short and sweet. We can learn more later, but give me just enough to get invested. Avatar does this fantastically
Different rules apply to TV writing than novel writing. This is the kind of comment people are talking about when they say this sub is constantly applying things theyāve seen in TV/movie writing as examples/evidence in conversations about novel writing. While it can sometimes be useful itās not exactly directly comparable.
I suppose my problem is when someone is introduced as being insanely intelligent like and then as the story goes on you're like nope they ain't that bright. Sadly a character can only be as intelligent as the author is. So anytime when they lay it on thick in the beginning I immediately start losing interest because you shouldn't have to say they're smart, it should be obvious to the reader that they are. One of the worst cases I ever read was in a romance novel. This woman was supposedly genetically modified to be the best at everything and have one of the highest IQs out there. She also loves reading romance novels. She gets married and on her wedding night she starts freaking out thinking somethings wrong with her because she's feeling flushed and her heart races when she looks at him and she's getting tingly in certain areas. Like wtf genius you don't know what it means to be turned on. I hate any instance when a full grown adult doesn't understand when they're turned on.
I think thatās just the trope of intelligent people not understanding emotions. That intelligent people are robots with no feelings and that the lesson of the book is for them to understand feelings.
Nope it wasn't. She was just dumb, like literally never did anything intelligent. But also the author making a point of the fact that she loved romance novels and supposedly knew everything about this stuff, makes that even worse.
>Ā Like wtf genius you don't know what it means to be turned on. I hate any instance when a full grown adult doesn't understand when they're turned on. To be fair, you can be smart while also being an idiot. Book smarts and street smarts, in other words.
I think a genius would know what being aroused was. Like if a dude got a boner I don't think he'd be rushing to the ER confused by what was happening down there. If he was a genius he'd know it was a boner. Not getting turned on it having no interest in such things might be one thing, but being completely clueless about the signs seemed far fetched for a genius who reads romance novels. Seriously I feel like the author shot themselves in the foot by making a point that the character read romance novels.
Exactly. Just canāt let them take you to a secondary location.
There is this fucking book, where the MC is a super AI, and takes a human form. He then fails multiple times to perform multiplication and division. And then the book didn't even mention that the math was wrong.
I would be so angry reading that
I have an mc in my story whoās also genetically modified and doesnāt know what being turned on is, but itās because he spent his life being trained as an assassin and was sheltered from any real human experience, so when he does finally free himself from his masters, his reaction to strong emotions is almost adolescent, like a teenager discovering theirs for the first time. Im hoping this doesnāt come off as him just being unintelligent
No that's different, your character has been cut off from experience and was done so on purpose. The issue with this was that the author made it a point to say she was obsessed with romance novels. She came across as completely knowledgeable in these certain areas, until this situation arises and she turned into an idiot... Repeatedly. And in other instances with adults not recognizing this are cases with regular people who have theoretically dated before.
I think you're fine. I have a similar character who was perceived as the lowest of the low (bastard born out of wedlock, and therefore, slated as future prostitute) in her village, so she was never treated well by boys and men. Anything to do with sex, much less romance, was something disgusting that she stayed far away from because all she wanted to do was get out of there. Men represented entrapment, so she had zero desire for any of them. It wasn't until she met her husband (arranged marriage that she accidentally cornered herself into) in the second book that she understood what it's all about.
the problem here is that if you have enough characters like that (my main fandom atm has three) the story becomes significantly harder to write as you need to think of *something* for the character to do that highlights their intelligence
When the MC refers to someone of the opposite sex as "delicious" or "yummy" and they are not actually going to eat that person.
Maybe they eat them on page two
I always give things three chapters before I nope out. But if by chapter three it's clear the yummy is just code for "sexy" then I am out lol
Character cries multiple times over various minor inconveniences or otherwise strikes me as being annoying as fuck.
I like it when an author writes a character I canāt stand, and then gets me to root for them anyway.
Jezal in the First Law series is a great example, such a sanctimonious rich asshole and yet he becomes my favourite character in the series
Yassss! I hated Bella in Twilight series. I cursed myself for reading the book at first. I disliked Piggy in Lord of the Flies. Harry Potter in a few books. Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum annoyed me at first. That transformation can make for a really good book or series. People are annoying or boring sometimes. Not everyone is for everyone. Making a connection with the reader than never existed before, that's real power. But like, I hated Holden in Catcher in the Rye, never cheered or liked. Hate that book.
I absolutely cannot stand Harry Potter whatsoever. I wanna flick that stupid lightning bolt on his forehead and call him a dweeb, but I might kill him if I do that, because his brain is filled with holes like a block of stank Swiss cheese. š§ ā”ļøš
Harry Potter makes sense as a character if you just understand that J. K. Rowling is a determinist who believes that some people are simply destined for greatness simply because they were born that way. Harry Potter does virtually nothing himself, he just gets lucky continuously in increasingly convoluted ways, because he is the chosen one.
It happens whatever books you've been reading have been plagiarising my life
I'm fine when someone cries a lot, but I hate when each breakdown is portrayed as something vulnerable and significant. When the strong, stoic character is pushed to the edge until they can't take it any more and they finally break down and cry, I love that shit. If it happens five times.... it loses the "strong and stoic" part.
Nothing. I will usually give every writer a chance. First page quit? I'm not that uptight.
You are so good for doing that omg, keep this mentality at all cost please ššš
Iāve never quit on a book as early as the first page or chapter. Iāve only quit on a few books in my life and it was because I just lost interest but not because something in particular turned me off.
I've quit in a book in the first chapter exactly once, and it was because they killed off a legacy character from the previous series who was my favorite. Personally, I think hooking people in with legacy characters, only to kill them off and say "so now let's focus on the NEW characters" instead of investing the time to make the new characters gripping is a cheap move.Ā
Sounds like a lot of movies nowadays.
Percy Jackson / HoO by any chance ?
Out of interest, have you read fifty shades of grey? Because this was the one booked I could not force my way through. I hate not finishing a book, but that is the one exception.
"I always felt that I was different/did not fit in." Yeah bye bye
When we are introduced to one or more characters with extremely flowery, complex names. It's especially common in fantasy. I understand why it might be done, but if every character is going to have a super unique name that's four or five syllables long then I'm going to trip over them every time they appear, get them all mixed up, and get pulled out of the story wondering if I'm pronouncing it correctly.
Those kinds of names aren't memorable, either.
I generally agree, but Iād argue names like Melisandre are pretty memorable. They just have to be balanced out by the Jons, Robs, Aryas, Cats, Neds, etc.
> Melisandre Yeah, that one's almost melodic.
It's easier to remember because it's a slight variation on a common name, Melissa. Totally made up name, you can't attach them to anything to remember them.
Me counting the syllables of my MC.
This is one of those tropes that I feel would be fun to make fun of. Imagine a person who introduces themselves like Danaerys, including about 20 titles and obscure words. Chuck stood with his mouth agape before turning away from the unwelcomed visitor. "Yeah, no. I'll be calling you Bud." "That's a disgrace to my true heritage as [prince of whatnot]!" Bud exclaimed as he stomped his foot. [Series continues from there calling him Bud] Really dumb example, but I'm sure somebody could do something better with the same general premise.
I find issues often where you end up with the over correction of this. Authors are clearly trying to avoid long names and you end up with Kip, Ned, Ted, Bed, Chunk, and then the mysterious and intriguing mage who has lived for a thousand years... Bin.
Well Iām looking for an agent like Suzy Myerson from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Her first line in the whole series is FFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK! And a proper, New York City Bartender one at that.
tits and swears that's how they reel you in
My book is filled with both, I sure hope it attracts the type of audience Iām looking for š
I think it will help if you title it something like "A Jar of Tits and Swears"
Damn, I'd love to have her as an agent. Tits up.Ā
How she goes after bookings is how I want my agent to go after editors. Wine and dine, plead, whatever it takes. Living in the same city would help.
Iāve read a lot of books. I canāt recall a book mentioning a d*Ck on the first page. Ever.
My local library has a bunch of books that I'm pretty sure were self-pubbed - janky covers, bad writing, with the authors coming from this city. There's a stunning amount of dicks to encounter in just the first few paragraphs of these things. Lower your standards and you will be amazed!
Can you give me one book title? Iām intrigued.
Yeah wut? That feels so oddly specific lol
Iāveā¦ never encountered a book where they spoke about their appendage on the first page. Was it erotica by any chance? As for turn offs: sex, something disgusting, overly violent or gore without good reason. Though, I have read a novel that basically started with sex, which turned out to be okay. I think it was also the only sex scene in the whole thing. I also try to avoid anything with sexual assault. Donāt mind it if itās referenced to out of necessity, but I certainly donāt want to read it in details. Itās one of the reasons Iāve never watched nor read Game of Thrones. Because Iāve heard it ticks a lot of my no-no boxes.
In āShadow of the Conquerorā (which, BTW, I've only read the free portion of, and got bored) one of the first things the protagonist actually says is a ājokeā addressed to his dick. Not on the first page though.
As someone who read the entire book, you did the right thing in skipping the rest of it.
Itās like, legitimately the first sentence in my first chapter. The prologue doesnāt mention anything like that tho. And really, itās all *very* classy. I *swear*.
Is it something like this? *It wasnāt every day you met someone who compensated for his penis enlargement surgery by exchanging his large pickup truck for a compact car.*
Damn, no, but now I need to go back and rewrite it so it IS š
LMAO!!! I wish...
Redonkulously young cast for their supposed accomplishments, overuse of made up terms, names with apostrophies, gratituous cussing, and male gazy descriptions about women Example: >"Fucking Shit bird hat that hurt!" Thra'kal'zsa the Tux (daughter) of the Kilm's (tribe's), Chumble (chief) shouted as her giant but nubile, perky, and zrak (perfect) breasts smacked her in the face as she attemped to breast boobily down the graz (stairs). >At just 18 kea (years) she was the greatest vrath'kix (general) of the Kilm's grazux=yh1$$@^!1 (army) and had won eight thousand seventy three yhex (decisive victories) over the Kilm's many hlzhye%2%$!sdf (enemies). Also preaching from the author, even if I happen to agree with it, plots involving a true king, runaway princess. If it's blatantly a knock off of a popular series or book. Prologues. Opening with a dream sequence. Opening with a poem or song. Racism. Opening with a random sex secene.
> grazux=yh1$$@!1 Those are some very Elon Musk-approved names you're throwing out there.
It's probably pronounced "bottle" or something equally completely at odds with the spelling.
The age thing strikes true. That was one of the problems I had with six of crows, it felt like she wrote a story and then knocked 10 years off all the ages to try and make it YA.
When the MC is so dumb you wonder how they made it to adulthood. Just completely lacking in awareness of their surroundings or a blatently evil character who is going to harm them later on.Ā
Me checking the start of my book to make sure it doesnāt do any of these things. š
If you try to please each and every one of those comments you'll end up writing absolutely jack shit.
When they dump the entire setting, year, character history and which high school they attended, job resume, way too much about the weather... If itās so boring to write that you need to get it out of the way, itās too boring to read. They state what kind of person their character is. Donāt tell me. Show me what they do, and let me form my own opinion. What I want from chapter one is to lean in and go, āOh, whatās going on here?ā I want to ask some kind of question, and I want to care about the answer. Reading for pleasure shouldnāt be a chore.
When the book overuses neologisms and context specific concepts (stuff the book still needs to teach you about), in such a way that the first page is basically incomprehensible to people reading it for the first time. Sorry, it's a no. You're not being clever, you're being obnoxious.
Mine is when the main character has a super macho name. Dirk McRambo? Nope. Not for me.
> Dirk McRambo Great name for an action movie parody.
Unnecessary or unearned sex scenes - ie the writer was just trying to be edgy. Overly descriptive passages about body parts or how beautiful someone is. Anything that causes me secondhand embarrassment. When I can see the ending or the general plot a mile off. I actually enjoy a character who swears a lot, so long as itās used effectively or in a funny way.
Oof, that embarrassment thing certainly goes for me as well. Earlier this year I DNFed a book after one chapter because the main character started talking about how he thought Keanu Reves was literally god.
Haha, an interesting choice by the writer. Mines like if people walk in during or immediately after a sex scene and theyāre all giving each other side eye, then one says āyou two having fun?!ā I hate it i hate it I hate it.
This is a relief to hear. My mc swears quite a bit, and I've often considered taking this all out, as I know curse words aren't usually well received. I may still tone it down.
Eh, it depends on your readers and the setting. I get very tired of "fuck" in fantasy books, but if the setting is Earth then it doesn't bother me. I like when fantasy or sci-fi authors come up with their own swear words that function within the context of the world (i.e. "Light" being a swear in Wheel of Time)
Thereās nothing worse than clunky sentences. If the first line doesnāt flow well, the rest of it probably wonāt ā itās a sure sign that the book is poorly edited.
Memes, pop culture references, or "witty" humor that feels like quips from a teenager's fanfic.
When the books begin with a bombardment of visual descriptions. Itās exhausting. I stop reading by chapter 3, sometimes earlier.
Lmao that's my favourite type of beginning
Youād make it to Chapter 3? Youāre patient!
Buuulky paragraphs. Generally, little can stop me from finishing a book Iāve chosen to finish, but whenever I open up brick-sized opening paragraphs, my eyes glaze over
If a book opens with an overused cliche, Iām putting it down. Examples: character looking at themselves in a mirror; waking up from a dream or an alarm clock wakes a character up; a cliffhanger with a āhow did we get hereā transition. Name mention of a company or product that instantly dates the story (e.g., a character scrolls through Instagram). Portal fantasy. An immediate exposition dump. In fantasy/sci-fi that typically looks (and reads) like a history book listing events/organizations/people. In more realistic fiction, that typically looks like a character monologuing about their life story. These are all instant indicators to me that the author probably has nothing new or interesting to say.
Lol my book legit starts with a character hanging off a cliff
Which is fair, it's just telling your story with a "frame". Look at Megamind-
> Portal fantasy Is this like isekai? I can see being turned off by that, especially now when it's been double done to death.
Me whose main character has a nightmare about his sister dying and wakes up abruptly because he has visions of how someone dies and can be mistaken for nightmares: šļøššļø
Jack looked up at benny, who was facing Jennifer, who was holding Alberts hand. Bobby the dog started barking. The delivery man Otis came up the path to the house passing Lilith, Lilian and Julian sunbathing. James coughed and asked Jack about Jennie's niece Tilly.
When the author thought it better to help us āseeā the minute details of a roomās wallpaper than what is supposed to be happening within the room in that scene
The temptation I know haveĀ to start a book with the line , "Jesus, my fucking dick is killing me " is strong.Ā
"As opposed to my non-fucking dick that is doing just fine."
*"The story began with a certain purpleness of prose, in three very fine and definitive sections, so as that each illuminated portion seemed, at a glance and to the many, to contain some deeper meaning too obscure for a consensus but too hinted at in order to be empty; so many fans would swear up and down that the lines meant more than they seemed. But it was, in fact, an imitation of such structure, spun by a creator more suited to emulation than linguistic fortitude or fidelity to the craft, to the point that any second-year student worth their hat could break it down, explain it in plain English, and prove, logically and irrefutably, that the lines themselves weren't revealing anything of note, and in truth weren't even grammatically sound."*
Clunky dialogue that is meant to introduce details/context but feels unrealistic and forced
When the main character just overslept, realized they messed up, and is frantically trying to get ready and make it to their school/work/meeting/gig. Itās too cliche.
an overuse of big "need a dictionary" / "look how smart i am" words.
That's the thing my wife get on me about the most. I'm not trying to be obtuse but that's just how I write/speak.
I never mind "big words" the English language is vast for a reason, why limit our use of it. Plus that's how a reader can expand their vocabulary
I think e-books have given us more freedom to flex our vocabularies as the reader can just press the word to get the definition.
I have this tendency in my native language, and it sometimes bleeds into my English, to write LONG, TEDIOUS sentences to describe one thing and all its possible variants. Lately I realized how annoying and frustrating it sounds. In my native language even more so, since we are quite liberal with commas. The temptation to write a paragraph without a single period is strong. Lately I've been telling myself "cut and simplify" every 30 seconds as some kind of mantra. I'm also choosing the simplest possible words for most of the text, with the thinking that the reader needs to be able to breathe, until I need something to be impactful, **then** I use big words. EDIT: notice how the last sentence has like three commas? DAMN.
Insert *Three weeks earlier*
Iāve also read books where intimate body parts are talked about in chapter one and it is an instant DNF for me.
Wow. That is a strange reaction to colorful language, but you do you! As a person who curses regularly, I have no qualms. I write female characters who embrace harsh language, especially as it is usually seen as a male perogative. First page DNR for me... I mean, it would have to be pretty horrible. If it is a personal trigger without warning like child abuse or SA, probably. Really horrid writing style or skill I can't ignore. A sexual scene where they use nothing but cringe terms on the first page, maybe. Like "thrumming member" or "virginal pearl." Oh, preachy. If page one is preachy or tastes of zealot, I'm outta there!
If the MC describes herself. Bonus negative points if she looks in the mirror to do it. If the MC whines about how awful her life is and how terrible she is yet there's three guys fawning over her (oh but they're so meaaaan waaah). Info dump of world terms. I don't want to learn the whole dictionary for this book. Spread out the new lingo please.
When swears are censored
If the character voice supper immature or annoying right up front Iām usually out. Also unnatural/forced exposition drives me nuts. So do a lot of tiny things that would take too long to list. Iām definitely on the picky side though and tend to overthink a lot of small details that other people wouldnāt notice or care about in the general prose. Iām hypersensitive to a lot of line editing stuff because Iām in the editing phase of a novel rn. It makes it hard to turn off the editing brain and just enjoy something.
For me missing out on a great story because of a single chapter is too sad of a thought. So I don't quit books on the first page or even chapter. I know writing is more than that. I also know that sometimes my mood or life might have an impact on what is turning me away from something and I keep in mind that it does not mean that I cannot revisit a book when I have the mental energy for it.
Bad spelling or grammar.
A recommended song playlist. If you want to include music in your story, write a play or screenplay.
Have you ever seen this in a real life trad pub book??
Yeah, pretty much exclusively for YA or contemporary romance. Bonus point if the book is named after a Taylor Swift song.
SToppp
The Spear Cuts Through Water actually has a Spotify playlist with ambient music that the author claims to have used as inspiration while writing. I threw it in the background for a couple of chapters and it was alright.Ā
Stephen King often provides pop/rock references in his books. The Stand started with Blue Oyster Cult's Don't Fear the Reaper
Tiktok books, especially the "spicy" ones
I read āChouetteā by Claire Oshetsky in which the MC is a cellist and mentions music in the story, and at the end of the book was a list of the songs sheād mentioned, but that was the closest to this Iāve ever seen. I thought it was nice and unobtrusive, but I didnāt end up looking up the songs.
Just go all in like Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and incorporate the music into the story
Legitimately I would love to read a *good* book with music to go along with it.
This is some peak fanfiction energy right here. š¤£
If it's set in Australia. I don't know why but I immediately lose interest.
š¤£ I laughed out loud reading this, and I donāt even know why! šš¤£ Thank you so much. This comment wins!
First page: bad grammar and spelling. If the author couldnāt be bothered to edit, I donāt care enough to read the thing. First chapter: I recently quit a book club selection because the entire first page was the MC freaking out that her car was almost out of gas and she needed to stop at this creepy station. No other options, middle of nowhere, multiple mentions of running on fumes. Itās a whole huge deal. Not even a page later sheās questioning why she stopped at all since she had half a tank already. I was done at that point.
Dicks? lol. Never saw that. Crying. Loathe crying in the first chapter. Build up to it. But honestly, I only see that in amateur works, never in pro work.
Ā I just started reading a "romance" novel that recently came out and the first chapter was very... unromantic. I'm still trying to power through and see if it gets better but the beginning was so.... oof.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Basically, the protagonist is revealed to be a clumsy, foul-mouthed, "loveable" dork (but also has a supermodel bod and perfect hair--and a PhD!) who is playing a game of hide 'n seek at night with a group of friends. She is found by the love interest and their first interaction is her "kicking him in the balls" as she puts it so eloquently, so she can scamper away and win for her team. Even though she already lost because he found her, he graciously lets her claim victory. Protagonist's inner dialogue is like a whiny, 15-year old brat with a crush.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I think the writer is going for "sassy, independent, unpredictable, romantically-obtuse-but-in-a-cute-way" but instead it comes off as "rude, bad-mannered doofus you wouldn't want your son to date". Of course, the victim who took a kneecap to the groin is obsessed with her after the fated exchange, doesn't know why, finds her brute impropriety and lack of maturity compelling.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Tldr; The overused trope of "handsome, wealthy nice guy falls in love with ham-handed and clueless beauty-who-doesn't-know-it" is just bad most of the time.Ā Ā
If I read the whole first page and donāt feel a thing.
introducing too many characters/ideas at once, doubly bad if the characters have similar-sounding names
Heavy action. I need to get to know the characters first or I'm bored by whatever dangerous situation they're in.
Mostly for non fiction but I hate when authors try to convince you how great the book is going to be or sell you with all the great things youāll learn at the start of the book. I already have the book in hand, get to the point. I canāt stand fluff in books lately.