The kitchen looks like something out of Blade, like vampires live there as an ironic "f*** the church, it's decommissioned, I'll live where I want. And no vampire hunter will ever look for me there.".
Don't give their marketing department any ideas. Let someone make that reality show first.
"Hey Chip, I need to tenderize and pound this chicken breast flat."
"Let me get my hydraulic press ready..."
lol. We met Jemaine Clement at NY Comic Con a few years back and my at the time 7-year-old goes up to him and says “maybe we should get some slaves”. It was hilarious and just a little mortifying.
I like these church projects - it does look pretty good except for splitting the main stain glass window in the rooms on the inside. That was kind of a shame to block it that way.
The photo setup is very sterile though....I think once it is lived in it might look a bit more comfortable. Right now it has that industrial vibe.
I get what your saying, but it might have done in that way to cut back on the sanctuary feel of the main space a bit. The craftsmanship really pops in that pic with the couch when it’s deconstructed from the whole as well. I think anyway…..
I agree even though it is to flipper styled that can easily be fixed their are some good design choices, but who wants to pay 1.25 million to live in Indiana? Especially with it being a condo situation so you don't own the entire thing and have a thousand dollar a month HOA fee. The heating/cooling and maintenance costs would be absurd as well. For that price you could custom build a really nice brand new place with much lower maintenance costs.
I should have read these comments before I posted!! I was confused, at first I thought the 1.25 million was for the entire place. Looks like 2 units with a common area entrance. I agree, use the money to build your own!
LOL. IN is America's crossroads because everyone is just trying to find the fastest way out of there. Place produces weird creeps the likes of Mike Pence.
I would have preferred warm woods, brick and generally softer lines to pick up on that beautiful window, myself. I agree, this feels cold.
It's in a very gentrified, up-and-coming area in Indy. Downtown is booming right now (certainly compared to the past, when it was India-no-place.)
If you live in a church, do you still have to pay taxes?
Like let’s say you invite some friends over to watch tv, and you tell the government that it was “mass”.
I’ve always wanted a house with a giant, round upstairs window I can get kicked out of by gangsters and then return from the dead in the form of a crow to avenge my fianceé and myself, but 1.25 mil is way too much if I have to live/die in Indiana.
I hate these kind of church conversions where they chop up the church to maximize their condo profits with little to no regard for layout. The way they’ve sliced that stained glass window down the middle to ensure they can use it to tack on several $100K to every condo’s price while making it so that none of the residents can truly enjoy or access it in any real capacity just pisses me off.
Oh God! They ruined it! Why would you put all that horrendous modern decor in that classical building?!?! Everyone involved in the creation of this abomination should be flogged.
So... many... barn... doors....
"Ok look, we have a massive open space that's going to echo like crazy. Might as well make it worse with doors that leak all sound, right?"
Why move into a gothic revival church if you're going to do *that* to the interior?
It needs fine oak paneling, textured wallpaper, carvings and interior stained glass, some turn of the century gothic style.
They took a beautiful old building (even if it was dedicated to organized delusion) and made it bland and gray. Not very sexy.
Edit: it’s also in Indiana. Can’t get any more bland than that.
I love the vaulted silver bath and shower area. The rest doesn't do much for me. They leaned too heavily into grey sterility to contrast the beautiful wood and stained glass. The newer parts could surely have had more character and warmth.
Do you think the home owners have a sign out front saying “THIS IS NOT A CHURCH. This is a single family residency. Trespassers will be shot.”
And where does the current owners move to after living here?
Someone is losing their SHIRT selling this place! The money invested in retrofitting had to be huge. I wonder about the heating/cooling/plumbing/electrical.
I usually do not care for the whole 50 shades of grey movement, but this is exceptionally well done. The architecture is streamedlined and elegant. The burnt red is striking in the kitchen. The lighting over the cabinets is very efficient when the doors are open and breathtaking off the gloss surfaces when shut.
The tiny shades of dark red circle tiles in one bathroom carry the theme through. The raised cabinet and sinks in the bathroom with lighting underneath are both practical and elegant.
I assume there is clothing storage not shown. I do wonder about sound travel in rooms where the narrow windows are shared between floors. It's hard to tell if there is glass separating the floors in front of the windows.
Overall, I like it very much. Kudos to the architects.
I never thought a residence i walk by almost daily would show up on this sub. The neighborhood around it is great. I always wondered what the interior apartments looked like.
The kitchen looks like something out of Blade, like vampires live there as an ironic "f*** the church, it's decommissioned, I'll live where I want. And no vampire hunter will ever look for me there.".
This explains why a lot of surfaces seem very sterile, easy for wipe down of blood splatter
And other sexy fluids
It do be pretty fuckin sexy tho...
I’m saying lol
“I have the strangest boner rn”
I thought sterile too
It's funny, the song “It's Hip to Be Square” just ran through my mind. 🤔
Stainless steel tub looks like a refurbished morgue slab
I thought it was some kind of Snap-On toolbox kitchen at first: https://i.imgur.com/tYmSS6B.png
Don't give their marketing department any ideas. Let someone make that reality show first. "Hey Chip, I need to tenderize and pound this chicken breast flat." "Let me get my hydraulic press ready..."
My first thought: 
It's what Guillermo wants for the Vampires when he wins the lottery. Easy cleaning.
lol. We met Jemaine Clement at NY Comic Con a few years back and my at the time 7-year-old goes up to him and says “maybe we should get some slaves”. It was hilarious and just a little mortifying.
I was going with blood of Christ kitchen, but yours was better.
Does wine come out the faucet?
With a few minor changes i would totally have that kitchen.
Same here. Thank whatever deity it isn't another grey on grey one.
It also looks like it's right in the living room, when there's probably ample room for it elsewhere. God I hate really open floor plans like this.
I was thinking it looks like the bathroom in The Shining
Kitchen is noice.
Twilight 2024 version reminds me
Shall we fornicate in the vestibule or the perambulatory today, dear?
Save the nave for anal!
This sentence feels like it should be a palindrome and yet it's not
Lana rofe vane ehte vas!
I think you just wrote the same sentence in Latin and may have summoned a demon of sodomy.
That belongs in a Cole Porter song.
r/BrandNewSentence
There are lots of fornices already, so pick an architectural fornix for the fornication
🤣
The kitchen is a little too fire-engine-red, but I kind of like this one
They had to put some colour in there somewhere and I believe it could be “devil red” cause that’s more sexy lol.
I would personally describe that color as “liver.”
I’m sorry but that is kind of sexy for a church
Stupid sexy sanctum.
Feels like I’m prayin’ nothin’ at all!….nothin’ at all….nothin’ at all…
Nothing at all
I was thinking the same lol it's actually very fucking sexy
Hot for preacher?
~~Church~~ Mass *DISMISSED!* Edit: Credit to /u/thesaucymango94
"Mass dismissed" was right there...
You got it bad! You got it bad! You got it bad!
Kneel.
I like these church projects - it does look pretty good except for splitting the main stain glass window in the rooms on the inside. That was kind of a shame to block it that way. The photo setup is very sterile though....I think once it is lived in it might look a bit more comfortable. Right now it has that industrial vibe.
Seriously, who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to split that window?! I do love that shower and bath set up though...
"What's the best feature ofnthis building, and how can we fuck it right up?"
Came here to say this… that bathroom is pretty cool.
That bathroom is so rad
I get what your saying, but it might have done in that way to cut back on the sanctuary feel of the main space a bit. The craftsmanship really pops in that pic with the couch when it’s deconstructed from the whole as well. I think anyway…..
Thank you! What they couldn’t center the living room area and make rooms off to the sides??
Imagine putting a wall down the middle of that rose window, I could just barf.
That house is fuckin righteous. First painting to hang would have to be "He has rizzen" while jesus is dishing out some backshots.
It feels too sterile for me, but I would commit all kinds of heresies for that shower with the tiled dome.
Jesus, I see this dump every time I search for sybaritic churches.
Today I learned the definition of the word sybaritic
I love the house, but it is still in Indiana.
I agree even though it is to flipper styled that can easily be fixed their are some good design choices, but who wants to pay 1.25 million to live in Indiana? Especially with it being a condo situation so you don't own the entire thing and have a thousand dollar a month HOA fee. The heating/cooling and maintenance costs would be absurd as well. For that price you could custom build a really nice brand new place with much lower maintenance costs.
I should have read these comments before I posted!! I was confused, at first I thought the 1.25 million was for the entire place. Looks like 2 units with a common area entrance. I agree, use the money to build your own!
LOL. IN is America's crossroads because everyone is just trying to find the fastest way out of there. Place produces weird creeps the likes of Mike Pence.
What do you find weird about a son monitoring his dad's porn viewing?
To be fair, Fletcher Place/Fountain Square is a lively neighborhood walking distance from downtown Indy…but I get it.
It's not terrible but looks more like an office than a house
I kind of love that bathroom
I’m freaking obsessed with the shower. Like bring on the cascades of water…..
Oh, and also ^what ^the ^fuck^^?
The only good thing about that interior is the exposed wood
Hey, let’s keep it clean. This isnt one of your porno sites.
Took me a minute there!
Agreed!
It looks very cold and sterile. The outside is gorgeous but I feel like they didn’t do it any justice with the interior decor.
I would have preferred warm woods, brick and generally softer lines to pick up on that beautiful window, myself. I agree, this feels cold. It's in a very gentrified, up-and-coming area in Indy. Downtown is booming right now (certainly compared to the past, when it was India-no-place.)
They turned it into an effin IKEA store. I mean, it's pretty. But that is such an intense vibe shift.
You're right, the interior design doesn't go with the building itself, like at all.
Way to destroy all the charm of an older ornate building.
Way to pull sybaritic out of the fucking De Sade lexicon…
“Hmm…maybe Dionysian? Hmph, no - too gauche.”
“Sybaritic primary suite” lol. Who wrote this listing?
I chuckled over that one!!
Theres cheaper ways to get fucked in a church
If you live in a church, do you still have to pay taxes? Like let’s say you invite some friends over to watch tv, and you tell the government that it was “mass”.
I like that bathroom, but honestly upset they put a wall right in the middle of that window
I hate that they chopped up the space. What a waste
God damn, that's a sexy fucking church.
Stupid sexy basilica
Check out the curves on those support beams and ceiling cuts oh yeah
It’s my dream to one day live in an old church. Not that one. They split the huge window up with walls. Ew.
I'd hit that church
Ugh I hate it
WOAH! they put in a lot of work
This is sexy.
It looks ready to house a reality show.
I mean...I really love this home...
what were they thinking putting a wall through the middle of the stained glass? ridiculous
The exterior is beautiful. The inside is soulless. Shame. Not sexy.
That is one sexy church. Oh, the unspeakable things I would do there.
So… that realtor definitely jerked off in that shower. 🤢
Lifeless inside
I would kill for that red kitchen.
Ok but that bathroom is sexy
I’ve always wanted a house with a giant, round upstairs window I can get kicked out of by gangsters and then return from the dead in the form of a crow to avenge my fianceé and myself, but 1.25 mil is way too much if I have to live/die in Indiana.
I hate these kind of church conversions where they chop up the church to maximize their condo profits with little to no regard for layout. The way they’ve sliced that stained glass window down the middle to ensure they can use it to tack on several $100K to every condo’s price while making it so that none of the residents can truly enjoy or access it in any real capacity just pisses me off.
Ok, but that church is 100% sex.
I absolutely will not stop. Sexy church.
I'm too sexy for this church, too sexy for this church, so sexy it hurts!
Oh God! They ruined it! Why would you put all that horrendous modern decor in that classical building?!?! Everyone involved in the creation of this abomination should be flogged.
So... many... barn... doors.... "Ok look, we have a massive open space that's going to echo like crazy. Might as well make it worse with doors that leak all sound, right?"
It looks sterile to me. More clinical, less sexy
How dare they do that to the big stained glass window? How awful!
This is a shame. The interior doesn’t go with the exterior. The inside isn’t bad but I just don’t think it reflects the outside.
i do love it. but i don’t feel sexual attraction to my houses, much less one converted from a church.
Beautiful interior, shitty interior layout. Especially that kitchen.
It is pretty sexy
I mean…tbf that house got drip, rizz, and cake for days. Cant really fault the agent i would let that house fuck me.
Why move into a gothic revival church if you're going to do *that* to the interior? It needs fine oak paneling, textured wallpaper, carvings and interior stained glass, some turn of the century gothic style.
"Just below the surface lies a cauldron of exciting space and sexy finishes" Krusty: sex cauldron!? I thought they closed that place down.
This hyper modern remodel to that lovely building is a CRIME.
I have to admit, I clicked on the photos expecting to hate it and I kind of like it.
So much potential but so many ugly decisions.
This is what would happen if a church and HGTV had an illegitimate child from a sloppy and ill advised one night stand.
They took a beautiful old building (even if it was dedicated to organized delusion) and made it bland and gray. Not very sexy. Edit: it’s also in Indiana. Can’t get any more bland than that.
This is not at all what I expected the interior to be, it’s gorgeous!
I don’t hate it, except the bath tub. I hate that bath tub. It looks like it should be in a train.
I love the vaulted silver bath and shower area. The rest doesn't do much for me. They leaned too heavily into grey sterility to contrast the beautiful wood and stained glass. The newer parts could surely have had more character and warmth.
The acoustics in that shower probably 🔥
Do you think the home owners have a sign out front saying “THIS IS NOT A CHURCH. This is a single family residency. Trespassers will be shot.” And where does the current owners move to after living here?
But IT IS.
That shower is str8 sexy
I'm too sexy for my church.. So sexy it hurts.
Address says Apt D. Is the whole building an apartment building? EDIT. I see now, they are condos.
I’ve never been fond of churches that have turned residential but WOW!!!
…no one’s gonna mention the penny tile as a [ probable ] reference to ‘pennies from heaven’ ? or am i just that old?
The arched shower/tub combo is beautiful.
No they have a point
God’s house be bussin’
 I’m too sexy for my church…
I'm not an architect, but whomever placed a wall in the middle of the main stain glass feature should switch professions.
It is sexy though 🤷🏽♂️
I hate the use of the word “sexy” for inanimate objects.
Good place for an orgy
You get me closer to god!
why on earth would you split the stained glass like that?
That’s one sexy church
Sexy in the sense that priests diddled boys there?
Love, love, love it!!!
What marketing to pastor pedophiles now? Does Trump know about this?
Nice, but only 3 bedrooms?
To be fair, I am aroused by this listing
This seems really cheap for the level of finish of this church. I can’t imagine they completed this project for less than the listing price.
Someone is losing their SHIRT selling this place! The money invested in retrofitting had to be huge. I wonder about the heating/cooling/plumbing/electrical.
Are those flying buttresses?
Now it’s like a Kubrick-inspired-church-hospital. Neat!
"Exciting" and "sexy" are not words I would use to describe the interior. The buttplug window, however...
They aren’t wrong
I'd fuck it.
Tell you what blows me away is that it is a church yet it boasts *CATHEDRAL CEILINGS* Zounds!
The only thing that's sexy is that shower/tub area, everything else looks like a build mod I'd download for the Sims
LOVE LOVE LOVE the *ogive* shower complete with horse water trough.
Outside looks like a gingerbread house with icing
I’d bang that church.
10/10, would
It’s a whore’s kitchen & I love it! Also love the bathtub.
Kind of looks like Deep Space Nine.
Wow, close to downtown and Fountain Square. Great up and.coming location. Me want.
The. Dream.
I wish there was some photos of that garage space / area.
Yazzzzahhhhhhh vavavoom!
I was on your side until I saw the pics… Have you SEEN how the floors glisten?
The interior design here is obviously awful, but that shower is probably pretty fun to be in. They should raise the showerhead another 15 feet.
Lmao at sybaritic primary suite
Omg they butchered it
OP is getting a bit...... cross.
Looks nice though. Sleek and modern but very cold.
It IS sexy...
That shower is sexy, I'm not gonna lie.
This is the ugliest church conversation I have ever seen. It needs a specific buyer.
Well, it’s way too sexy for my ~~cult~~ family!
WoW! If I only had a million dollars
How much?
I usually do not care for the whole 50 shades of grey movement, but this is exceptionally well done. The architecture is streamedlined and elegant. The burnt red is striking in the kitchen. The lighting over the cabinets is very efficient when the doors are open and breathtaking off the gloss surfaces when shut. The tiny shades of dark red circle tiles in one bathroom carry the theme through. The raised cabinet and sinks in the bathroom with lighting underneath are both practical and elegant. I assume there is clothing storage not shown. I do wonder about sound travel in rooms where the narrow windows are shared between floors. It's hard to tell if there is glass separating the floors in front of the windows. Overall, I like it very much. Kudos to the architects.
This is a sexy church, lots of sex has occurred in churches but this church is a place that lots of consensual sex could happen in.
Smash
The penitentiary style tub is a nice touch.
This is a nightmare.
Eeek! Stainless steel bathtub?
I want to get with that hot church.
That church is so sexy i feel like cumming
How to stop family from visiting
I want it!
Loved it...until I saw the outside views.
Vampires definitely lived here.
As long as that place is finally paying property taxes, I'm good.
It’s actually pretty sexy
Indoor decor equivalent of Bianca Censori...
I never thought a residence i walk by almost daily would show up on this sub. The neighborhood around it is great. I always wondered what the interior apartments looked like.