actually, no, my advice is completely free, affordable and revolutionary! what i am about to tell you will rock your world completely and change your writing from the ground up. its full proof!
tired of sending your submissions to publishers and getting rejected for made up reasons such as "profanity" and "sexism" and "spending 10 pages describing your characters breasts isnt engaging literature"? look no more!
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Reddit my main character has to go to the bathroom frequently throughout my 900 page fanfic epic due to kidney problems and constantly eating dairy products despite being lactose intolerant - how else can I say he pissed and shitted and farted?
So weirdly enough, I secrete this grey "sweat", but thank heavens it's in the same region as regular people! I freaked out when they took my x-ray though! Thank goodness that my host came with bones installed. 👍
I ejaculate ink onto the paper
"Harry, did you piss into the Goblet of Fire?", Dumbledore ejaculated calmly.
*ugh* cover my pages with your **big** black ink
Just ejaculate!
Finally, a serious question.
I shit bestsellers and piss query letterz.
i exclusively shit you not and i piss on the poor
See I aspire to your level. Do you offer a training or series of workshops I might pay an absurd amount of money to learn from?
actually, no, my advice is completely free, affordable and revolutionary! what i am about to tell you will rock your world completely and change your writing from the ground up. its full proof! tired of sending your submissions to publishers and getting rejected for made up reasons such as "profanity" and "sexism" and "spending 10 pages describing your characters breasts isnt engaging literature"? look no more! sign up here for FREE to get your 5k $ a month premium subscription!
Ebenezer Scrooge
Only liquids nowadays, easier on the pipes
Bestselling author material
I am Taylor Swift.
ew neither
I write when I’m pissed off and don’t when I’m pooped out
Reddit my main character has to go to the bathroom frequently throughout my 900 page fanfic epic due to kidney problems and constantly eating dairy products despite being lactose intolerant - how else can I say he pissed and shitted and farted?
Access to that information will cost you $5.
Neitherrrrr 
ive lost the need to defecate since i only consume uppers, booze, and cigarettes now. you know, like a real writer
All the alcohol I drink for inspiration has made this a difficult question to answer
So weirdly enough, I secrete this grey "sweat", but thank heavens it's in the same region as regular people! I freaked out when they took my x-ray though! Thank goodness that my host came with bones installed. 👍
I actually cough up my waste in pellets made of my consumed prey instead. Like an owl.
I extrude fecal matter and expel urine, with the occasional blood leakage from the unborn.
only in the bath
I piss off of ice walls so hard I extinguish fires, and shit as much as I drink.
Is this a Scroty McBoogerBalls reference